Page 47 of Pretend With Me

“Ready, ladies?” our driver asked, glancing over his shoulder at us as he shut his door and buckled up.

“Ready to roll! Thanks, Joe,” Maxine answered. She was practically vibrating with excitement next to me. “I did not, in fact, hire a driver.”

“How did you end up with this car, then?”

She shrugged, adjusting her dress so it laid smoothly under her.

“A guy I went on a date with a while back owed me a favor, so — voilà.”

“Do I even want to know why this guy owed you a favor?”

“You do not.” She exchanged a conspiratorial wink with Joe that made me nervous. I did not want to roll up to this thing in a stolen vehicle or something. Sissy’s head would explode. “I can’t show up at this fundraiser in an Uber if I want to get a sugar daddy. Gotta project the right image, you know?”

“I do not,” I responded flatly, fighting a smile at her antics. “I feel like you’re envisioning a red-carpet situation, and I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

She waved a hand down her body, from the top of her perfectly styled hair to her waist.

“Picture all this stepping out of a sleek, black town car, the door being held open by our classy, debonair driver. Do you have the mental image?” I nodded, playing along with her crazy. “Okay, now picture all this getting out of a Honda Civic. It’s not the same, is it?”

“No. No, it’s not,” I agreed reluctantly. “Thank you for arranging this, Max. I have to admit, I do like the idea of showing up with a driver. The only downside is that Sissy is definitely going to approve of this ride. I was kind of looking forward to watching her head spin.”

“Meh, we’ll find some other way to make her go full demon.” Both of Max’s hands came up to the sides of her breasts, pushing them together and up. “I’ll think of something. You know I do all my best thinking after a couple glasses of champagne.”

I had been too distracted by the car situation to really take in Maxine’s appearance, but her impromptu, manual breast lift finally drew my attention to her dress. The satiny black material clung to her curves in a way that bordered on indecent, and I did not remember this dress being so tight when she tried it on. Knowing Max, she’d had it taken in to be more form-fitting. There was no way she had gained that much weight since she’d tried it on. It wasn’t humanly possible. The tightness of the dress helped push up her cleavage — a cleavage that seemed to have drastically and mysteriously grown in size overnight. While I wasn’t dumb enough to ask her about a potential weight gain, I had no qualms about bringing up her sudden change in bra size.

“Uh, why do your boobs look twice as big as normal?”

She reached inside the top of her dress and whipped out a chicken cutlet looking silicone insert, flapping it in my direction. “These things are truly a girl’s best friend. Look how great my boobs look in this dress with a little help from my besties. They’re going to catch mama a sugar daddy tonight for sure.”

“Max,” I started, trying to find the right words to express that, as much as I would love to irritate Sissy, I needed her to be on her best behavior tonight. We weren’t kids anymore, and I didn’t want to be drawn into any drama with my sister. “I respect your desire to land a sugar daddy. Frankly, after this past week at work, I’d be more than happy to help you find one. But —”

“Sorry, babe — no butts, no cuts, no coconuts,” Max interrupted with that nonsensical statement. “I’m on the prowl tonight and I cannot be corralled.”

I groaned, covering my face with my hands — but carefully, to avoid ruining my makeup.

“Maxxxxxxxx, you have to behave tonight. Just...try to keep your cutlets in your bra, okay?”

“Relax, Sutton, I’ll be on my best behavior tonight. Scout’s honor.” She nudged my shoulder with hers. “I gotta keep it classy to attract someone in this crowd. I’m going for mysterious with a slutty edge.”

I took another look at the deep slit of her dress, revealing much more than a hint of leg. “You’ve nailed the slutty edge part, that’s for sure.”

“Thank you,” she responded, shoving the cutlet back into the dress and rearranging her chest for maximum cleavage. “I had Cassie take the dress in half a size and add an extra inch to the slit. I owe her margaritas for the next twenty years for getting the job done on short notice, which I’ll be paying for with my father’s ‘emergencies only’ credit card.”

“I’m sure he’d be thrilled to finance your slutty edge,” I replied, voice oozing with sarcasm.

“You’ll be singing a different tune after you spend a week cruising around the Mediterranean on my private yacht.”

“Have you ever heard the term ‘delusions of grandeur’?”

“Have you ever heard the term ‘you ha —’”

“Here we are, ladies,” Joe announced, cutting of the rest of Maxine’s sentence. “It looks like there’s a bit of a line for drop-off, so just hang tight for another minute. I’ll hop out and open the door for you when we get to the front of the line.”

“Thanks, Joe, you’re the best.” Max leaned forward to pat his shoulder.

He winked at Max in the rearview mirror. “Just doing my part. I know how much you want to make a big entrance tonight.”

Are you there, God? It’s me, Sutton. I let my pride talk me into bringing Maxine to this thing so I wouldn’t look like a total loser showing up alone. If You could just forget about the “goeth before a fall” part, I would be eternally grateful. I will also go to Easter sunrise service with Mama this year, no matter how hot and humid it is. Thank You for Your consideration.

---