Page 92 of Lion & Lamb

“But you made this lovely breakfast.”

“And almost took a bullet to the brain! I don’t know why you’re not making a bigger deal out of that.”

“Well, he missed, right? I’m going to bring the leftovers to Janie.” Veena was already scooping eggs and hash browns into a plastic container.

“Anyway, I know the club a little,” Cooper said. “It’ll be easier for me to slip inside and ask some questions.”

“Hmm. I don’t think she’s much of a scrapple fan. That’s all you and Lupe.”

“Generous of you! I’ll let you know what I find.”

“Bye, Lupe, sweetheart!” Veena called.

Bye, sweetheart,Cooper thought. He groaned as he dragged himself to the shower; he hated having to dress up and look semirespectable.

Chapter98

Partial transcript of Cooper Lamb’s conversation with Richard Gard and Loren Feldman, longtime members of the Merion Golf Club

COOPER LAMB: They really pour these bottomless Bloody Marys stiff here, gentlemen. (Palm slaps a tabletop) Hoo-ah!

RICHARD GARD: That’s one of the best perks of the club, if you ask me. And thanks for this round, Cooper. Mighty kind of you.

LOREN FELDMAN: Jeez, stop pushing the kid. If he wants to join, he’ll join.

LAMB: You know, I think you guys are talking me into it. And that’s not just the rail vodka talking. (Pause) Tell me one thing, though. Archie Hughes was a member, right?

GARD: Boy, was he.

FELDMAN: Hey, enough of that. You want to get us kicked out?

GARD: What? It’s not like it’s a state secret or anything.

LAMB: What’s a state secret? Ah, come on, guys! I’m, like, the world’s biggest Birds fan. You gotta tell me!

GARD: Archie liked to gamble. Like, on everything. You could be standing on a street corner flipping a quarter, and he’d show up and want to make a wager.

FELDMAN: Yeah, but that wasn’t the problem.

LAMB: What was the problem?

FELDMAN: The problem was, he was the worst gambler I ever met. He lost all the damn time! Whatever winning Archie Hughes had in him, he saved it for the football field. Which is good, because that’s how he could afford to do all that losing.

GARD: Aw, Archie wasn’t that bad.

FELDMAN: Wasn’t that bad? How do you losehalf a million bucksduring so-called friendly rounds of golf?

LAMB: Whoa. He losthowmuch?

GARD: Look at who’s spilling state secrets now.

FELDMAN: You started this! But yeah, he lost that much. Easy. I know a guy who pretty much financed his Margate summer home with what he took off Archie Hughes. Guy called his place the Eagles Nest. Which I think is pretty hilarious.

GARD: If you want some good Archie Hughes stories, you need to talk to Ben E.

FELDMAN: Oh yeah, Ben E. has all the great stories. Not only from here but down in AC too.

LAMB: Who’s this Benny?

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