Page 58 of Healing the Storm

Why is this so hard to get out?

“You thought what?” Wade prodded, his voice flat.

“I guess I thought about staying in Texas—at least for a while,” I added quickly, having not truly thought it through. It was a new thought that had come to my mind after the way that Wade had risked everything for me, and then the way Hazel had taken me in like I was...family.

“There’s probably somewhere that I could get a job in town,” I continued at his silence. “I didn’t have a great job waiting for me in Arizona, and then I could maybe find a place in town and save up for a vehicle, you know? Dr. Dewy mentioned that she could use some help at the clinic, and I could do that. I’ve always wanted to be a vet tech, but I never had the opportunity to go to school for it. It would give me the opportunity to see if I like it.”

He was quiet, his face still blank.

“I wouldn’t stay here,” I added, my voice growing more timid at his lack of reaction. I didn’t really know how he would react, but I hadn’t expected absolutelynothingfrom him. “I don’t want to mooch off you, Wade. I just was thinking that if I gave myself a little more time, I could get in a better place to leave...”

And spend more time with you.

But I held that back. I was still independent, and it wasn’tallabout Wade. Some of it was, but also, Hazel was more of a friend than I’d ever had outside of my sister. Texas just feltgood.

And I wanted to explore that.

“I think you should go to Arizona.”

Or not.

My heart nearly ripped in two at the words, my mouth dropping open as I sat up in his bed. “And what’s your reasoning for that? I just told you that I wouldn’t mooch off you. I literally intend to—”

“It’s not about that,” Wade cut me off, his voice stern. “It’s the fact that if you stay, what arewesupposed to do? We knew this would never be a long term thing.”

The hurt in my chest only grew. “So you want me to leave solely because youdon’twant to see me anymore?” I couldn’t believe what he was implying, but at the same time, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

Does he not feel something between us?

“I mean...” his voice trailed off. “It’s not like that. You’re making me sound like an asshole. You were never planning to stay, and I don’t want to be the reason that you do. I’ve told you that I don’t do relationships.”

“Ineverlisted you as a reason to stay,” I argued, flipping back the bed covers and swinging my feet over the edge. “I was trying to do what’s best for me.”

“And somehow that went from you saying that you needed to leave as soon as possible, to you saying that you might stay—and sleeping in my bed every night.”

I stood to my feet, grabbed my sweatpants and slid into them. “Youinvited me to sleep in your bed, Wade,” I exasperated, shaking my head. “Don’t make this out likeI’mthe only one with feelings.”

“You’re not,” he said, his voice growing quiet, his eyes pulling away from mine. “I never said that I didn’t have feelings for you, too,orthat I didn’t want you to sleep in my bed.”

“You’re contradicting yourself.” I folded my arms across my white long sleeve shirt. “You’re telling me to leave, but then admitting you have feelings for me. You’re justfuckingwith my head.”

“I’m not trying to do anything to your head.” He shrugged, pushing himself up to a sitting position. “I just don’t want you to stay here for me, and I know that you’re listing out other reasons... But I feel like the Cheyenne that I was with at the cabin never would’ve considered staying here in Texas. You wanted to leave.”

“Things can change,” I retorted, feeling offended and vulnerable. “And quite frankly, your family has made me feel like I fit in, and Hazel has become a good friend.”

He nodded, his face softening a little. “So this really has nothing to do withus? Because as much as I want to believe you...”

“Yeah,fine,” I shot back at him, throwing my hands up. “Itdoeshave a little to do with us, but it’s notjustabout us, and I know that I made it clear that I wanted to just move through and get to Arizona, but that’s because I was desperate to find a place that I felt I belonged.”

“And you expect to pursue a relationship with me?”

My head was spinning at his calm tone, making me feel like I might be on the verge of going crazy. “I don’t know. I guess you made that clear that wewon’tbe pursuing a relationship, and as much as you try to say that you don’tdorelationships, I think you’re just scared of what’s there between us.”

“Why in the hell would I be scared?” his voice suddenly jumped in volume, me having clearly hit a nerve.

Finally.

“I don’t know, you’re all about how women are just a bunch of gold diggers, yet I’ve donenothingto make you feel that way. I even said that if I stayed, I wouldn’tstaywith you. I have no desire to have any of you or your family’s money. I’ll make my own way. It’s just the connection we have… I’ve never felt that before,” I admitted, the vulnerability making my hands tremble. Ineverput myself or my feelings out there to the extent that I was with Wade in the moment...

---