Page 147 of Only For Him

She keeps talking, not even pausing to take a breath. Regrets pile up on one another as tears brim in her eyes.

I regret telling her I was a waitress, but what else was I supposed to say? I had to tell her something to avoid this situation. Except I didn’t avoid it in the end. I’m still sitting here in the coffee shop while my mom’s cheeks redden and her voice rises a little more with every sentence.

I just need to get this out. I need her to know so we can move on from here. All the rest—the waitressing job, even being out of contact for so long that it kept her up at night—is already done. She won’t ever get an explanation if she won’t let me say the words. I spent hours wishing I could tell her everything.

That’s what love makes people do, I think. It makes them worry and say far too much and forget that a conversation is supposed to be a two-way street.

“Mama!” I slap my hand down on the table. One of the coffee shop waiters stops mid-step on his way to us and turns around. He was probably going to ask us if we wanted to order anything to eat, but that would be a waste of time, because neither of us has taken a single sip of our cocoa and I imagine, like me, there isn’t an appetite in sight.

Her eyes drop from my face to the ring on my finger. The diamond glitters in the café light. The wedding band sits snug against the engagement ring. Both pieces in the set have been polished until they shine, and she can’t miss them. I silently tell myself off for choosing my left hand to hit the table with, but…now it’s done.

“Braelynn.” She swallows hard. “Is that a—”

I keep my voice low and try to keep my hand from trembling. “He asked me to marry him, and I said yes.” Tears come to my eyes. They’re hot and stinging, and my mom hasn’t had a chance to say a word, but I already know she won’t approve of me being with Declan. I don’t know why emotion feels thick and heavy in my chest, like it kills me that she doesn’t love him already. I need her to. I need her to love him too. “I love him, Mama, and he loves me.”

I swipe a napkin from the holder on the table with my right hand and dab at my eyes.What is wrong with me?My mom might not ever approve. That’s something I thought I’d come to terms with.

It’s not like I can change this. “I can’t change who I love Mama,” I murmur to her, attempting to hold myself together but her wide eyes only stare back with uncertainty before landing on the ring again. My mind whirls with all the things I wish I could tell her and I find myself breathing heavier and heavier.

My mom stares at the ring, a frown marring her face. It’s only then that I notice the dark circles under her eyes and the way her grays show more than ever. I can’t tell what she’s thinking at all.

“That…” Her hand inches toward mine, but she doesn’t actually touch me. “That ring is expensive, neña.”

I can see the puzzle pieces slipping into place in her mind as the seconds tick by. I dare to whisper, “He could afford it just fine.”

Her eyes come back to mine, and now I see her hope and her fear. That’s a tough combination. “Who is this man?”

I steel myself. This is the part that worried me more than anything. Getting married without her knowing about it was one thing. Marrying the man I chose… “Declan Cross.”

“No,” she whispers, and her hand flutters at her throat. My mom glances around the coffee shop as if she’s hoping no one else heard. Like it doesn’t have to be true if no one else knows.

“Yes,” I tell her and my heart breaks into a million pieces. “I love him and he loves me.”

Her eyes finally land on mine, and now we’re both teary-eyed. “Not my baby girl.” Her voice wavers and it utterly destroys me.

“I knew you wouldn’t approve,” I swallow thickly, barely able to keep it together. I glance past my mother and see the men watching. They all know. I hate this. I hate all of this.

“Tell me it isn’t true, Braelynn,” my mother says, her accent slightly thicker with her growing emotions.

I sit up straight and wipe at my eyes again. The tears just keep coming no matter what I do, so I don’t have a choice but to wipe them away. At least my voice is steady when I speak. “He loves me.”

“He’s dangerous.” My mother whispersdangerouslike she’s worried she might be overheard by Declan himself. She doesn’t realize that his people are all around us in this café. Even if they weren’t, I sleep in his bed every night. I know how dangerous he and his brothers are. I’ve known for a long time.

“They’re all dangerous, Mama. Every man I’ve ever loved.” My blood runs cold knowing this is exactly what I expected. Knowing I couldn’t change this with all the money and power in the world. Some men are always feared, and who would want their daughter to be with a man like him? If she knew our entire story, she’d take me away from him in a heartbeat. That’s what hurts the most. I know she has good reason to want to keep me from him. I know how bad it can get. And yet, I still love him.

My mom shakes her head, her lips quivering. I don’t want her to sob at the table. I don’t want her fears to be so overwhelming that she won’t see me. She can’t think so little of me, can she? She can’t think I’d throw my life away on someone I didn’t love.

“I love him. Please. Please, Mama.” I reach out and take her hand, clasping it tight on top of the table. “Please just give him a chance.”

“You have no idea what you’re getting into with those men, mi neña.”

“Unfortunately, I do.” I lift another napkin to wipe at my eyes. I’ve gone through three of them already, and the tears are starting to slow, thank God. Because there’s more to tell her. I have to be honest with my mother if I’m going to have her in my life. “It wasn’t just a proposal. We’re married already because of…” Now I’m the one glancing around the coffee shop to be sure we’re not overheard. Of course, there’s always a chance. “Because of some of those things.”

My heart races as she holds my hand tighter and her face crumples with worry.

“I’m okay, and I love him, but this”—I lift my hand so the ring shines in the light— “this couldn’t wait.”

With my limited confession, she’s beside herself, really. As if she’s blaming herself for missing all the signs with me. As if there’s some solution to the fact that I’m married to Declan, and she’s just not seeing it. She looks like she’s running out of time, and that makes my heart clench, because I know that feeling very well.

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