Page 38 of Seductress

It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for him. The opposite, in fact. I could see it on his face in the dimming sunlight. He was happy. Fucking thrilled at the thought of making Asher his forever. And I refused to be the asshole who cast a pall over his best friend’s big news.

“That’s... Jesus, congratulations, man. That’s incredible.” I reached over and clapped him on the shoulder, giving him a little shake.

He grinned and shook his head. “Thanks, but maybe hold your congratulations until after I pop the question. She still has to say yes.”

“She will, brother. Don’t worry about that.”

His lips pursed on an exhale. “I can’t help it. You know, it’s crazy. After we bought the house, I felt good, you know? Great, in fact. I’d wanted Asher for so long, and she was finally mine. But when I decided that I was gonna propose, all these doubts started popping up. Rationally, I know she wouldn’t have agreed to move in with me and buy a house together if she wasn’t in this for the long haul, but I still can’t help but worry she’ll say no.”

“She won’t. You have to trust that. That woman’s gone for you, man. Just like you are for her. Hell, she’s probably been bitching to her friends, wondering when you were going to finally get off your lazy ass and make an honest woman out of her.”

His chest heaved on a heavy exhale as he looked my way. “You really think so?”

“I’m certain of it,” I assured him. “She’ll say yes. Then you guys can pop out a whole mess load of kids and live in chaotic bliss.”

He studied me for a beat in a way that had the beer turning sour in my stomach. “You almost sound like you’re speaking from experience.”

I hid my wince with a pull from my bottle. Struggling to maintain my composure. “Huh.”

“You ever picture yourself going down that road?” he asked. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked something like this, but unlike the last time, there was nothing around to distract him and save me from having to answer.

“I don’t know,” I hedged, my throat becoming painfully dry. “I honestly haven’t really thought about it.”

“It’s a little crazy that you’d get to your age and never find a woman who made you consider the long-term,” he ribbed, his tone teasing, but the words packing an agonizing punch. “Unless you’ve spent your life actively avoiding it.”

I hummed noncommittally, keeping my focus on the horizon. “Hmm. Yeah, maybe it’s something like that. I guess some of us are meant to be lifelong bachelors. What can I say?” I was shocked as hell that I managed to sound calm, given how my heart was currently trying to beat out of my chest.

“Yeah, well, I’m just waiting for the day some woman comes along and knocks you on your ass, man. I’ll be sure to tell you I told you so when that time comes.”

I forced myself to laugh along with him, even though I knew that day was never going to happen. I’d already lived it once, and I wasn’t the kind of man who was lucky enough to get a second shot at that kind of good.

Owen left a short while later, and if I hadn’t had to get up early to drag my ass to the firehouse for my shift, I would have gladly spent the rest of the night drowning myself in the rest of the six pack he’d brought with him.

As happy as I was that he was grabbing hold of something good in his life, the news had brought to life that storm cloud that had been hovering over me for years. The only time I’d gotten a break from that gloom was when Hardin’s light had broken through and burned it up, but without her there, it was a struggle not to collapse under the weight of all the sadness.

I spent another couple hours on the back deck, staring up at the stars in an effort to clear my mind until the chill from the night air finally forced me inside.

I climbed into a steaming shower, finally washing Hardin off my skin, and crawled between my sheets, where I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, lost in the nightmare that was my past.

18

HARDIN

My heart was playing my ribs like a xylophone as I pulled my car into a spot in front of the fire station and threw it into park. While my girl bounced around in the back seat, her excitement overflowing, I was a nervous wreck at the thought of seeing Ford again after what had gone down at Junior’s the day before.

I’d spent most of the night thinking about his proposition, trying to come to a decision, and even after a literal pros and cons list, I was still no closer than I’d been while standing inside that men’s room.

It seemed my self-preservation was strong. Annoyingly so.

The instant I shut the car off, Hazel was unbuckling her seatbelt and throwing her door open.

“Hey, hold on there, Hazelnut,” I called after her, moving fast to get out of the car before she could run off. “What have I told you about bolting from the car like that?”

She bounced in place, all jitters and untapped enthusiasm. God, I envied her energy. What I wouldn’t give for even a quarter of it. Maybe then I wouldn’t have to survive on five cups of coffee a day.

“Then hurry! He’s probably waiting for us,” she insisted, even though she really had no clue. “I bet he was ready for our tourhoursago,” she added dramatically. Because, yes, she’d tried to convince me to let her stay home from school today for this very reason, and hadn’t been happy when I refused.

“I’m sure he understood that you had school and I had work,” I said with an arched brow as I bent into the car to retrieve the three pizzas I’d brought with me. I’d made these by hand personally because, when in doubt, show up bearing food.

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