Page 29 of The Problem with Perfect

One way I do that is Cedar Cider, the little home brewery that has now become a successful operation and is in the process of transforming into a legitimate, storefront business. I started it in our garage when I didn’t know what to do with myself after moving home, and now it’s a thriving company that I spearhead. Jackson and Boyd are investors and have been since the beginning, but Boyd has a job in Boston, and Jackson likes to dip his investment pen into many different company inks. For me, though, it’s my main priority, my main focus, the most important thing in my life besides my sister.

The other way I distract myself is women, as often as I can make the time. I’m a frequent flyer at Lucky’s, enjoying the bar during the peak points of tourist season, and I rarely go home alone, although I don’t bring women to my house anymore. I got out of that habit at the insistence of my sister, though I guess now that she has moved out, I could resume my old ways.

Surprisingly, I actually enjoy the separation of my home from my one-night stands now that I have my routine down. The ability to slip out of hotel rooms rather than do the see-you-never song and dance is much cleaner, much easier. Plus, there’s no chance of the drop-by to get something that was forgotten ‘on accident.’

I can only assume my interest in the many women who visit Cedar Point throughout the year is what has Boyd disgruntled about this whole Bellamy thing. When Jackson and Abby started dating, I had a really tough time with it because Jackson was a lot like me.

But I’m notreallydating Bellamy, and that’s why Boyd’s displeasure stings a bit more than I was anticipating. Under these circumstances, it feels more like he’s upset that I’ll be spending time with her, as if who I am is a bad influence in some way.

Boyd knows better than most the sacrifices I’ve made in my life, the hard decisions I’ve been faced with, and on more than one occasion, he’s told me I’m one of the most incredible people he knows. I’ve always held his high opinion of me close to my chest as something important, not to be squandered.

Now that his sister’s involved, is that in question?

I mull this over for as long as I can, perusing every element of my irritation and frustration, until the fatigue from hitting the final incline up to Whistler Peak has exhausted my mind to the point that I can only focus on my steps.

This is always my goal, this blissful silence in my head that only physical exertion can provide, the kind of nothing space I have to seek in order to be able to truly reflect on anything.

It’s why I swim several times a week and hike as often as I can. I’ve always figured if I exhaust my body, if I push myself so hard I don’t have the strength to be irritated or frustrated anymore, I’ll be able to look at things from a more logical perspective—or from a more neutral one, at least. It’s how I dealt with my anger after my parents died and I had to leave my life behind. It’s how I dealt with Hailey breaking up with me for reasons outside of my control. It’s how I calmed myself when Abby was acting like a petulant 16-year-old and it felt like too much for my 22-year-old skills to handle. And today, it’s how I’m letting go of my anger at my sister and Boyd for thinking less of me than I thought they did.

When I break through the clearing at the end of the trail, I step out onto the wide-open space known as Whistler Peak. The wind up here blows in much stronger strokes, unfettered by the thousands of trees covering most of the mountain ranges. To my left, I can see Cedar Point, the lake, and the length of Main Street and downtown. To my right I can just barely see some of the houses scattered in the trees in Spencer Creek, as well as the bustling small town of Belleview in the distance.

These mountain communities, among many others, are beautiful and special and wonderful places to live. As angry as I can get about the shitty hand life decided to deal to me and my sister, I’m so thankful we had somewhere soft and familiar to land, a place that was safe and filled with love. After what we went through, we needed it.

I lie down in the grass and stare up at the sky for a good twenty or thirty minutes, my fingers twisting into the blades beneath me as I try to sink into the calm of my mind. Maybe what I’m feeling isn’t actually anger with my sister and Boyd. Maybe it’s disappointment instead, but not in them—in myself.

There was a time when I saw a future that was filled with more than just nameless, sometimes faceless women. There was a time when I wanted a serious relationship, when part of my imagined future included a family.

With my parents’ death and then Hailey ending things, I just turned that part of my mind off, deciding it wouldn’t be worth the pain, but maybe it’s time for a change. Maybe this thing with Bellamy is coming at the perfect time.

I mean, being in a relationship with the town’s favorite daughterhasto win me some brownie points, right? Set me up as a different kind of man than what people normally think of when they hear the name Rusty Fuller?

When I first agreed to fake date, it was mostly out of a complete dislike for Connor Pruitt and wanting to help Bellamy put the little shit in his place. Now though, I’m wondering if maybe there are other positives that could come from it as well.

chapternine

Bellamy

“Hey, Bellamy!”

I turn at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, internally wincing when I see it’s Stace walking toward me, a wide smile on her face.

It never once occurred to me that I’d need to be on guard at work, that the man I pined after for years would be engaged and his fiancée would come into my place of employment. Clearly it was naïve of me to assume Lucky’s would be a kind of safe haven, a place where I wouldn’t have to worry about seeing either of them.

“Hi, Stace.” I tuck my tray under my arm. “You here for dinner tonight?”

If the two of them are coming in for dinner, I will literally give Nicole all my tips for the day to seat them in another section. The last thing I want to do is wait on Connor and Stace and get snippets of them planning their wedding or talking about the future.

No thanks.

“No, I’m actually just stopping by to see you.”

My eyebrows rise, surprise evident on my face. “Oh, yeah? Well, what can I do for you?”

At that, she blushes and tucks her chin-length hair behind one ear, and that’s when I realize she looks a bit unsure.

“Well, it’s actually kind of embarrassing,” she says, confirming my suspicions. “I’m wondering if you want to get coffee or something this weekend.”

My entire body freezes as shock ricochets through me. I could have been given all the guesses in the world, and not in a million years would I have assumed Stace would be asking me to…hang out.

---