Page 48 of Her Vow to Be His Desert Queen

She knew now the worst parts of him, and she hadn’t turned away. She’d only looked up at him with those beautiful green eyes of hers and told him that those things didn’t change the person he was inside. That he was a good man.

She also called you rigid and afraid to be a man.

That was true, and maybe she was right. But he had to be rigid. And it wasn’t fear, it was necessity. He couldn’t be the King he needed to be otherwise.

But maybe he could be a man with her. He could try at least.

Sidonie stirred on the couch, and he pushed himself away from the doorframe, moving over to where she lay, that heavy, aching feeling in his chest getting stronger. It was there all the time now and he still didn’t know what it was. But only being near her eased it. Yes, he needed her, and he probably always would.

Carefully, he sat on the couch beside her and brushed a strand of red hair off her cheek, tucking it behind her ear. She smiled and her eyes opened. ‘Hmm. I was having the loveliest dream and now I’m awake I realise it wasn’t a dream at all. Because here you are.’

The heavy ache in his chest was getting painful now.

He ignored it, smiling back at her. ‘Keep dreaming,ya hayati.I will make it even more pleasant for you.’

She gave a soft laugh and turned over onto her back, the silk robe shifting and clinging in the most delectable places. He was growing even harder, especially when she gave a sexy, sensual little stretch, her back arching. ‘Again, Khal?’

He reached down and traced the curve of one full breast with light fingertips. ‘Do you object?’

‘Of course not.’ The look she gave him from underneath her lashes was smouldering. ‘I might even have to insist.’

It was his turn to laugh then, because she was beautiful and he loved it when she flirted with him, and the expression on her face softened. The glow in her eyes became somehow more intense and the smile that curved her mouth took on a warmth that nearly stopped his heart.

‘I love you, Khalil ibn Amir al Nazari,’ she said quietly. ‘I love you so much.’

She had said those words to him once before, years ago on a snowy street in Soho. And the effect they’d had then was the same as it was now, the words cutting through him like a sword through silk, opening him up.

And they should not have done. He had hardened himself thoroughly since that night. He was different. He’d changed. He shouldn’t have felt as if all his insides were spilling out, pain gripping him.

Your fault. You should have talked to her about this. You should have told her that marrying her had nothing to do with love, and that love was something you couldn’t allow.

He felt cold. They should have had that discussion. But she’d distracted him with sex the night before, and then he’d been so impatient to marry her he hadn’t had time for yet more talking. And last night, there had been all those painful confessions and afterwards, when she’d touched him, all he’d wanted was the warmth of her body and the comfort only she could give.

You have been selfish. Greedy. Like Amir.

Yes, he had been.

‘I have been meaning to have that discussion with you,’ he said flatly, the knowledge sitting in his gut like a stone. ‘Love is not part of this marriage, Sidonie. It will never be part of it.’

The look on her face didn’t change despite his tone, her gaze very steady. Not at all the same as five years earlier, when there had been only fearful hope in her eyes. ‘Why not?’ she asked.

The cold inside him deepened, though he tried to force it away. ‘Because I do not want it.’

‘I see. Because why? Love is not permitted for kings?’

It was impossible to read the expression on her face.

‘It is not.’ He tried to keep his voice even.

‘I didn’t say you had to love me,’ she said. ‘I only said that I love you.’

‘No.’ He hadn’t even realised he’d pushed himself off the couch until he found himself standing a few paces away, staring at her, as if he wanted to put some distance between them. ‘We should have talked about this, and I am sorry that I did not. But no, there can be no love between us.’

Sidonie was sitting up now, the green robe gathered around her, red hair falling in a pretty waterfall over her shoulders. She was still looking at him with the same terrible certainty. ‘Why? What is so very threatening about the fact that I love you? Tell me what’s going through your head.’

‘Why do you think?’ His voice was hoarse. ‘Because I do not love you back, Sidonie.’

She lifted a shoulder as if it wasn’t a big deal. ‘So? I didn’t ask for you to love me. That’s not why I said it.’

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