Page 2 of Adventures In Honeymooning

I could totally see this happening. Abel is the yin to my yang. The peanut butter to my jelly. The Joker to my Harley. You get the picture. When I first met him, I instantly felt a spark. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and no, it wasn’t because my face literally collided with his elbow. Clumsy queen, table for one. People talk about soulmates, and I never believed in that bullshit fairytale, until Abel. If it wasn't for him being in my life, part of my soul would die. I lovingly look at our initial tattoos we had done on our ring fingers and know it will soon have the real thing on it. Not that I don't love our tattoos. It's a symbol of our love that we'll carry with us forever.

"I fucking love you, my king. In my heart, we're already one. You complete me, Jerry McGuire, but there will be no shotgun wedding. Mara would have our heads mounted on stakes before she let that happen. She's been planning our double wedding since we were teenagers."

Abel laughs as he kisses my forehead. He knows I'm right, and deep down he fears the wrath of Mara. But now—now I'm envisioning our perfect wedding. Barefoot on the beach with the men we love. It must be the holiday spirit creeping into my Grinch-like soul. After all, this is the first Christmas in a long time that I have an actual family to celebrate with. It feels nice. Really nice.

We get back to the house, and before we can even open the door, we hear Mara singingRockin’ Around the ChristmasTreeat the top of her lungs. I decide a sneak attack is in order. Abel cracks the door open, as quietly as possible, and we creep in. Mara's back is facing us, so I position myself behind her and yell, "Break yourself, fool!" She screams and jumps so high, it looks like she's airborne. Abel is literally on the ground, crying, while Mara is shooting a jumbled mess of curse words at us.

"I will kill you in your sleep, hooker! You're dead!" She proceeds to chase me around the house with a spatula, and just my luck, I slip on a rug. My ass is now splayed all over the floor, as she hits me in the side with said spatula. Abel finally shows up and grabs the weapon out of her hands, still laughing, mind you.

"I think we've had enough violence for one day, ladies. Now, kiss and make up. Don't worry, Daddy will wait." Mara smacks him, knowing he's dreamt of the day he gets to see us lock lips. Yes, my man is a dirty little bird.

"You wish, you little pervert! Don't you have a house of your own to go to? Or should I call Noah and tell him you need a time-out? I'm sure he has an empty cell you could occupy."

Touché, Miss Thang. Touché. Abel kisses me goodbye and leaves before he gets smacked again. I make peace with Mara by bribing her with a trip to Starbucks to release the tension Abel and I created. I know my bestie, and her weakness is always Starbucks. She accepts, and we head out.

Hippie is still on his leash, sitting by the door, where we left him. Guess he deserves a pup cup, seeing how his momma is a nutjob, and he lovingly puts up with me. Yes, folks, this is apparently how we start the Christmas holiday around here. Chaos and coffee. Get used to it. It's going to be a crazy ride!

Chapter2

Mara

Why was my best friend, the person I love most in my life, a grade A turd today? ‘Cause the heffa is the Grinch's long lost sister.

On a serious note, I’ve been pulling out boxes and trying to decorate for the last two days. I know holidays are hard for her. Growing up—her parents were awful people. Her dad was a no-show. Her mom… There is no nice way to say this; she was utter trash who never did a thing for her child.

Brenna spent more time at my house—which I loved—than she did in the place that should have been her safe place. My memaw—oh, how she loved having us at her house too. She was a scary lady, but her heart was pure gold.

What brings up this topic? The season and the fact that I’ve just discovered a small box of my memaw’s keepsakes. In the box I found an ornament Brenna and I made when we were little. The date on the back says 1992. So we were like 8, no 9. It is a crusty macaroni-covered piece of felt. The tree on it is missing a few pieces of the green noodles, but other than that and the aged look of the macaroni, it is still in relatively good shape for something that is 30-something years old.

I can’t hold back the laugh seeing it pulls out of me. That day had been so much fun for the both of us. Episodes ofFull House,Family Matters, and Nickelodeon filled the background as we looked at the table full of stuff.

If I was remembering right, and I’m sure I was, we’d gotten green and red food coloring over the entire table. My memaw had been quick on her toes back then. The plastic she’d put down had been the only saving Grace. If we’d have ruined her tablecloth, we may have been buried in the backyard.

“Mara,Brenna, be careful of what you’re doing now. Don’t you make no messes.”

“We won’t, Memaw.”

That day,sitting at my memaw’s table, had been a lot of fun. Of course that hadn’t been the truth as I planned it to be, and it was all Brenna’s fault. The noodle she flicked at me cracked against my forehead. In return, I’d thrown a wooden clothes pin at her. By the time we finished our pieces, there was red and green food coloring-dyed water drops all over the placemats before us. They were on the table and truthfully, on us. Brenna and I looked like someone had killed a gremlin and we were caught in the backlash.

“What in the world?Mara Louise Applegate, Brenna Thelma Carter! What did you do?”

“Nothing!” We giggled since we answered at the same time.

“Girls, this doesn’t look like nothing!” Her voice rose, and we both stopped laughing, eyes wide.

I thought we were in serious trouble.

“Memaw, we made the macaroni pretty. Look. Do you like it?”

She stood there looking over the piles of macaroni, cotton balls, those wiggly eyes, and the fuzzy stuff. Most of it wasn’t messed up with the colors, but it would look okay once it was all together.

Suddenly memaw started to laugh. “I swear, the two of you are a mess of trouble in a basket. What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love us,” I said.

“Give us cookies.” Brenna looked at me and grinned. Memaw only laughed a little more.

“Fine, fine. Yes, I love you both. And if you can clean up some of this mess, I’ll go get you some cookies; then we can make some more of these decorations.”

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