Page 33 of Running

I stay in the shadows of the room observing. No one notices me. I like it that way. My mind is free to plan.

Hours later, the room clears. It’s early morning. The people in the house should be waking up, instead everyone is going to bed. The events of the last few days has disrupted everyone’s schedules. Soon it will go back to normal. It has to. I won’t accept anything less. My mom deserves normal again.

My grandfather pats my shoulder as he walks by and up the stairs. I’m glad he didn’t talk. I wouldn’t have known what to say. My mind is a mess. Only vengeance is clear.

Mom is sitting up in her bed. She looks tired. I want to curl into her arms like I did as a child. I want her to wrap me in her warmth and believe her when she says we are safe for the night. It was always just for the night. She couldn’t guarantee beyond it.

I’ll make sure she doesn’t have to worry beyond the night.

I try to settle into the seat closest to her. The mask I wear is firmly in place. I can’t let her know my plan. Can’t let her panic about what I am about to do. She needs to be calm and relaxed before her surgery. I don’t want her worrying.

“I can hear those wheels in your head grinding sweetie.” The corner of my mouth twitches. “What's are you thinking so hard about?”

I won’t lie to her. I won’t tell the truth either. “Just hoping your surgery goes well tomorrow.”

“It will.” There is no doubt in her voice. Good. “And soon I will be feeling back to my old self.” I nod. She won’t be her old self. At least not the one I knew. That Violet is gone. “That's not it is it?”

Shit. I had hoped she would leave it at that. Still I have more I can say that still will prevent me from lying directly. “Bosco wants me to marry Luca.”

“What?” I wondered if Bosco had said anything. Guess not.

I relax back into the chair. My eyes still flitting to the stairs. I’m not a fan of the basement. There is only one entrance and exit. Not helpful when you need a fast escape. “Says he needs a male heir to take over. Since he doesn't have a blood male then his female blood heir needs to marry the would be Don.” Mom’s gaze sits heavily on me. “Dad already choose Luca. Actually he had choose him to marry Milan, but since I'm here…” I can’t help the huff of frustration that escapes my lips.

“You don't want to marry Luca?” Her surprise throws me. Does she want me to marry Luca?

“I don't want to marry anyone.” At least I didn’t. Luca would make a good husband. Or so I imagine. Definitely a great lover. I just can’t allow myself to want it.

“You can't keep running.” She says.

I know. Doesn’t mean I won’t try. “Why not? It served us well so far.”

Mom scoots up further in the bed. Her body angling towards me. Her eyes are stern. “Yes, out of necessity. It’s no way to live life.” She believes it. She always has.

The difference between me and her is that she knows the difference. I don’t. “It’s the only life I know.”

“Yes.” There is a crack in her voice. Tears roll down her cheeks. Shit. I didn’t want to upset her. “And that is my fault.”

“No.” I say as powerfully as I can without raising my voice. I need her to understand me. To believe me when I say, “don’t you dare blame yourself. It was Santo. Santo threatened you.”

“And that threat is over.” She is trying to reassure me that I can stop running.

“Hardly.” I grab her hand and stroke my thumb over the back of her hand. The same way she did to me each night as a child. “There is a crazed hit-man out to get us as well as a pissed off Cartel. The hospital was just the first step.”

“Your father will handle it.” Her naivety to see the truth pisses me off.

“Like he did when you went missing?” It’s a low blow. It’s also the truth.

“That’s not fair.”

I drop her hand and raise from the chair. I need to move. My blood is pumping too fast to sit. “Isn't it? He was told you left. Gave his ring back and ran away and got run off the road?” I hear my voice rising. I can’t stop it. “A man in love would have gone after you. A husband wouldn't have let you go easy and a man with an entire army of men at his back should have used every resources and dollar available to find you or at the least avenged you. There should have been a trail or carnage in his wake. Instead what did he do?” I pause my pacing to look at her so I can use finger quotes. “He ‘mourned’ you with a picture in his desk drawer then waited a few years before remarrying. It’s pathetic. He’s pathetic.”

“Elena!”

“No mom.” Shit. I need to get out of here. I’ve already said more than I wanted to say. While everything I said is the truth, she didn’t need to hear it. After the life we have had she deserved to live in her bubble of happiness longer. “He may have donated his sperm to create me, but I owe him nothing. In fact I want to burn his kingdom to the ground. He doesn't deserve to be Don!” All the pain and anger I felt the last few days is reaching a tipping point. I didn’t deserve to have all this shit rubbed in my face. Milan’s two dads, Luca’s lust, Bosco and my mom’s love, or her family’s reunited happiness.

I’ve never gotten to be happy. I’ve never gotten a day’s rest.

“Elena!” She yells louder. I stop my pacing. My hands grip my hair as I try to hold onto my sanity. “Look. I get it, you're mad. I am too. Don't you think I wanted my husband all these years? Don't you think I wanted him there for every birthday and holiday? I may not be the most domesticated woman but even I longed to greet him at the door with his slippers and glass of whiskey. I wanted someone I could shoulder the responsibilities with. I wanted someone to hold me when life got hard, and I wanted to be the shoulder he leaned on all these years.” She pauses to take a breath. If she’s trying to calm me down she is doing a shit job. She’s just reiterating all the shit that could have been but never was. “I can't go back in time. If I could have, I would have done it. I don't know why he didn't come after me. I don't know why he didn't search harder or longer. Whatever the reason, I love him.

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