Page 109 of It Should Have Been You

The door closes and I finally turn, knowing what I say next could send him running miles in the opposite direction.

I can almost feel my baggage weighing me down.

“Beth—” he says as I speak, “About last night—”

It’s enough to ease the tension, if only briefly.

I chew my lip so hard I’m sure I’ve made it bleed. “I’m sorry about last night. You must think I’m crazy.”

No more words come out. He doesn’t give me a chance because his hands come up, grab my shoulders, and pull me into an embrace so tight I think he can gather all the broken pieces and mold them back into one.

A stuttered breath escapes me when he releases his grip a fraction.

I don’t want him to.

“Fuck, I hope this is okay.”

My answer is wrapping my arms around his waist. His muscles tense under my touch.

It reminds me of being on his bike all those years ago.

His lips press a reassuring kiss to the top of my head and with it, I release a fractured breath. My shoulders fall, the muscles still tender from how tense I’ve been.

“I’m sorry,” I try to say against his chest, but he only squeezes a little tighter.

He doesn’t want my apologies.

After a long minute, but not long enough, he pulls away before pressing his thumb to my cheek as if wiping away a tear that isn’t there.

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me. Never. All I need to know is that you’re okay.”

Shit, now I think I’m going to cry.

Who knew this giant of a man was just all mush on the inside?

“I am. I promise.”

He finally grants me the sight of one of those full smiles, the ones that always seem to make my heart beat a little faster.

“The girls are staying with Kim tonight, right?”

My mouth goes dry. “Yes. I need to pick them up, get their things ready, and drop them off. She’ll bring them back in the morning.” Why I felt the need to tell him all that, I’ll never know.

He makes me nervous. The type of nervous that has my heart pounding behind my ears and south of my pelvis.

“Okay.” Okay? “I need to go into the city today. I have a client.”

Disappointment washes over me like freezing water.

I wanted a chance to sit on the porch again, have a beer and talk. I wanted the chance to show him I’m not always like I was last night.

But that wouldn’t be the whole truth. I would be lying to both of us if I said it was.

I can’t help how my body reacts in certain situations. I accepted that a long time ago. If he can’t handle that, so be it. It is what it is.

Even if I hate what it is.

Does he want what I want, or he is he leaving to avoid that exact situation?

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