Page 57 of The Problem with Perfect

At that, his head falls back, and he laughs, the sound echoing across the water.

“Told you,” he eventually says. “Fuzzy sock kind of girl.”

We float there for a few more minutes, and it’s hard not to feel lulled into a state of comatose bliss in Rusty’s hands. At this point, it feels less like he’s trying to warm me so I can stay in the water and more like he’s just touching me anywhere he can reach.

His hands run up and down my biceps before gently doing the same on my thighs, lightly brushing my stomach as they move. I feel that gentle graze like I’ve been struck by lightning, my entire body erupting in goose bumps, and I know Rusty can feel them, because he’s continuing to rub my skin.

My breathing picks up, and I catch him staring at my lips. It feels like we’re suddenly so much closer to each other than we were just a few minutes ago. The thought of kissing him crosses my mind, but I instantly tamp it down.

I promised him I wouldn’t do something like that again, and even though we’re here with Connor and Stace, even though I’m sure I could explain it away just like Rusty’s mild kiss when he first got on the boat, I can’t break my promise to him.

I can’t let him down, no matter how desperately I want to kiss him in this moment.

“I should probably get out of the water,” I say, my voice calm and quiet, even though I feel a riot of want and need rushing through my veins.

He watches me for a long moment, and for just a second, I see the thought reflected on his face almost like words as it runs through his mind, the thought of kissing me.

Then he lets it pass and backs away, giving me the space to climb onto the step and hoist myself back onto the boat. I grab my towel and wrap myself up, enjoying the way the warmth of the air and the heat from the sun-baked fabric feels on my skin.

When I glance back at Rusty, I find him still floating in the water, looking up at me.

“I’m gonna swim over to the shore.” He turns and swims off, his body strong and fast as he cuts through the water, heading to the beach a little ways away.

Clearly, he needs some space, too.

chaptersixteen

Rusty

I stretch out on the sand, catching my breath and enjoying the feel of the sun as it heats my body.

I swim several times a week, so the short distance from the boat to the shore wasn’t anything that tired me. The reason I’m trying to slow my breathing is because of how it feels to be around Bellamy, and the fact that she has this undeniable way of leaving me breathless.

God, I can’t believe I’m even admitting that to myself, but I almost kissed her again. I need to stop doing that. I need to remember what’s at stake here: my closest friendship.

There isn’t a bone in my body that could imagine a world where I’d betray the one man who stood beside me when my universe fell apart. When my parents died, it was just me against the world. Sure, I had Abby, but I had to behersupport.

Boyd was mine, and through it all, he was there for me, listening to me cry or bitch or just sitting in silence with me as I fumed about how unfair it all was. Not only was he my greatest support emotionally, he was also one financially by investing in Cedar Cider when I was scrambling for a way to make our lives in Cedar Point stick.

I didn’t have many options. I know almost nothing about cars, so keeping dad’s shop was out, and I sold that off to liquidate so Abby and I could keep the house, which—by the time we got it all figured out—was months behind in mortgage payments. There were death taxes and my college debt, and I knew I’d need to come up with something if Abby wanted to go to college.

When I began fucking around with making my own beer and it tasted damn good, it felt like a possible saving grace, but itneverwould have gotten off the ground without Boyd. I approached both banks in Cedar Point, and neither would give me a loan. I even drove down the mountain to see if I could find some other way to make it work but ended up scrapping that for fear of ending up with a loan shark who would take our house or something. It was a mess.

Then Boyd said he wanted to buy in, said he believed in the product—believed inme.

I nearly cried when he said it.

So when I say Cedar Cider wouldn’t exist without him, I mean exactly that, and that’s why I can’t forget about my friendship with him, no matter how intoxicating each new moment is that I spend with Bellamy.

Damn if I don’t feel lit up by her on the inside in a way I can’t remember ever feeling before.

And I mean ever.

I’m not saying this is the best I’ve felt since Hailey. I’m saying this is the best I’ve felt, period. Hard stop.

She makes me feel light inside, like the world isn’t this heavy dark place that’s hard to manage and hard to face on my own. Bellamy’s smile—the way it sits just slightly crooked on her face with that little dimple I always want to kiss—and that damn fucking giggle when she thinks something’s really funny…it just hits a rough spot inside of me that I didn’t even realize was there.

It’s pretty clear to me now that turning off these feelings for her isn’t something I’m going to be able to do overnight. It’ll just need to happen on its own.

---