Page 70 of The Problem with Perfect

I turn my body toward him, feeling shocked by this revelation. “What?”

He nods. “I always wanted to go to graduate school, like Jackson did. That was our plan. We were going to apply to grad schools, probably move out of state, start a business together. I was considering marrying Hailey and taking her with me.” Rusty shrugs. “And sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like if those things had worked out, or even if I had continued with my plans even though my parents died.”

“Wow.”

“Even though I’d rather my parents be alive, I’m thankful my idea of perfect didn’t happen. That I’m back in Cedar Point and things didn’t work out with Hailey, glad she showed her true colors. Otherwise I might have married her, and who knows how long it would have been before I really knew her. That’s the problem with perfect—it doesn’t leave room for something real.”

What he’s saying makes sense, but it’s still a hard lesson to learn.

“The same goes for you and Connor,” he continues. “It’s better that he showed what a selfish little shit he is now so you can be thankful you’re not together.”

I smile at his ‘little shit’ comment. I’ve heard him refer to Connor that way once or twice now, and it always makes me laugh.

“Well, I’m definitely thankful we’re not together,” I tell Rusty. “I can’t imagine a world where I’d want anything to do with the real Connor Pruitt, and that’s not just bitterness talking.”

He wraps his arm around me again and gives me a squeeze. “Good, because you deserve so much better than that little shit.”

“…little shit,” I say, finishing his sentence at the same time.

Rusty raises an eyebrow, and I start giggling.

“You just love calling him that.”

“Well…it’s accurate.”

I giggle again then let out a long sigh. “Thanks for listening to me.” I pause. “Thanks forasking—for caring to hear why I’m upset. It means a lot.”

He rubs my bicep affectionately then tugs me in and places a kiss on my temple.

“I know I give you shit, but I’m here if you want to talk. About anything.”

I nod, enjoying how it feels to be snuggled up next to him…maybe a little too much. Even though Rusty is saying he’s there for me, I doubt it’s as anything other than a friend. We might be more intimate with each other now that we’ve seen each other naked and explored each other’s bodies, but the point of it all is to be casual. Friendly. Just have some fun.

At least, that’s what I need to convince myself of.

* * *

Eventually we head inside, and I walk Rusty to the door, thanking him again for spending the time talking to me. I watch him as he walks out to his Blazer, waving as he turns his car around and heads down the drive. It’s starting to occur to me that maybe I don’t need Rusty to be my fake boyfriend anymore considering the fact that I’ve finally come to the realization that Connor is an asshole.

A little shit, if you will.

I grin as I take the stairs up to my room, but it fades when I think about telling Rusty we can probably call it off. Something about that idea pinches the inside of my chest.

I take a seat at my desk, staring unseeing at the textbooks spread out and waiting for me to dive in. It wouldn’t make sense for Rusty and me to break up right now, I tell myself. It’s only been a few weeks, and even though I might not care about Connor anymore, it still can’t hurt to have Rusty as a buffer. Besides, we still have more sex lessons to attend to.

My cheeks flush at that thought, and I close my eyes, remembering what it was like to mess around on Rusty’s bed, to touch him, to have him touch me…

A shiver races through me, and it feels divine. If I were to ever classifyanythingas perfect, it would be the way it feels when Rusty and I are pressed together, naked and open to each other in a way I never could have imagined before him.

I clear my throat and open my eyes.

Casual. Friendly. Just for fun.

I repeat the words to myself a few times, hoping they’ll stick, hoping I’ll believe them.

chaptertwenty

Rusty

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