Page 78 of The Problem with Perfect

“Does it matter?”

“Considering that I told him we aren’t really dating, yes.”

I ignore the vibe he’s giving—the one that says he wishes I wasn’t here—and remind myself that I was invited here just a few hours ago. He must just have a lot on his mind.

“Well, I came over because I wanted to tell you about my conversation with Emily.”

Rusty looks confused but waves for me to follow him, and we head into the living room and take a seat on his couch.

“Apparently, she had a thing with Connor last summer, too.”

That bit of gossip wakes him right up.

“What?” he says, his tone both shocked and furious.

I nod. “He was visiting her at the bar inside the resort. She works there for extra tips during high tourist season, and apparently he was super flirtatious and they used to go have sex at Easy Street when her shifts were over.”

Easy Street is the nickname we have for the overlook up in the mountains behind the resort, a popular hookup spot for high school students. While I haven’t been there with a guy, I’m pretty sure most people I know have been there at least once, even into their twenties.

He rolls his eyes. “Hewouldtake someone there. The little shit seriously never grew beyond high school.”

I feel kind of bowled over by that assessment, thinking it’s probably the truest observation he’s made about Connor.

“How are you doing with that bit of info?” he asks, his eyes flicking over my face.

“You know, I’m actually not that mad,” I reply truthfully. “It almost feels easier to know he was even more of a jerk than I initially thought. At the same time, it’s difficult to finally realize he probably just saw me as someone to keep in his pocket, someone who made him feel all puffed up because I had this stupid crush.”

Rusty shakes his head, his hand coming out and resting on my knee. “You can’t beat yourself up about it.”

“I know. I know I can’t…but it still feels bleh, you know?”

“Yeah,” he says, his voice soft. “I know.”

Even though I’m not actually that upset about tonight’s revelation about Connor, I’m feeling a little…needy. I want him to ask me to stay the night. Not for lessons, but just to be in bed together, to sleep with his arms wrapped around me.

There’s a safety in his embrace I never knew existed before, and tonight feels like the perfect night for it, to tuck myself into him. The last time I spent the night, I got better sleep than I can remember getting in a long time, but I can’t buck up the nerve to ask, and when he doesn’t bring it up, eventually I give up on the idea that he will.

“Tomorrow you’re taking a practice exam, right?” he asks as he walks me to the door.

I’m surprised he remembered, the digital test something I mentioned in passing while we were out on the boat with Connor and Stace. “Yeah.”

“Well good luck. I hope it goes smoothly.”

“Me too.”

I hover at his door for a minute, each of us just watching the other.

Ask me to stay.

I wish it in my head, one more time.

Ask me to stay.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, he watches me leave, and I have an unsettling feeling that will never change.

* * *

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