Page 82 of Billion-Dollar Attitudes

I shook my head. "She made it very clear that we were done. She didn't want to be on the carousel anymore. She didn't want to act like she was in love with me. She didn't want to be put in harm's way. So how could I argue with any of those things?"

"So, instead, you mope around, go on long bike rides, and disappear from life," Daniel replied.

I pointed at him. "Hey, at least I'm not floating in the Tijuana Estuary, drinking well whiskey from the bottle."

He chuckled. "It was a low point, I admit it. But you are tougher than I am. You brought me out of that."

I nodded. "Yes, but the difference is, there was no question on how Sicily felt for you."

Guy cleared his throat. "And there's no real question on how Amber feels for you. So let's be honest here."

I opened my mouth and shut it again.

Daniel handed me a glass of whiskey. "Look, Sicily might be mad that I'm telling you this, but she can see right through Amber's façade. The girl is mad about you. She's doing the same thing you are. She's moping around, hiding out, and when she's asked about you, her unconvincing answer is, 'I'm fine.' She misses you. We could all see how she cared about you when you proposed. We could see it in the way you were together. Sicily knew it a mile away, and she's been Amber's best friend her whole life."

"So why did she break things off?"

"Because it was very complicated," Guy replied. "At the time, she was lying to everyone, including herself, and she had just been attacked by a psychopath. So maybe Amber didn't really want to end it. She just wanted it to be less complicated. And the only way she knew to uncomplicate it was to break up with you. But once it was done, she clammed up like you do."

I pursed my lips, wanting so badly to believe that was right, but fear was in my way. "But what if you are completely wrong?"

Guy shrugged. "Then you get the final piece of that broken heart smashed, have a finality to it, and heal from it. That's how it works. I know you've been closed off for many years, but what you're doing now is just torturing yourself. You owe it to your happiness to find out if we're right or not."

"Otherwise, you'll live in this limbo until either something happens to force you to have finality, or you grow old, and one of us throws you off a cliff," Daniel said with a smirk.

"Hell, he might not even have to grow old if he doesn't knock off this emotional shit he has going on," Guy grumbled. "I'll take you out there right now."

Daniel reached over and squeezed my arm. "Look, the point is, you have to move on one way or another. And I don't think you'll allow yourself to completely close off again. You have felt actual life for the first time since you were a teen. And your body doesn't want to go back. So, you take a chance because chances make you who you are. Heartbreak, love, loss, they all build your character."

"And we like the happy smiling Ryder more than the asshole or the emotional wreck," Guy added with a smile. "We just want you to be happy."

Maybe they were right. No. Not maybe. I knew they were right. I needed to tell Amber how I felt. I had wasted so much time. And from my experience, I had a very clear understanding that time was never on our side. That the next day was never promised.

But how did I tell her that would force her to open up to me the same way. She was just as stubborn as me. Amber was just as angry and bitter as I was. I knew that just showing up and telling her would only make her defensive walls come shooting up. I needed a way to talk with Amber in a place and time that would allow her to really hear me. To know I wanted to be with her, to have her in my life.

I thought about the place I was in after my high school girlfriend died, sitting silently for days, not feeling, not letting anyone in. My friends tried and tried, but I pushed them away. The one person I knew I could trust to cut through the wall for me was my mother. Only then was I able to truly listen to what everyone else had to say.

It allowed me to notice that everyone cared about me. It didn't destroy the walls, but it prevented me from giving up. Who was that person for Amber and me?

Chapter Twenty-Three

Amber

"This dress is so perfect for this occasion," the shop owner said, pinning my dress for the retirement party.

I looked at the red dress in the mirror, how it both hugged my curves and came off as elegant and impressive. I was starting to think the woman who owned the shop was my fairy godmother. Finally, she finished the fitting, and I changed my clothes, giving her back the dress to be tailored.

"I wanted to thank you for refunding the cost of the wedding dress," I said. "You didn't need to do it."

She looked at me strangely for a second. "Well, I couldn't have you both pay for it."

"Us both?"

She nodded. "When the dress was done being steamed, I couldn't get ahold of you. So I called the other number and got your…Ryder. He came down and asked to pay for the dress and have the money refunded for you."

I shook my head. "Oh. Um,…was this after I was attacked?"

She nodded. "About a week after."

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