Page 90 of Sure

“Daddy!”

The sound of Teddy’s voice when I walk through the door startles me, and when he runs my way, I sink down to my knees to accept his hug, my soul seeming to buoy at the way his tiny body snuggles into my arms like it has since he was first put there on the day he was born.

Tears stream down my eyes at the reality of what Melody wrote in her journal. At what Verona told me this afternoon. The fear I’ve kept tucked deep down inside of me since Teddy was a baby.

That he might not be mine.

And I might not be his.

Emily watches me with concern from the couch, eventually getting up and coming over to where Teddy and I are embraced in the entry.

“You know what I was thinking?” she says, her voice soothing and warm. “Tonight could be a really fun movie night. Teddy can stay up late, and we can watch Cars and eat pizza and make a fort in the living room.”

“I love forts!” Teddy says, tugging back to look at me. “Can we?”

I nod at him. “Sure, buddy. That sounds awesome.”

Teddy cheers then runs in a circle around the room making car noises, and I regret every moment I’ve spent irritated at him for making too much noise.

“Do you want me to get him changed while you order the pizza? Or the other way around?”

I stand, closing the front door and turning my head this way and that to try to get out all the stress knots that are in the way.

“I’ll change him,” I tell her. “Come on, Teddy, let’s get you into your jams.”

Teddy races up the stairs and I follow behind him, listening to all his silly noises and wishing I could bottle them up forever.

Once I’ve gotten him changed, I drag out the handful of blankets remaining in the hall closet and chuck them over the bannister to the living room, making Teddy laugh and cheer and race down the stairs to stand underneath and try to catch them.

Then we use the chairs from the kitchen table and build a fort that will allow us to watch the movie. After a few bites of pizza and twenty minutes of the cartoon, Teddy conks out in his fort, all the excitement so much that he’s pooped himself out too early.

“You okay?”

I stretch my back after crawling out from the fort then cross to the couch and take a seat.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Emily climbs onto the couch next to me, close but not in my space.

“You’re full of shit.”

I nod and take a sip of the beer I pulled out earlier that has now gone warm.

“Yeah, I’m full of shit.”

We sit in silence, listening to Cars on the TV until I can’t take it anymore.

“You don’t have to sit there, staring at me and worrying about me,” I tell her.

“Okay, then tell me what to do. I don’t want to bother you, but I heard some of what that woman said earlier and I know there’s a lot on your mind. So…tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

I down the rest of my beer then turn to look at her.

“Kiss me.”

Emily leans forward and presses her lips to mine, soft and sweet and wet. But I don’t want soft and sweet. I’m angry. I’m pissed. So I nip at her lip, causing her to pull back and put her hand over her mouth.

“What was that?”

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