Page 5 of Love Again

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I step out on the practice field and see the players already practicing. "Nice of you to join us." Ryan gives me a knowing look. "Sorry uh had a call." I lie.

"Uh huh, must have been a great call." He winks and I ignore his dig not revealing shit to the gossip king.

The pitchers stand apart from one another playing catch. I notice Jax giving no effort in his throws.Odd. He's one of the best we have. I move Ben to the side and place my hand in my glove. "Throw the ball Jax." He does as I say aiming for my dick. I move out of the way.He knows.He's pissed. He hates me. Great. "Jaxson... Throw it right." I say in a stern voice. "If I don't then what?" He challenges me. Well fuck kid. I didn't think that far. I figured he would not want to lose his starting position. I guess I will have to threaten to take that away. "You won't start. Throw the ball right Jax."

"Quit fucking my mom and maybe I will." I hear the boys holler from the side. Jax gives me a dirty look and throws the ball to the side. "Fuck this! I can't even play baseball because of you!" He shouts stomping off the field. Ryan shouts at the other players to continue their practice. He steps up beside me. His features stoic. I know he wants to say something. "Say it." I growl.

"They've had it rough man. Laramie is a great woman. If you guys are serious sit down and talk to those kids. Together. All of them including Chloe. They all deserve it." Ryan tells me. Patting my shoulder.

He's right. Though Ryan can be immature, this is probably the best piece of advice he has given me. The kids and Laramie have been through a lot. Each child, including mine.

So how can I make this easier for all of us. Do I step away from the first woman to make me feelanything, because a challenge has presented itself? Or do I work through this. For her, for me, for our kids. I know what we can be. I know she is easy to fall for, because I already have fallen. Chloe would love her. Look up to her. She would be a great mom role and I know I can be a great father role. If only they let me.

Chapter 13

Laramie

I'm playing trains with Jepp and Jade on the floor. We just had a very large train derailment. Jepp is laughing so hard. While Jade is mad, he ruined her pink train. She vows she is never playing such a boring boy game with him again. I laugh at her frustration. My little eight-year-old has become to grown for her own good. The front door flies open and in come Jax and Juliet. Jax gives me an angry expression and stomps up the steps to his room. I stand in a hurry to see what happened. Juliet gives me a sad look. My heart sinks for my kids. What is going on? "How could you?" She whispers. Tears pricking her eyes. I rush towards her. I try to wrap her in my arms, but she waves me off.What the hell."How could you sleep with him mom?" She sobs. My heart breaks in half. I feel like a strike of lightning has struck me, as tears run down her face. I stand there in shock while she runs upstairs. I can't move. I've just hurt my babies. The ones I am supposed to protect. My heart shatters as I blink back the tears. Knowing what I have to do. I find my phone on the kitchen counter. I unlock the screen and see Maverick tried calling. He texted as well.

-He's upset. Let's talk to them. All of them -

I smile as a tear falls down my cheek. He wants to work this out. I shake my head. Knowing I can't let this go any further. My kids will think I am trying to replace their dad, they will hate him.They will hate me.

-I am sorry Maverick. We can't do this anymore. -

I wipe my tears and put my phone on silent. Placing it in my back pocket.

I choose my kids always. Though a part of me wishes I could have both. My kids and the love of a man. I know it’s crazy, but that's what I feel when he looks at me. When he talks to me. Everything is effortless with us. Natural. Now gone.

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I broke down and called Brandi, she came flying in here like a bat out of hell. Jax did not come down for dinner. Juliet took him a plate and she refused to talk to me. Jade and Jepp ignored the tension between us. Maverick tried calling a couple times. I haven't read his messages, but I seen the beginning of one begging me not to do this. Does he not realize it is hurting me too? Sitting on the couch Brandi just holds me. I'd be lost without my best friend. She held me like this formonthsafter losing Alan. Now, here she is holding me after losing a man I don't even necessarily have. "You deserve to be happy." She whispers rubbing my arms. "I am" I lie with a small smile on my lips. She gives me a pointed look and let's go of me. Leaning forward she stares at me. Waiting for me to cave. She knows I'm not. She just wants to hear it. "I thought I was, then I met him and it's like things clicked for me Brandi,butI can't let my kids hate me. I refuse." I say biting back the tears threatening to come out. She shakes her head no. "Do you remember when Alan first tried to get with you?" She asks me. I think back to meeting him when we were younger and not thinking anything of him. Fast forward to high

school. Him and Mike thought they were hot shit of the high school. I guess they kind of were, both were ridiculously handsome with their blonde mullets and blue eyes. Brandi and Mike had a thing since freshman year, but never labeled it. Alan had been chasing me since elementary school. Always bringing me wildflowers, chocolate, and little toys from our small pharmacy shop. Then in high school he would sneak me Taco Bell for lunch until I gave in. I smile. Nodding my head, she continues. "He looked at you like you put the stars in the sky, I remember being so jealous. Until I realized Mike stared at me the same way" she giggles. "He looked at you like that until he passed. He loved you so much. He loved those kids so much." She chokes back a sob. We hold hands as we both try to compose ourselves. "He would want you to be happy Lar. You know that." Swiping a tear away I sniffle. Is she right? Possibly, but my kids. I love them so much. I am too afraid to disappoint them. My life revolves around them. It has from the moment I found it I was pregnant.

"Laramie." Brandi’s stern voice breaks my thoughts. Just then I hear a faint knocking sound. We both stand as I check the side window, I see Maverick there with flowers in hand. I freeze. "Open it!" Brandi whisper yells. Rolling my neck, I open the door. He's wearing a fitted sweater and nice blue jeans his hair mused like he's ran his fingers through it too many times. We stare at each other for a moment before Brandi clears her throat. "I'm gonna check on my nieces and nephews." She waves Maverick in then whispers in my ear. "Remember what I said." With a kiss on my cheek, she's gone.

Maverick steps into the foyer. I notice he has an odd collection of flowers in his hand. Some tulips and daffodils with some weeds maybe? I hide my smile with my hand thinking of Alan. "Here" he says. Holding the flowers out to me. "I was on my way, and I had an urge to pull over and pick them." I grab the flowers from him and can't hide my smile. My Alan.

My Alan sent this man to me. That has to be it.

Chapter 14

Maverick

This wasn't my plan, but she wasn't answering me. I couldn't let it fester anymore. I had to know why she can't try to make this work. I saw the flowers earlier today when leaving the school. Something told me to pick them. The only flowers that bloom in March around here. I may have grabbed some weeds in with them, but she still looks so happy. That's all I want. I just want to make herhappy.If she will let me. "Come sit." She says gesturing to the living area. We take a seat on opposite sides of the couch. I go to say something, but she does too. "You first." I tell her. She shakes her head. "You."

I clear my throat ready to give her the best speech of all speeches. When I hear Jax stomping down the stairs. "Seriously? Didn't I tell you to stop?!" His voice is loud. “I tell you to stop fucking my mom and you show up at my house- you dumbass!” Jax spits out those words like venom. I am honestly shocked he is yelling at us. I am sure his siblings have heard him. Laramie jumps up as do I. "Jaxson Michael Jones!" She scolds him. Standing between him and I, as if she thinks he or I will do something to one another. "You will not be disrespectful to Maverick or me!"

He shakes his head, giving me the look of disgust and turns towards the stairs. "Wait." I ask. Laramie looks at me as if I have lost my mind. Jax turns around giving me another death glare. I step closer beside Laramie, keeping distance from Jax.

"Jax. Come sit." I say nodding to the couch. He scoffs. Like I have this awful disease. "Please comesit." I say more firmly. Jax huffs and makes his way to the couch he rests his long arms on his legs.

Not looking at either of us. Laramie sits next to him and I to her. Alright. Here. Goes. Nothing.

I clear my throat not exactly sure how to start this. Initially I just wanted to speak with Laramie tonight. However. If I can kill two birds with one stone, I might at as well...

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