Page 38 of Vicious Chaos

“She would have fit in perfectly,” I whisper roughly. My emotions get the best of me for the first time in a long time. They rise up in monstrous waves as they crash through me, rocking me to my core. The whole while, Scarlett just holds me. She taps a simple rhythm against my chest until my breathing slows, my heart rate calms, and the wild rush of emotion ebbs away to leave me in a subdued sense of loss.

I open my eyes to find her already looking at me, just waiting for me to meet hers. She locks her eyes on mine before she takes a deep breath. Her gaze never wavers, and yet I can tell how hard it is for her to push her words out.

“My sisters are still stamped on everything I do. My favorite coffee house, my favorite restaurant,” her voice trails off as she gets a small smile on her lips.

My breath catches in my throat as a broken chuckle escapes. “Of course, Harlee and Marnye.”

She hums as a look I’ve never seen on her face takes over. It’s somehow more broken and yet brighter than I’ve ever seen her. “Blue was Marnye’s favorite color, roses were Harlee’s favorite flower. Every business ties back to them. Some odd little comment or inside joke, one of their favorite shows or foods or colors. Their presence is engraved in my soul and they leave their mark on everything I do.”

It’s so obvious now that she says it, I don’t know how I hadn’t put the pieces together sooner. I just never stopped to think about their names, too caught up in the macabre nicknames the media gave to them all.

“M and H.” I smile as I think about a very well known logo with those two letters intertwined.

She grins, but it has none of her usual manic energy in it. I think this is the first time I’ve ever really seen Charlotte. I’ve seen her beaten down and bruised as Scar, lost and tired as Scarlett, but never this side of her. Somehow softer and all the more heartbreaking for it as she lets the pain and sadness she still feels over losing her sisters rise to the surface for me to witness.

“M and H, Mending Hearts. Everything good I’ve ever done has been for them. To honor them. To remember them. To mourn them. The revenge, the blood, the dancing, the power trips, that’s for me. Even with them gone, they bring me balance. Give me purpose. I couldn’t save them, so I save who I can.” She closes her eyes, dropping her head against my chest.

“It doesn't make their loss worth it. It doesn’t give it meaning or make it okay. It doesn't make me miss them any less. But it’s enough to keep me hanging on. Enough to let me think about them and smile, even when I’m smiling as tears stream down my face.”

She gently thumps her head against my chest. I can feel her struggling to put everything she wants to say into words. She has no idea how much she’s already helped me. Made me feel less alone. Helped me understand some of the decisions I’ve made over the years. Things I had never realized until I heard her talk about her sisters.

“Loss like ours isn’t overcome. Not something we work through or get used to. It’s just another thing we survive. Because we have to. Because if we stop fighting for even a moment, that riptide will suck us in and we will drown before we even realize we stopped swimming. It doesn't mean we never cared, it means we still care. It might even mean we still care too much, but we’ll never stop. Because we know our girls deserve an eternal love even if we have to bleed to make it happen.”

My heart breaks all over again for both of the women that changed my life. When I first met Scarlett, it was like seeing Madeline in the flesh all over again. They couldn’t look more different, and yet, they had the same presence. I could see the life that had been shrouded by the darkness surrounding Scarlett, slowly drowning her, threatening to take her away completely.

I didn’t know her, I shouldn't have cared. But I did. I remembered what it was like watching Madeline suffer in silence as she faded more and more with every passing day. I couldn’t save her so I wanted to save the girl at the bar with her black hair and tight smile. I didn’t realize she would save me too.

“I ran for me,” I admit on a sigh. “It would be easy to say I left that world for her. To take a stand against what was done to her. But that isn’t the truth. I never wanted to follow my father’s footsteps. Never cared about the politics that comes with old money. Hated the games that were always being played behind fake smiles. I left the first chance I could to escape my own chains. I knew how hard I would have to fight to gain my own freedom, but that was always the plan. I was always going to try and turn my back on that world, I just hadn’t figured out how.

“When I lost her, I figured it out. The running was never about her but I did go to medical school for her. It had always been her dream. My father still had his claws deeply embedded in my back, even after I went away to university. I couldn’t figure out how to escape him. Of course, had it been that easy, Madeline never would have died in the first place.” I sigh and bury my face in Scarlett’s hair, taking a deep breath and inhaling her scent.

My pretty girl. Who buries her past and runs from her emotions. I guess we aren’t so different after all. I never thought I would be the biggest hypocrite of us all.

“It took a lot of careful planning, setting aside resources and funds, making connections outside of my father’s circle. I had to move in the shadows so he didn’t figure out what I was up to. Going to medical school gave me a longer reach, got me further away from Belridge Heights, nearly out of his reach. But I still had my mother to protect. Was still expected to come home, participate in his dirty deals and shady lifestyle. Marking me as corrupt as the rest of them. Giving him the blackmail he needed to keep me in line.”

It eases me the way Scarlett just listens. Letting me soak her in without having to comment on each part of my ugly history. No judgment or condescending attitude. Just acceptance. Understanding. Probably more than anyone else I’ve met, Scarlett understands what it’s like to grow up in a house like that. To live in a society that truly believes they are above the rest of the world and who will do anything to keep themselves at their positions.

“My father dying was how I was able to finally make some moves to protect my mother. To cut off the corruption within our own businesses, to distance myself and our family from the evil rooted in that world. My father’s associates tried to fight back, but I was able to thwart all attempts since I had everything so carefully planned. I still have a lot of their secrets, know where they bury their skeletons, know who their informants are, who is in their pockets.”

She jerks back and a wild light is sparking in her eyes as she realizes the amount of information I have stored up. The very thing that was able to get me out of this life and protect me all these years.

The realization dawns on her at that exact moment. I see it the moment her face falls. She chews on her bottom lip, giving me a look full of so much guilt and sadness. “You fought to get away from this life,” she whispers.

I grip her face in between both my hands, freeing her tortured lip with my thumb as I do. “No, pretty girl. I fought to have control of my life.” And damn if that isn’t the biggest truth of them all. “To not be used by everyone around me. To not be molded in the image of a man I hated with a passion.”

I can still see the heavy sense of guilt weighing down on her. I run my hands up her thighs, lifting her shirt as I go. “But you, pretty girl,” I whisper hoarsely. “You can use me anyway you like.” Her legs widen as she settles herself over me until she’s straddling my rapidly hardening dick.

Some of the sadness leaves her features as she smirks down at me. “Is that so?”

“Mhm,” I hum as I grip her thighs in my hands. She grinds against me and I thrust my hips up to meet her, causing both of our breath to quicken. I sit up until we are both sitting chest to chest, our lips only a hair’s breadth from touching. “I would do anything for you, pretty girl.” I need to erase that last bit of weight still clinging to her.

There’s an innocence and a fear shining in her wide green eyes. Like Charlotte is still here in this moment. Scarlett can tell me all she likes that that girl is dead and buried, but it will never be true. Talking about that world, about her sisters, her own fears and regrets will always bring that girl back. Someone far softer than the woman I’m falling for, but still is just as enrapturing.

“Even if I ask you to walk back into the world you climbed your way out of?”

“Absolutely,” I agree immediately. I move my hands away from her legs until her ass is in my hands. I gently squeeze as I run my nose down her cheek and to her ear. I snake my tongue along the outer shell of her ear before whispering, “Because you and the guys will be at my sides. Because this time, I will protect the people I love and together we will get revenge for all of our girls and every single one we don’t know about too.”

Declan’s eyeswidenas he pulls back to stare at me, leaning slightly away from me as if checking to see my reaction.

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