Page 84 of Tamed

Perhaps he’d meant to scare me, but he’d already been very clear about what to expect from him and I’d made my decision. I wasn’t going back on it.

I didn’t care what he’d done. I knew what kind of man he was deep down, even if he didn’t. He might think he was the monster in the labyrinth, but he’d never been that to me. He was a good man, capable of kindness and gentleness. Loyal and protective and caring of the people who mattered to him.

“Good,” I said. “Because it looks like you’re stuck with me since I’m not going anywhere either.”

He said nothing, though he tried to pull away again. I didn’t release my legs, keeping them tight around him, and he so relaxed, his body holding me pinned to the glass. “You know about Old Nick?” he said finally. “He was king of the criminal scene for decades. My father used to work for him. Right up until the day he kept some of Old Nick’s drug money to buy me a bike. He thought he could get away with it, but no one steals from Old Nick. Nick’s MO was to shoot first, ask questions later, and not just the thief. He punished the whole family too. My father knew there was no escape. So, he turned the gas on and killed himself, my mother and my little sister. I came home late from school to find them all dead.”

A pulse of horror went through me. He’d told me that story a week or so ago, but I thought he’d been talking about other people. He hadn’t, though, had he? He’d been talking about his own family.

There was nothing I could say. I could see the glitter of grief in his eyes and the echo of his own horror too, blunted after so many years, but still there, and all I could do was tighten my fingers in his hair, keep my legs around his waist, holding him tight.

“I’ll never know why he didn’t wait for me,” Caleb went on roughly. “Why he only left me to find them.”

The words chilled me. He sounded…puzzled almost. As if he’d wanted to have died with his family, but that couldn’t be right, surely?

Maybe it is. Ever heard of survivor’s guilt?

I searched his face, feeling cold inside. “You didn’t… You didn’t want to have died with them, did you?”

He wasn’t looking at me, I realized. He was looking past me, out the window. “Not then,” he said. “But later, I wondered if that wouldn’t have been better.”

The chill deepened, icy tendrils threading through my blood. He couldn’t think he’d have been better off if he’d died. He couldn’t.

I pulled hard on his hair to get his attention. “No,” I said fiercely. “No, Caleb. It wouldn’t have been better.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw. “There are many people who would disagree with you.”

“Maybe, but I’m not one of them. I wouldn’t have wanted you to not be in my life, Caleb. That wouldn’t have been better for me.”

He stared at me for a long moment and what was going through his head I had no idea. Then he went on, “I ran away after my family died. I was on the streets for a while, which was where I met your father. Eventually we were taken in by Old Nick. I had no idea that my father had worked for him and maybe if I’d known I wouldn’t have accepted the job offer. But I didn’t know. I was tired of having no money and nowhere to live, and it seemed like a good option. I climbed the ranks, eventually becoming his right-hand man, his top enforcer. When people needed punishing, I was the one who did it. And I was the one who kept them in line.” The sharp end of an uncompromising edge glittered in his eyes, the echo of the man he’d once been. “I liked it.” His voice was flat. “I was tired of being powerless and being Nick’s right hand gave me a lot of power. But there was no room for mercy. There was no room for kindness. Those were weaknesses and I got rid of them as soon as I could. It was kill or be killed and I wasn’t going to die like the rest of my family. I wasn’t going to let my father take that from me too.”

I could hear the anger in him and okay, maybe I did understand. His father had left him with him nothing, no explanation, no warning. He’d been a boy on his own and everything he’d ever loved and ever known, his whole life, had been taken from him. In his mind, itwouldhave been better not to be here. To be with his family instead.

Yet he wasn’t and the fact that he was standing right in front of me now meant he’d had a strong survival instinct. He hadn’t laid down and died. He’d got rid of certain parts of himself, the softer parts. The human parts. And he’d lived. No wonder he was so angry, though.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” I said hoarsely. “I’m glad you survived.”

He gave a mirthless smile. “You might change your mind later. Old Nick certainly did. He got nervous that I’d remember his role in my family’s death, and that I was after revenge. He also thought I was going to take his empire. He was right, on both counts. He tried to get rid of me, but I got in first.”

It was clear what he meant. I’d never met Old Nick. Caleb had always kept me well away from him, but the things I’d heard about him…

“Good riddance,” I said. “Better him than you.”

Caleb’s smile turned bitter. He lifted his hands and cupped my face, his thumb stroking over my lower lip. “Such a fierce little girl. I’m a murderer, Isabel. I’m just like my father. Doesn’t that bother you even a little bit?”

“No,” I said honestly. “He was going to kill you, but you got in first. You were just trying to survive.”

“Some would say that isn’t any kind of justification.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not ‘some’.” I opened my mouth and licked his thumb, then I took the tip between my teeth and nipped him. “I told you. I don’t care what you did back then. The past is over and done with. You’re not part of that world anymore. You’re alive and you’re here with me and that’s all that matters.”

“If you think the business world is any different then you’re naive.” His gaze dropped to my mouth. “It might not involve murder, but I can and still do destroy people from the boardroom as well as I ever did from Old Nick’s club.”

“It’s different.”

“If you’re trying to imagine I’m some kind of saint—”

I bit him again, harder this time, making him break off. “You? A saint? Please. I might be naive, but even I know you’re not exactly pure as the driven snow. Why would you think I give a single fuck about that? And why are you so wedded to the idea that you’re a horrific murderer anyway?”

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