Page 2 of Step By Step

With that sage advice, she heads back to her office. I spin back to take some calls, laughing with listeners as her words spin in my head. I thought I was taking a chance with this career. I thought I was taking risks, being brave with the music I play and the performers I talk about.

“Am I playing it too safe?” I ask myself under my breath.

Before I can come up with a solid answer, it is time to make my big announcement. I am nervous as I play some of the bands’ music. I mixed with some sounds from recent shows. It sounds like they are playing live to an ecstatic audience.

“Here it is, folks,” I pause for a moment, turning the playback down to build some intensity. Smiling, I turn it all the way down as I make the announcement, my pulse pumping anxiously. “Our special guest at our first back to school blast at Pine Grove Galleria is... Boys Next Door!”

For a moment, I pretend I can hear the roar of the crowd as they step out onto the stage. At least, I hope they will get that sort of welcome. Being a mix between the New Kids and New Edition, I think they will be something special. When I saw them perform at a club in Baton Rouge, I knew they would be perfect for this mall concert.

“That’s right, Boys Next Door, who’s first single is shooting up the charts. Be sure to be there and listen today for some more wicked cool news about this once in a lifetime show!”

Cueing up the band’s new single, I nod my head to the beat. I might seem cool and collected as I listen. At the moment, I am anything but. It is out there, our listeners know, the plans are set. This is my first project alone. If it bombs, I am totally screwed.

While I finish my schedule, all I can think of is everything that is on the line. I thought I was taking a big chance with this show. I did not dream too big; I chose a band just getting started. I could have worked with Terrie to get a bigger name or even multiple bands to play this show.

Instead, I handled this alone and now I am regretting it.

“Who died now?” Josie greets me with her usual snark.

Glancing up when I hear her slam the front door, I sigh. Josie is a lovely girl, with mom’s thick waves and dad’s kind eyes. Today those eyes are lined with thick black eyeliner, she has deep burgundy lips, and a thin choker at her neck. Mom would have grounded her for a week for all that makeup.

After we lost them, Josie got a little dark. I wouldn’t call her gothic or grungy just yet. There is just a dark edge to her now. Death is forefront on her mind a lot. In the poems she fills notebooks with, in the dark drawings she hangs on her black painted walls, and in this new darker look of hers.

“Stop saying that sort of shit,” I sigh as I pause the video game I am playing.

I ought to be studying. I stayed in school through the summer to finish sooner. I have finals coming up when most classes will just be starting. I wanted to get this degree so they would take seriously me at the station. I also felt I needed it to be sure I could take care of both of us.

“I didn’t mean it,” Josie softens as she comes to sink into the couch beside me. As soon as she sits down, we both let out a sad sigh. We miss our parents most when the things we used to do with them come around. School is starting soon for her, she will be a senior and next year plans to go to the same community college I am finishing my degree at.

I wish I could send her to a great art school. Some place where her creativity could be explored. A place that could give her a real shot at doing something with her talent. While I make enough to keep the house we grew up in, keep the lights on, and keep us fed, it’s just not enough for more.

“I know you didn’t,” I sigh, tossing an arm around her in a quick hug. Josie pulls back first, something that is also new. Before we lost them, Josie was very affectionate with all of us and would climb in dad’s lap to watch a movie or lay with me on the floor to play video games.

Now she hates being affectionate. Sometimes, I think she hates me. She wishes they were here instead of me. I do not blame her. Sometimes I wish for the same. I want to take good care of her, but I don’t know what a seventeen-year-old girl needs.

“Your show will go great,” she says softly, looking away from me. Another thing she is not good at is giving positive reinforcement.

Smiling at her, I pull her against me in another hug, laughing when she makes a playful gagging sound. I don’t doubt she loves me. I wonder sometimes if she cares about what I do for a living. I want to make her proud, but I am not sure how to do that.

“How about we go rent a movie at Blockbuster? We can get some takeout from Grubby’s Grill?”

“You serious? Can we get something scary?”

Grinning at her as she lights up, I nod. “Totally serious, dude. Let’s make a fun night of it. My show will do well, or it won’t. It’s out there in the world now, so all we can do is wait. While we wait, we can watch some scary shit and eat bad burgers and good fries.”

Laughing for the first time in a long time, she nods. Together we walk the few blocks downtown, stopping at Blockbuster first. We get more than a movie there. We pick up popcorn, junk food, and sodas. At Grubby’s, we talk about her coming classes, the part-time job she just took at the mall, and even a little about a boy she met at the mall.

As we head home, I hear the New Kids song I started my show with earlier. Step by Step. And I remember what Terrie mentioned about taking a chance on something. Listening to my sister sing along under her breath, I smile to myself.

Maybe my show will be a mess, but maybe it won’t. I might not have made my sister proud yet, but I am trying. And she might be sad now, a little darker because of all we lost. But we’re here and we’re getting through it.

And we’re doing it all one step at a time, step by step.

Chapter Two

Jenna

Music is my favorite thing on this planet, dude.

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