Page 80 of Insatiable

I wash in the sink again, but it’s not enough. I feel dirty.

Showering does nothing to warm the chill in my spine. Neither does wrapping myself in a blanket and watching the sun move across the sky.

A few hours later, I hear sirens. Are the police on their way to arrest Kade?

My lip trembles again, and I get annoyed with myself for being so weak. I handed that boy my heart when I was a teen, and even now, years later, he still holds it. But this time, he’s crushing it with vengeance, for things out of my control.

I wasn’t lying when I said that what happened wasn’t my fault. I had no idea what I was doing or what goddamn reality I was in. All I knew was that I’d never felt that level of panic before. I’d just wanted my boyfriend and only found out the following morning that I wasn’t in my boyfriend’s bed.

I’ve no idea what happened to him since we split up, but I’m not sure the Kade I fell for still exists.

I curl into the bed and attempt to relax my thoughts. It takes me nearly four hours to feel less on the verge of a breakdown. When I do, I pull my phone out of my leather backpack and turn it on.

My notifications go wild. Most are from an unknown number – Chris on a burner.

In one text he describes in alarming detail what he’s going to do to me when I get home, but instead of feeling fear, I swipe and delete the chain then block the number.

Kyle tells me to have a safe flight.

Lu informs me she is never surviving this trip with Base. They went out last night for drinks with her mum and Ewan. Base had a threesome in the room beside hers then asked if she wanted to join in.

I’m tagged in a few videos and pictures from the studio. My girls are practising for the competition coming up soon. A few others are pole and hoop stunts, stretches and dance moves.

Once I respond to some of my students, my phone beeps with illegible messages from Kade.

Kade:StcyAwke?

Kade:Goooodnghjtfreecks.

20

KADE

“How many do you think are inside?”

Barry sits beside me in the car, which is parked across from the building Stacey and I left two hours ago. Three SUVs are parked up too, keeping an eye on the surroundings as I strap the ammo belt around my waist and fill each compartment with magazines and daggers.

I look over and tilt my head from side to side as I contemplate my answer. “Maybe fifty.”

“Easy then,” he says in his Geordie accent.

I huff a laugh at his sarcasm. “They’re all armed, so probably not.”

“Are you sure they know her name?”

“Do you not listen?” I snap, scowling at him. “I’ve gone over the exact conversation five times.”

“I just find it a little dramatic to be doing this over a name.”

“You’ve been working for me for over a year and you thinkthisis dramatic?”

He grimaces. “There was that time you tried to burn someone’s house down. For the same girl, may I add. Is this not a step too far?”

I stop loading my belt and pinch the bridge of my nose. “If they tell Bernadette her name, she’ll track Stacey and then probably manage to dig up our past. I don’t want to imagine the shit she’d do to her to make me more compliant.”

Barry knows everything. I had to tell him, or he would’ve thought I was just stalking some innocent girl. He sends reports to me when I haven’t the time to watch her. He thinks, as a twenty-one-year-old, I should find another obsession that doesn’t drive me to murder.

Am I extreme? Yes. But for my own fucking sanity, I need to know what she’s doing. Is that weird? To hate her yet need to know what she’s doing? Even though she’s a snake?

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