Page 107 of The Bad Girl List

“Will you–will you tell me what happened the other night?”

He doesn’t ask me to clarify. He doesn’t play dumb, either. He knows what I’m asking. I want to know why he got so angry when he saw my butterfly tattoo. I know it has something to do with Elle, but I want the whole story.

He looks down at his boots and scuffs his heel against the dirt. The silence stretches to the point where it’s unbearable.

“Nevermind,” I say. “Just take me home.”

I turn to walk away.

His hand darts out to grab my arm. “Wait.”

“Trevor.” I shake free and rub my forehead. This is too much drama. I shouldn’t have asked. I just need to get away from him. “I need to get back to my family.”

“She was wearing a dress with blue butterflies the night she died.”

A chill sweeps across my shoulders as I turn to face him. The sadness on his face, the conflict in his eyes–it’s almost too much to look at.

“Elle.” He swallows, still scuffing his boot heel on the ground. “Elle was wearing a dress with blue butterflies the night she died. When I saw your tattoo, I … I lost it. I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” The word comes out like a sad, dying fish flopping on the ground. Something in my chest compresses. My tattoo is a reminder of Elle in the worst way. No wonder he lost his shit and shut down.

“Elle had a thing for blue butterflies,” Trevor says. “She read somewhere that they symbolized the souls of loved ones who had passed. Both of her parents had died in a factory accident. That’s why she was adopted. Even though she didn’t remember them, she liked to think they visited her anytime she saw a blue butterfly. Her adopted family helped her build a small memorial shrine in the backyard of her home. She would leave things there for them. Fresh flowers. A test she was particularly proud of, sometimes even a report card. It was her way of honoring them, even if she didn’t remember them. It always seemed like such a fucked up joke that she had those butterflies on her dress the day she died.”

Trevor takes off his hat and runs a hand through his hair. “I wanted to tell you, to explain. I just … I didn’t know how to say it. It felt like Elle was reaching out of the grave to slap me and I felt …”

“Guilty?” I supply.

“Yeah.” He nods. “I felt guilty for wanting you.”

Oh, my God. Things are so much more complicated than I even imagined. The night of Skyview Villa takes on an entirely new shape in my mind.

“The butterflies were by your back deck.”

Trevor’s brows draw together. “What?”

“The butterflies. I saw a small cluster of them by your back deck when you took me to your house. I drew them when I got home that night. That’s where the picture for the tattoo came from.”

This information hangs between us in the air. It feels significant, like a puzzle piece neither of us knew was missing until now. I turn it over in my mind, watching Trevor’s brow furrow and unfurrow as he processes.

He raises his gaze, eyes locking on mine. “I’m sorry, Dom.” Trevor takes a step closer to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I’ve been in a dark spiral and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get out of it.” His eyes are pleading as he takes another step closer. “I thought I was fine. I thought Tequila and the vineyards were enough. Then I met you, and …” He shakes his head. “You make me want to figure out a way to be happy again. I just have no fucking idea how to do it. It’s so hard.”

This last word comes out in a whisper of anguish. My heart breaks for him.

“Maybe Elle is watching over you,” I say quietly, finally having gathered my thoughts around the significance of the butterflies. “My mom and aunties always say my grandmother is visiting if we see a hummingbird. When I think of Grandma, it’s impossible not to think about hummingbirds. She had a beautiful garden with lots of flowers for them. She even made special hummingbird water for her feeders. Whatever the case, Trevor, if Elle is reaching back from the grave, I’m pretty sure it’s not to slap you. If the way you feel about her is any indication, I’d say she loved you with her whole heart.”

A shudder runs through Trevor’s body. He reaches for me, his fingers grabbing the belt loops of my shorts. I let him pull me to him. When his arms come around me, I rest my cheek on his chest.

“Thank you for saying that.” He kisses the top of my head. “Thank you, Dom.”

I give him a squeeze. I can’t fix Trevor’s broken heart, but if I can give him a little solace, that’s something.

“Dom.” He tilts my chin up so that he can look at me. “You’re so fucking beautiful, in every way.” He leans down and catches my mouth with his. The kiss is slow and sensual and desperate. My body comes alive, hot and prickly and hungry for him.

I can’t do this. “Trevor, no.” I try to pull away but his arm tightens around me, holding me against him.

“I want to take you out,” he says. “On a real date. I know it’s your vacation and you’re going home in a few days. I know we’ve had a few false starts, but I think there could be something between us. I really like you, Dom.”

I rest my forehead on his chest, basking in his words. I really like you, Dom.

---