Page 85 of The Problem with Perfect

I think back to when Rusty told me his parents died on his birthday, coming home from visiting him. I’ve wondered since that conversation if he considers himself responsible for robbing his sister of a family, if he thinks he needs to serve some kind of sentence.

“I guess what I’m saying is…ever since you two started dating, I feel like I see some of that light back again.” She looks at me, smiling. “And while I might not have initially understood the two of you together, I can see how happy he makes you, too. I can’t remember the last time I saw you quite as bright and full as you’ve been the past few weeks, and I’m so glad you’ve both found someone who gives you such joy.”

I don’t have the heart to tell my mom the real story, that it began as a lie and has a good chance of fizzling out any day. There’s also the fact that I don’t really know where things with Rusty currently stand, so all I can do is hope he’s taking this time to think things over.

I meant it when I said I would fight for him. I will—tooth and nail, to the death, ride or die—but he has to show me I’m what he wants.

That he’ll fight for us, too.

* * *

We’re finishing up our lemonade and about to head inside when I see a familiar brunette walking around the side of the house.

“Hey!” I call, smiling and waving, but when Stace’s eyes connect with mine, my smile falls, and I push out of my chair. “Are you okay?”

She’s been crying, that much is more than obvious. Her nose and eyes are red and puffy, and she looks miserable. Stace steps up onto the porch, and I wrap her in a hug.

“I just came to say goodbye.”

My eyes widen and I pull back, my hands on her shoulders. “What?”

She nods. “My flight is tonight. I’m heading back to Seattle for the rest of the summer.”

Shock rolls through me, not just at the fact that she’s leaving, but also at the sudden realization I’m having that I don’t want her to go.

“Why? What happened?”

“Connor and I called off the engagement.” She wipes away the new tears that are beginning to fall with the back of her hand. “We broke up, and I just want to go be with my mom.”

I motion for her to come sit, and my mom points to the sliding door, quietly heading inside to allow us some privacy.

“It makes sense that you’d want to go home, but…I mean, what happened?”

The last thing I want to do is see Stace marry Connor. She deserves so much better than him, so I don’t doubt this is for the best, especially after finding out more about what a slimeball he was last summer. Even so, my new friend is hurting, and I wouldn’t have wished this on her.

“I just realized we’re too different, you know? We want completely different things, and I don’t want to settle for less than what I really want.”

I nod my head. “Well, good for you. It’s hard to set those boundaries, especially when you love someone.”

“I want what you and Rusty have,” she continues, and my stomach twists, the guilt settling in hard and fast. “I don’t want to be with someone who only kind of listens to me and doesn’t really care what I think. A good sex life is not enough. I thought it was the most important thing, but after watching you and Rusty, I realized I want more than that.”

Licking my lips, I have the sudden urge to tell her, about me and Rusty and how everything she saw between us was fake, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s partially because I don’t want to ruin her hope of finding someone who treats her right, but also because if I admit it out loud like that, to Stace, I’m admitting it really was all just pretend, and I’m not entirely sure it was.

At the very least, I’m not willing to concede it just yet. My heart is too filled with how I feel about that man to ever claim what we’ve shared has been a total sham. No matter what happens with Rusty, I’m realizing for me, it will always have meant more, even if he can’t admit it to himself.

Stace and I talk for a little while longer about her plans—she’s heading back to Seattle for the rest of the summer to live with her parents and will return to college for her final year in the fall—before she says she has to go finish packing before her flight.

“I just wanted to come over and say goodbye to the one true friend I’ve made since I got here,” she tells me, giving me a sad smile. “I really like you Bellamy—youandRusty—and I hope our paths cross again in the future.”

We embrace, then she walks down the steps and back around the side of the house, presumably to her car so she can head back to the Pruitts’. When I’m left with my thoughts, the first thing I want to do is call Rusty to tell him, but I don’t. Even though I said I would fight for him, I still need to give him the space to figure out what he wants.

Even if it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

* * *

I can’t help but notice the empty seat during my shift at The Mitch.

There was a part of me that hoped he’d come in and sit across from me like he always does, with that small familiar smile that has become more and more genuine over the past few weeks.

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