Page 59 of Bad Decisions

Reagan hadn't even told me she was inviting him to Emma's party. Why would she do this? After we went out to dinner the other night, it felt like things had changed between us.

Well, things just weren't as tense. I knew I'd fucked up when I came home drunk the other night, but I didn't know how to apologize for it. I didn't know how to make it up to her and Emma. No matter what I thought of, nothing seemed like enough.

I couldn't just explain what I learned. She wouldn't understand because I didn't understand. I knew I was hurt, but after that melted away all that was left was just pure embarrassment and I didn't know why. It wasn't like I was the one who cheated on her, who changed the beneficiary to my lover. Yet I was still ashamed. Embarrassed. Like maybe if I'd been a better husband, none of this would've happened.

Snatching the amber bottle of beer up, I took a long pull, one eye still on Rae and Benji. It took every ounce of strength I had in my fucking body to not grab him by the neck and throw him the fuck out of my house. I wanted to rip his hand off of her. I wanted to tell her she was never allowed to see him again.

I wanted to take her to my room and fuck her until she understood she was mine.

"You look like you're ready to kill someone." I jolted and spun toward the voice. Cora's brow lifted as she watched me. "Everything okay?"

"Great," I muttered, turning my attention back to the burgers. She hummed as she folded her arms over her chest. I tried not to pay attention to her, but I couldn't help but dart my gaze to her every millisecond.

I hadn't seen her since she had the fight with Reagan, which meant Emma hadn't seen her in just as long. While it was only a few weeks, I knew it was long enough to upset her. But it felt like betraying Rae to see Cora. I knew it was ridiculous, yet I couldn't make myself feel bad enough to want to spend time with her.

"The party looks..." she trailed off, and I took another long swig of the beer. "Nice enough." I ignored her.

Nice enough, my ass. I knew she was impressed.Iwas fucking impressed.

The ball pit was a hit, and kids were squealing and jumping around in the bouncy house. Tables covered with pink tablecloths with flying unicorns, and pink everything were scattered around. Reagan and Lily helped me blow up a million balloons last night for a balloon arch, and Lily had scattered glitter fucking everywhere in my house. It was going to take me years to get it all out, but seeing the way Emma lit up when she saw it all made it worth it.

I'd cover the floors in glitter every day if she kept smiling like that.

Reagan picked up the giant unicorn cupcake cake and hid it in her bedroom so we could surprise Emma with it. I was looking forward to that reaction too.

I smiled to myself at the thought. I knew she was going to lose her shit when she saw a giant, edible replica of Uni.

Reagan laughed, and my gaze snapped to her. She was smiling up at Benji and any warmth I'd just had simmering in my chest turned icy.

If I could get away with killing him right now, I fucking would.

"There are a lot of gifts in the gift pile, too," Cora said, pulling my attention from her daughter.

"We went a bit overboard," I admitted. I wasn't ashamed of it. Reagan helped me pick everything. This party had Reagan's touch all over it. I couldn't escape her even if I wanted to.

"We?" Cora said. "So, she's been alright?" I pushed my brows together at the question.

"She's been more than alright," I muttered. As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I should've kept them in. "I mean, she's been a life saver with Emma. And—"

"And cooking and cleaning," she finished, nodding. "And taking care of you." I cleared my throat before downing the rest of my beer. "She's not Meredith, but—"

I stopped listening. I wanted to tell her Reagan was a million times better than Meredith ever was. I wanted to tell her Reagan would've never cheated on me the way Meredith had. She would've never done any of the things Meredith had.

But I couldn't say that.

"Right," I finally breathed. "I need to take these inside." I loaded the grilled patties onto a tray and gripped it tightly in my hand. I needed another beer, too.

Cora's mouth was still parted, words still coming out, when I walked away. It felt like everything was crumbling down around me. How was this my life?

Walking through the house, I stepped into the kitchen and slid the tray onto the counter before gripping the edge with both hands. I dropped my head forward and took a deep breath.

Whatever this infatuation was with Reagan needed to stop. But why did the thought of not choosing her make me feel sick? Why couldn't I stop thinking about watching her belly grow with our baby?

I was so fucked in the head. Sick. I was fucking sick.

"Thought I saw you sneak in here," a soft voice laughed, and my head snapped up. I expected Reagan, and disappointment flooded me when it was Lily instead.

Don't get me wrong, she was a gorgeous girl. Long legs, nice tits, pretty face. But she wasn't Rae.

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