Page 175 of Billion-Dollar Attitudes

He winked. "Wild animals couldn't keep me away. Have an excellent day. I'll give you a ring later on."

Rushing inside, I checked to make sure all the doors were locked before dashing into my bedroom and stripping off my clothes. I closely inspected my figure in the mirror, yet nothing had changed. Although I'd put on some additional weight over the past month — something that was expected since I had lost so much during my stay at rehab — my curves still didn't appear any different from before. Yet, as I ran my fingers over my nipples, the sensation caused a sharp wince. Of course, it was entirely possible that our frequent and passionate sex was to blame for this discomfort, wasn't it? I dressed quickly and rummaged through the bathroom drawer for the small calendar I used to track my periods. Sure enough, I was three weeks late.

"I can't believe this!"

My heart fluttered as I tried to will myself not to panic. It was probably just the stress from everything that had happened over the last few months. Things would be okay, I told myself, and slowly my breathing returned to normal — but there was no way I could tell Chase about this. Not yet! He already had enough on his plate with the grant and the criminal case, and if he knew I might be pregnant, it would only add to his anxiety. Besides, I had to be sure. Maybe my implant was giving off too much of the hormone — or something like that.

Massaging my temples, I paced around the room. I needed to know for sure, but how? I wasn't about to knock on Ariel's door to ask for a ride to the drugstore. Or interrupt Amy's day with some made-up story about why I had to get to CVS ASAP. So, I was left with only one conclusion. Watch for the light in Ariel's study to come on and sneak away in my Mustang.

Taking my keys, I tucked them away in my pocket and strolled down the sidewalk, feigning that I was taking a walk. When I reached the opposite end of the mansion, I was immediately drawn to Ariel's desk lamp that was lit within her window — a sure sign she had fully immersed herself in writing. Meanwhile, Jonathan had to be napping. With Martha not expected to show up until tomorrow, this was the perfect opportunity for me to drive to town unnoticed.

I drove slowly and cautiously out of the carport, mindful to keep my engine as quiet as possible. The security guard at the gate did a double take when I cheerfully waved and drove off down the street. Careful to put enough distance between myself and the mansion that I wouldn't be heard, I peeled out and headed for town.

It was crazy how life could change in the blink of an eye. One moment I was working with Chase to finish the grant, and the next, I was making my way to the pharmacy, not knowing what the future held. But for now, I had to focus on the task at hand – getting to the store and back before Ariel noticed my car was gone, Chase called, or security called Ariel to tell her I was driving.... would they do that? Did they know I wasn't supposed to drive?

I shifted up a gear and stepped on the gas pedal, knowing that if I didn't return to Casa Palacious soon, I would be bombarded with questions I didn't want to answer.

As I pulled into the CVS parking lot, I could feel my chest constricting, making breathing harder. "No, not now!" I scolded myself. "Your anxiety meds are back at the guest house." I knew I didn't have time to worry about it and needed to focus on getting everything I needed and making a speedy return.

Blowing a lock of hair out of my face, I ventured into the store to make my purchase. As I handed the cashier three pregnancy tests and a pack of chewing gum with trembling hands, the cashier's eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Are you alright? You look pale. Do you need me to call 911?"

I shook my head and gave her a feeble smile. "No, I'm okay. Thank you."

The cashier gave me an understanding nod as she handed over the bag filled with my items. I stepped outside, unwrapping a piece of gum to help ease my discomfort from the panic attack that was bubbling up in my chest. Frantically chomping away at the gum, desperate for relief from my dry mouth, I felt tears begin to well up in the corners of my eyes.

Speeding out of town, I inadvertently ran a red light. My gaze quickly shifted to the rearview mirror, nervously searching for a police cruiser that surely had me in its sights and was ready to pull me over. But instead, the trees on the roadside flew past in a haze as I drove up the final hill before arriving at the estate. Pulling up at the gate, I lowered my window and waved the guard over to the car. He leveled his gaze at me when I asked, "Did you call the house and tell on me?"

"Ma'am, what do you mean?"

"Never mind. Have a great day," I told him, easing my way down the driveway, relieved no one was standing outside tapping their foot when I arrived like I was some silly teen driving their car without permission.

Scrupulous in my attempt to park the car exactly how I found it, I went inside and headed for the bathroom. After releasing myself from my yoga pants, I attempted to urinate but was unsuccessful. Tears poured out as a wave of anxiety hit me hard; cramps started forming in my stomach again as fear filled every inch of my body.

I started cursing my luck, my body, and myself. I needed help. I needed to call Joyce. She was sure to have a solution, but I had to obtain the test result first. So, to pass the time, I grabbed a bottle of water and gazed into the meadow, pondering Cookie's tranquility as she roamed freely in the pasture. As I watched her graze, a feeling of peace embraced me. My calm took hold just in time as my phone rang. "Oh, shit. It's Chase."

My guardian angel looked over me as I lied my ass off, telling Chase when he asked how my day was going, "Oh, I'm just relaxing here. Reading a book. Watching Cookie out the window." It was half true, anyway!

Then, when he told me there was a security breach at the office and he wouldn't be home until late, he suggested, "Why don't you just stay there tonight? I have to go. I'll call back later...." I didn't know whether to be sad or relieved. So, I settled on relieved. There was no way I would try and explain what I was going through right now. There was nothing he could do about it anyway. I had to work this out on my own.

Wandering back to the bathroom, I had better luck this time. But as I read the instructions, I realized the test wouldn't work this late in the day. I needed to do it first thing in the morning. So, I relaxed a bit. I must have a guarding angel since I didn't have to face Chase until tomorrow evening at the earliest.

Relieved, I sighed and smiled for the first time since this morning. Maybe things weren't so bad after all. I had to face my fears head-on, and everything would work out. When I glanced at my watch, I noticed it was time for my mid-morning pills. Yet, when I popped them into my mouth, I gasped. "The Keppra can cause problems with the baby," the doctor had told me.

"Oh shit," I moaned. Then, gagging, I spit the pills into the sink.

Suddenly, the total weight of my situation was thrust upon me. I wanted a baby, I knew that for sure, and the thought of being unable to give birth was depressing. The doctor had mentioned using a surrogate or adopting. Still, I hadn't given it much thought because I wasn't in a position to raise a child. Chase and I were growing in our relationship, but he wasn't expecting me to get pregnant. He clarified that thought when he asked if I was using birth control. Since then, we had definitely passed the dating milestone, but we hadn't discussed our future together other than just living day by day, getting through what life was throwing at us — and that wasn't easy.

"God help me! I don't even know if I'm pregnant. Maybe, it's just a mistake, and my cycle will return to normal in a day or two." Shaking my head, I was disgusted. I needed help from my therapist again.

I called Joyce, and she answered on the first ring. We talked only for a few minutes before she agreed to come over, albeit it would be a while since she was driving several miles to get here. I kept an eye out for her arrival, my stomach turning with every minute that passed. I opened the door and hugged her tightly when I heard her knocking. Joyce smiled and said softly, "Calm down now. Everything will be alright." I felt relief pouring over me, and as I let her into my home, I knew that with her help, I could get through this.

Tears poured out of me as anxiety hit me hard when I explained how I couldn't take the at-home pregnancy test until morning and how I had spit out my pills. "How is it even possible if I had an implant in my arm?"

She held my hands and said, "It's alright. You're not alone. I am here for you, Meagan. You know that!"

With her help, I calmed down enough until I could think straight. "I can't tell Chase. I just don't know what to do. I want the baby. I want a child! And I don't want to take the medication any longer. But I don't know how I will handle it if I'm not pregnant now that it's a possibility!”

"Well," Joyce said in a gentle voice. "Let's start with the obvious. We need to know if you're pregnant or not. There are other ways to find out, you know. We can talk about those options later, but for now, let's just focus on getting the help you need."

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