Page 23 of Before the Summer He Found Her

“What did he do?” I press, leaning forward.

She pauses, tapping a finger to her bottom lip as if to consider the answer. “He simultaneously made me realize I could love myself while also showing me how to love someone else.”

“Huh. All in nine visits?”

“I mean, I shared a lot with him.”

A brief flash rushes through my head—intuitively catching the briefest of glimpses of my “ghostly” self kissing Past Channah on the lips.

What… no… no…

My gut pounds with desire, an insane amount of want nestling in my groin.

Shit.

“The two of you shared physical intimacy?” I choke out, unable to stop myself.

She raises a teasing brow. “You know this conversation isn’t the most kosher between an employee and her boss.”

A pit forms in my stomach. Joke or not, she’s utterly correct. Then again, meeting her here tonight wasn’t entirely kosher either. And visiting her in the past is the most unkosher thing of all, even if it started as an accident. Visiting her in the past nine more times, as it were.

Andkissingher.

Fuck. I know what Sasha will say—there’snothingI can do about this.

And even if there were something, I’m already in too deep.

“Relax, Ezra,” Channah says. “I’m joking. Wow, how did we get so serious? That so isn’t like us on a normal night.”

I force myself to grin, to let go of the tension from things she’s not privy to.

To let go of the intense desire crushing my entire body.

“No, it’s not like us,” I agree, relaxing in the chair. “Why don’t we fix that?”

And so, as I internally panic over what she’s told me regardingTom, I force myself to smile on the outside. To resume our normal banter. To make jokes and let go of this anxiety, pretending the sexual desire isn’t there.

And we fall back into our normalcy, even in person, resuming conversation as if we’re still talking over the phone or on a virtual meeting.

CHAPTER TEN

EZRA

“Oh, come on, I’m sure you were a kidonce.” Channah playfully bumps into me as we walk through Valley Forge. She lets out a breath as she giggles, a cloud of white surfacing in front of her mouth from the chill in the air.

“Me? No, never,” I say teasingly, bumping into her right back, smiling.

The sky is black. We’re each hugging our arms around our chests. Despite the chill, there’s a warmth between us, heating my insides. Up ahead at the top of the hill, there’s a grey arch, the same arch I’ve seen in all the promotional videos in my hotel rooms whenever I’ve stayed anywhere nearby for site walks.

And part of me is yet again regretting my choices in life. Because as I stare into Channah’s sparkling eyes, I’m starting to lose myself in them.

“For real,” she says, “tell me the craziest thing you did as a kid.”

“The craziest?” I consider her query, trying to recall back far enough. Mom moved us around a lot. We were never in the same area for very long. Not conducive to making friends or doing crazy things. Still, I’d found my fair share of trouble. “I got caught smoking a cigarette in the school bathroom once.”

She mocks a gasp. “Scandalous.”

I laugh. “Oh, c’mon. That earned me three Saturday detentions in a row.”

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