Page 10 of Step By Step

Since then, both Josie and I truly have shut down. I threw myself into taking care of her and finishing school. Sometimes I wonder if I would have found my place in this world if they were here. It forced me to figure it out. I am sad that we stopped laughing together, we stopped living our life, and most that we stopped letting people in.

Being touched by Jenna tonight, just holding her hand, brought me back to life.

“Here I am,” Jenna’s voice calls, startling me from my thoughts.

Turning, I spot her heading my way, her dark hair spilling down her shoulders. The nighttime moon shimmers off the dark curls. I wonder how they would look wet from a shower or tangled around my fingers. Spread out on my pillows as I lay her out beneath me.

“Here I am too,” I answer, climbing to my feet to go meet her.

Because I came with the radio crew, we decide she will drive to the park. I am so excited to have more time with her. To be honest, I am even a little excited to be going to the park. Who goes out to a park late at night to have a good time anymore?

On the way there, we can’t seem to find anything to talk about. There is a tension in the small space between us. Music plays, but it’s not a radio station or even a band or singer I know. It is just music. Pulling into the gravel parking lot, I am hit with what we’re listening to.

“Jenna. This isyourmusic, isn’t it? Your piece, you wrote thisandplayed it?”

Turning towards her, I am taken with how beautiful she is in the darkness. Just the soft park lights and the bright moonlight light her up. Behind her, dozens of firefly’s glow in the distance, making her look ethereal. I reach out, brushing my fingers through her soft curls to push it from her face.

My fingers brush her cheek, and she turns into it. It seems the more I touch her, the more she craves it. The more I crave it, too. With my other hand, I reach out, turning up the piano melody, then taking her other hand. I bring it to my lips, passing each finger across my mouth.

“Yeah. It’s a piece I have been working on. I keep listening because I just know it is missing something. I just cannot figure what.”

Sitting there, facing one another, we both close our eyes. The piece is beautiful, full of depth and movement. I can see her sitting at a piano, her lithe fingers flying across the keys with ease. I imagine being there beside her, getting to see this sort of magic up close.

“It needs some strings,” I suggest, imagining her doing that too, adding the soft hum of her bow dancing over the wires.

“Oh! That’s it,” she lights up, clapping her hands. Sitting there, she closes her eyes, her hands lifting as if playing a violin.

“Jenna,” I whisper, reaching out to catch one of her hands, bringing it to my face. “Could I watch you play sometime? This is so beautiful...you are so beautiful, watching you play would be...”

Unable to put it into words, I keep my hand over hers, eyes closing tight. I want the moment to go on forever. I also want to drag her into my lap and slide my mouth over hers. I want to push my hands beneath her bright neon Tape Deck top and feel how soft she is filling my hands.

“Yes,” she replies, the single word half moan-half whisper.

We sit there together, her hand at my face, our fingers woven together, neither of us bothering with words. What we could say at this moment? I think back to earlier, talking with Terrie. God, was that just this morning? Talking about taking a chance on something.

Sitting here with her, I think this is the big chance I need to take.

As we get to the park a little later, I am thankful it is deserted. It is usually full of crowds with loud kids enjoying the swings, the slides, and the jungle gym. Jenna lightens, pulling me towards the swings. I laugh, watching her climb in one, her head hanging back as I move behind her.

“Push me, please?”

“You got it.”

Gently I push her, my hands grasping her wide waist each time she swings back. I stop her once or twice, holding her against me. I am so starved for touch, now that I have felt it again, I cannot get enough. Jenna lets me, giving me a little giggle each time I hold her against me longer.

Her laugh becomes louder as I push her higher, letting go reluctantly. As she swings back, I move around to take the swing beside her. At first, I just watch her push off, her little laughs each time her feet skim the pebbles beneath the swings, making my heart swell. Seeing her joy, I join in, pushing off to swing alongside her.

It takes a few moments for it to not feel strange. Before long, I forget why it is strange for two adults to be swinging in the darkness. It feels so right, just being there to have a good time. No worries, no pressures, no putting on a show as a DJ or pretending I know what I am doing with Josie.

“We should play a little longer than we do,” she breathes, her words nearly lost as we swing back and forth. “Why do we just stop, you know? I write songs about magic and mystery, but I never talk about this. This feeling you get when you just let yourself laugh, let yourself play.”

“It could be an entire record, this feeling,” I agree, meaning much more than the fun of behaving like a careless kid.

Slowing down, we push one another side to side. This is it. A perfect moment to take a chance. I catch hold of her swing when I get the courage, stilling her. I pull her until we are almost side by side.

Searching her face, I take a deep breath and go for it. I bend my head, eyes falling closed as that potent scent of hers fills my lungs. To my shock, she meets me halfway, her hand coming to the nape of my neck. Our mouths meet and I sigh at how sweet she truly is. Candy sweet, her hot tongue coming out to tangle with mine.

We break apart, breathing heavily. With a soft laugh, she pulls me from the swing, dragging me towards a merry-go-round. We lie back on it side by side as I kick at the earth beneath us, getting us spinning. Turning towards her, I am not prepared for her to pull me closer, her mouth finding mine again.

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