Page 34 of Prometheus Burning

“Yeah… I… uh…” he started to say.

“We made this bet in Latin,” Melissa interrupted. “Andhelost.”

“You guys… make bets?” I asked, the hurt in my voice never more evident. Part of me wanted Jamie to hear the pain, and to instantly recognize that making a bet with someone else encroached on our territory. But the other part of me hoped he wouldn’t notice at all. That I’d be left alone to wallow in my self-pity while the two of them danced the rest of the night away.

Jamie’s mouth pulled into a sour grin as we locked eyes.

Do you even have any idea how I feel?I didn’t dare ask, though I wondered if he could read the message loud and clear through my expression.

Melissa swung an arm over Jamie’s shoulder, like they were best buds, pulling him away from me. My eyes squinted, and I stared at her, burning with anger. With her proximity, I smelled alcohol all over her breath.

“You don’t mind if I steal your boy away for one dance, right Jemma?” Melissa asked me. I eyed Jamie, whose tense jaw deeply betrayed the dewy look in his eyes as he gazed in her direction. I was instantly brought back to Inkwell the year before, watching him longingly watch her as he took pictures for the school yearbook. I’d thought that dating me would be enough for him to get over her. Apparently not.

“Uh… yeah. No biggie,” I said. “Go ahead. Dance.”

Sometimes the biggest lies from me deepened the valley of pain while simultaneously protecting my heart.

“Are you… sure?” Jamie asked, raising a brow.

“Yeah. Totally,” I said, backing away to allow them to do their thing.

“Come on!” Melissa didn’t waste any time, grabbing Jamie’s hand and jerking him through a mob of couples on the floor. They buried into the thick of the crowd, chatting about god knows what. For a minute, I watched them, the green-eyed monster making its rounds through my heart.

“Run It” by Chris Brown boomed over the speaker system, and I found it nearly impossible to hear my own thoughts. I waited on the sidelines, buried in the shadows, watching the boy I loved dance with the girl who was, clearly, the person of his dreams.

Melissa leaned into Jamie who had a goofy grin stretched across his face.

Sometimes I wondered… what it would be like to not exist at all.

* * *

“I hope there’s no afterlife.” I flicked a pebble toward the pond. The fabric of my dress tugged against me as I twisted.

Beneath the moonlight, the black rock skipped across a ray of white which spanned the surface of the pond. The pebble marked tiny circles as it walked along the water and into the night before finally disappearing into nothingness.

Stony Point Park after the dance seemed like the best idea for the mood I was in right now. This place was known for its suicide attempts, and I couldn’t help but relate to the people who’d found their heaven in the form of a watery grave. Not that I planned on joining them, but I certainly understood how a person would want it all to end. Hell, Dad had killed himself. I had to understand on some level.

“Yeah, me too. I wouldn’t want there to be anymore of life’s bullshit after death.” Jamie mimicked my action, casting a pebble out into the air. Instead of skipping as mine had, his plunked down upon impact. He adjusted his collared shirt which had shifted and then stepped back. “Guess I wasn’t meant to do this.”

He dipped down and swooped up another pebble, leaning back for the next toss. Once again, the pebble dropped into the pond on the first try.

“Nice one.” I laughed, then raised an eyebrow. “Hey, why don’t we make a bet? Fuck. Everyone’s doing it, apparently.”

Jamie eyed me, face going grim. “Wait… Jemma…”

“Let’s make a beat,” I repeated, “and if I win, we’ll wager something I want to have happen. Just like Melissa apparently wanted to dance with you so badly that she bet you in Latin.” I rolled my eyes. “What’s up with that? Lame.”

“Jemma…”

“Yeah, so much for our bets. Because I guess they mean nothing special. Fuck, do you have debates with her, too? What else do the two of you share?”

“That… isn’t fair.” His blue eyes pierced the distance between us. I took a step back, out of the light, so that he couldn’t see the way my eyes welled up.

“Do you… I mean… do you… love her?” I whispered. Maybe the question seemed to come from nowhere, but I realized that I’d been wondering since even before he and I got together. He’d never looked at me the same way his eyes fell longingly over her.

Jamie’s chin dipped, tears falling from his face. He didn’t answer. Simply stood there beneath the faint light which caressed the crown of his face and upper forehead.

“I…” he started to say.

---