Page 78 of Toxic Obsession

“Yeah?”

“When Janine and I walked back into the house, and you were helping Mom.” I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, hiding the fact that my tears were falling faster. “That you had the ability to love me enough to have Thanksgiving with my fucked-up family ...” I peeked up at him. “I saw the amazing man you are, and I turned into a puddle of goo right there on the spot.”

“If I’d known that was the way to make you fall in love with me, I would have carried food around for your mom a long time ago.”

His beautiful smile radiated warmth and safety, something I’d craved for way too long. Quinn smoothed my hair and kissed me gently. I savored the taste of him and wished that moment would last forever.

“As soon as everyone is asleep, we can go into Ky’s room. I mean, if you’re ready.” I gulped. Hell, I wasn’t sure I was ready, but maybe it would be easier if we looked around together. Suddenly needing a minute, I said, “I’m going to see if there’s something to drink. Do you want a soda?”

“That or water is great.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” I left, then my breath stuttered in my throat as I focused on Ky’s door. A fiery heat spread across my chest. I tried to suppress the hatred that was boiling over inside me, but it was useless. I shook my head in disbelief, wondering how Ky could have been so foolish to throw away the life he’d had and take so many others with it. We’d all had a good life. He was well-liked by people at school and a star on the soccer field. From what I saw, Ky was happy.

I rubbed my neck. It had been five years, and although I would never get over the harm Ky caused, maybe after this visit I could mentally move on more than I had in the past.

I crept down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen. To my surprise, Mom was sitting at the dining room table. She looked up from her book and gave me a sad smile.

“There are leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

I took a moment to really look at her. Streaks of grey threaded her dark hair, and fine lines were visible around her mouth and the corners of her eyes. She seemed exhausted and worn out.Welcome to the club. But I hadn’t given up on my kids like she had.

“Thanks. Dinner was good,” I muttered.

Mom closed the book she was reading, then set it down. “How is Quinn? I can’t imagine how hard it is for him to see Ky’s home.”

My entire body bristled. Not once had she asked me how I was doing after Ky took so many lives and then his own.

“He’s hanging in there.”

Mom glanced down, then returned her attention to me. “Ky had a journal, Wynter. If you can find it, you might learn why he changed so fast and … and why he …” She grimaced.

“You don’t have to say that your son and my brother shot up a fucking high school, killing fourteen people, including himself. I’ve had plenty of practice saying it loud, so I’ll do it for you.” Anger brewed in the pit of my stomach, and my hands itched with the urge to slap her. In my opinion, Mom was weak. I’d carried the family after Ky snapped us in two like we were dried-up brittle twigs.

“I know what happened. I remember getting the call from the police. The only reason I mentioned the journal is because I’m assuming you and Quinn will go into Kyler’s room to see if there are any clues. I can tell you there’s not. The cops went through his room a few times, and took his computer, notebooks, phone, anything that might have shed light on what he did. But … they never found his journal, Wynter. I’m guessing it’s hidden in the house somewhere. Try to find it.”

“Why are you telling me this? It’s been years, Mom. Why now?”

Her brown eyes misted over. “Because I should have been there for you and Janine. I should have tried to help you girls make sense of how Ky changed. I was a horrible mother, and if I can help you find peace now, I will. Regardless of whether you believe it or not, I love you and Janine more than anything else in this world.”

I stared at her, wondering if she had taken a few nips from a bottle of gin stashed somewhere. When she started drinking, she was full of sweet words and promises. After that, it was a slippery slope into darkness and screaming before she finally curled up in bed and hid from reality.

“Okay. If I can look for it while I’m here, that would be great. Quinn needs to understand what happened between Ky and Bell. Maybe it won’t ever make sense to us, but maybe Ky told us all along what was happening, and we didn’t know how to listen.”

Mom wiped the tears from her cheeks. “If you find that he put his thoughts on paper, would you mind letting me know?”

A flicker of compassion welled in my chest. “I understand how horrific it was to learn that my brother, the one I adored since I was little, murdered people. But … I can’t imagine what it feels like to have lost a son, and in such a violent way. I wish it had never happened.”

Mom’s shoulders shook with her muffled sobs. I headed to the living room and retrieved a box of tissues. Placing them on the table, I sank into the chair across from her.

“I should have listened to you, Wynter. You tried. None of what Ky did was your fault, but I know you paid dearly. I’m so sorry.”

A painful lump swelled in my throat. Not once had Mom said any of those words to me after Ky left us. Not. One. Fucking. Time. I slammed my eyes closed, holding my anguish at bay, and trying to carefully choose what came out of my mouth next.

I waited until her cries subsided. “If Quinn can look past what Ky did to his sister, then maybe there’s a chance for us. I won’t lie, though. It all depends on if you stay sober or not. If you relapse, I’m taking Janine with me, and you can rot and die alone in this fucking house.”

A heavy, heartbroken silence hung in the air. “I’ll take it. At least it gives me some hope and very clear boundaries with you. I need those.”

Ugh. She was getting to me. I stood. “I’m going to grab something to drink, then see if Quinn is ready to visit Ky’s room. If you hear crying or yelling, please just let us have some space to process.”

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