Page 64 of The Problem with Perfect

“Like…maybe I should have had more sex and then sex with Connor wouldn’t have mattered as much as it did. But since I can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing that would make sense would be to have a bunch of sex moving forward to reduce his impact…right?”

When Rusty doesn’t say anything, I finally turn my head to the side and find him watching me, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You’re saying you want to have a lot of sex so when you think about sex, you don’t only associate it with Connor?”

I nod. “Yeah. And I was thinking, since you’re, you know, a guy who enjoys sex and sees it as fun, and clearly we have some sort of chemistry…maybe you could be the one who helps me feel more comfortable about it.”

His eyes scan my face for a long moment before he looks back up at the sky, and I see him swallow, almost like he’s uncomfortable.

“I mean, you don’t have to,” I say, trying to backtrack. “It was just an idea. And I figured since you weren’t having sex with other people for a while because you’re doing me the favor of being my fake boyfriend, maybe I could…”

“What?” he interrupts. “Do me the favor of having sex with me?” Rusty sighs and sits up, looking far more upset than I thought he would.

I mean, he’s clearly at least somewhat attracted to me, and I’m offering him sexy times, so I’m kind of confused about why he looks like I said something outlandish. I sit up as well, thinking maybe this is a far more serious conversation than I was anticipating.

“Sex is not a bartering chip, Bellamy,” he finally says, looking across the lake, twinkling lights showing where other homes are hidden within the trees. “I don’t want you to have sex with me as a favor.”

“Well…I didn’t mean that, exactly. I meant more like, clearly we would both enjoy it, you know? And we’d both get more than just the enjoyment out of it. You’d get your stress relief, and I’d get more experience.”

He’s silent for a while, his arms resting on his knees, his hands clasped together. Eventually he turns around and looks at me.

“You’re serious. You want to just have sex for fun.”

I nod. “And with you, itwasfun. With Connor it was…there was so much pressure built up in my mind because it was this guy I’d been in love with forever and now it was finally happening…” I shake my head. “It wasnota good time, and I don’t want to feel that way with the next guy.”

Something inside of me feels icky when I say that out loud, and I want to take the words back. I shouldn’t be referencing some other, hypothetical guy in the future when I’m talking to Rusty. It feels wrong, somehow.

“So, basically, you’re asking me for sex lessons.”

At that, I giggle, my cheeks flushing and slight nervousness running through me at the thought.

“Well, kind of. I guess.”

He shakes his head, but there’s a hint of a smile there, too.

“Bellamy Mitchell, what are you getting me involved in? First a fake boyfriend, and now sex lessons?”

It’s a relief that the serious tone he had just a moment ago is gone, something lighter and more teasing having taken its place.

“I guess I’m a lot more interesting than either of us ever gave me credit for, huh?”

Rusty watches me for a long moment, his eyes searching my face.

“We’ll talk more about this, okay?” he eventually says, pushing up to standing and reaching out a hand to help me up as well.

I nod. “Yeah.”

We walk down the dock together in silence, the nighttime quiet of the lake surrounding us. When he takes off in his Chevy and sticks an arm out the window to wave, I can’t help the thrill of excitement that rushes through me.

I’m not sure what the next few weeks with Rusty Fuller will look like, but I’m sure excited to find out.

chaptereighteen

Rusty

I started noticing it almost immediately after that night when Bellamy and I kissed at The Mitch. I’d be doing a delivery or picking something up at a store around town, and people who hadn’t really ever had much to say to me before would start asking me random questions or striking up a conversation.

The first time, it was Roy Pulasky, the owner of the hardware store.

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