Page 27 of All Bets Are Off

“But?” I ask, scared to hear his answer but needing to anyways. Scared it’s going to confirm all my worst nightmares, the worst of my rampant thoughts that have consumed me. The sting in my cheek a stark reminder that he’s surprised me once more today.

“But then I realized I don’t need you to choose me. You see, Brielle, I already own you. I don’t really care how we got here, you’re still mine. Regardless of what they want, regardless of even what you want. I own you.”

Those words play on an endless loop in my head. Long after I leave him behind, through my long walk home and my stilted conversations with Shelby. They follow me even into my dreams that night.

Just how far will I have to fall to pay for our sins of that night?

ChapterEleven

My steps areslow and casual, as if I have no destination in mind. As if I don’t know exactly where I am going to end up. As if I haven’t been drawn there since class on Thursday. To this place, to her.

To the outside world I look calm and cool, yet inside I am struggling to maintain control. I walk with only one place in mind, with only one person in mind. Her perfectly relaxed stare and pointed sneer from class still fixed into my mind. I don’t believe it, not for a second. It had a calculated edge to it, too contrived to be a genuine reaction.

I wanted to follow her then, to watch her deal with the fall out of our latest strike against her. A strike I fear we should have never done, but it’s too late now. My feet ached to chase after her, to maybe talk to her, even though I’m one of the last people she would want to talk to. I couldn’t stop the desire from rushing to the surface, almost making me trip over my own feet as I forced myself not to follow my instincts. It wasn’t like I could turn my back on the guys now. Especially not after my conversation with Eli before the email was sent. Not after it was my slight nod, my moment of weakness that craved revenge, that had Eli hitting send.

It was one of the lowest moments I’ve had since we first saw that Instagram post. I’ve never experienced instant regret the way that I did following that conversation. The other three were quick to settle into their rage when we realized Bri wasn’t coming back to us. Quick to cross the thin line between love and hate.

I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth at the thought. I love the guys, I do, but I can’t shake this feeling of how wrong this all feels. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, this isn’t how we were supposed to be starting out our freshman year. We were meant to be with her, the five of us against the world, just like always.

Instead, I’m here alone. Can’t reach out to Brielle, but can’t admit to the guys I can’t abandon her either. Even if she did it first.

I come to a stop at the spot I took up last time, across the road from the restaurant and begin my watch. I know Brielle is inside having breakfast with Carson. It wasn’t hard to figure out their little routines. This is the one that they’re the most religious about. Every Sunday, I know exactly where to find her.

All I have to do is wait for them to leave.

My eyes scan the road, it’s early and quiet, this isn’t exactly the kind of place that college kids frequent. A laugh gets clogged in my throat when I think of Bri eating here. This isn’t her at all. We might be legacies, but we’d take pizza and beer over some fancy five course meal any day, or at least we used to. I have to remind myself I clearly don’t know her as well as I used to.

The doors open and my breath hitches, but when I see two of BSU’s professors leaving, I relax. They won’t even notice me loitering here and it gives me a chance to overhear their conversation.

“I don’t think I would be able to show my face, let alone be all smiles the way the two of them are after what that article insinuated. Their parents must be in an outrage over the damage to their reputations,” one of them remarks.

The other one laughs, an unamused sound. “Even if I hadn’t seen the retraction printed the next day, I would have bet money on it being done by the end of the day. I’d pity the boy who wrote it, but he had to know his expulsion was inevitable. He should just be thankful the Montgomerys intervened with the Crawfords and handled the discussion with the chancellor themselves.”

I roll my eyes to myself. I wasn’t surprised that action was taken so quickly, but it never fails to impress me how fast the elitist will move when their family name is on the line. The first woman purses her lips. “The retraction won’t be enough to stop people from talking. Not even money can make that happen.”

Tuning them out as they move past me and head back to campus, I focus back on the restaurant. The women aren’t totally wrong, most people won’t care about the retraction. But the guys did. The house has been more tense since they first saw it, already planning the next phase of this asinine plan. I’m on their side. I really am. I just… I have this feeling I can’t put into words. It feels as if the answers to all my questions are only a finger’s length away from my grasp.

A flash of bright blond pulls me from my reverie. I recognize it as the shade that used to brighten up my day. My eyes trail over the scene in front me. Brielle is pressed into Carson’s side, his hand wrapped possessively around her hip as he stares down at her with an adoring grin. She tilts her head against his shoulder as she giggles at whatever he says.

It’s a sound I would never associate Brielle with. One I don’t think I’ve ever heard come from her mouth. Her laughs have always been loud and boisterous. Even when we were all forced to attend our parents' events, they ran more along snickers than giggles, as her mother would stare her down with pleading eyes for us all to behave.

I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from them even as the sight stings me to my core. Brielle could have anyone in the world she wanted. She didn’t have to pick one of us but how could she settle for someone as slimy as Crawford? And how could she look so happy as she does? But maybe most importantly, why don’t I recognize this happiness on her? Was she never happy with us at all?

She walks with him to his obnoxious car, but walks to the driver’s side. He bumps her up against the closed door, pressing their fronts together as he drops his nose into her hair that hangs loosely over her shoulders.

I run my fingers through my own hair, tugging at it as I do, in a vain attempt to keep myself from going insane as I watch them. He trails kisses over her shoulder and she tilts her neck to the side to give him more access.

My light breakfast of a granola bar and one of Z’s protein shakes threatens to make its way back out into the world, but I force myself to stay still. I don’t even blink as he kisses her long and hard before obviously saying goodbye and getting in his car.

Why does it feel like all our attempts of tearing them apart so far have only made them more overt in their public displays of affection?

She watches and waves as he pulls away from the curb, backing up slightly as she does. As the distance between them increases she becomes more and more tense. Her figure growing taut almost as if with strain until he turns the corner and her composure snaps, her entire body deflating. As if the will to maintain her flawless image has been shattered. As if maybe it was never her will at all, but one tied to Carson himself and as soon as there was distance between them, that string snapped.

I watch in confusion, battling against my wayward thoughts. She turns around, moving to walk the opposite way of the way she came. Walking closer to me. If she goes only a few more steps she will be able to see me, to know that I had been watching her. Still, I can’t seem to pull myself from this spot. Can’t tear my eyes away from her as I try to work through all of the pieces I have and try to fit them together into a puzzle that makes some semblance of sense.

She’s no longer the loud and carefree Brielle I once knew so well. But in this moment, she isn’t the dignified, preppy, and adoring girlfriend of Carson either. Only moments ago, she seemed light and flirty. Almost playful with him. But now, I get that same sense I’ve gotten every other time I’ve watched her. She just seems lonely.

The thought turns my stomach, especially as I realize we’ve added to her isolation. Ruined her chances of making friends here. Maybe that’s why she wanted to leave us in the past. Maybe she always knew that no matter how much we loved her, we were only ever destined to be her downfall. When do the monsters ever end up with the princess after all?

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