Page 158 of Beautifully Damaged Boxset

“Yeah. Maybe we should also try and connect with each other this time every night unless she’s not feeling well.” Chance peeked at her.

“Sounds good,” Jace said. “It will give me something to look forward to. Holden’s a drag these days.” Jace chuckled.

My gaze connected with Brynn’s, and a quiet understanding was exchanged between us. I nodded slightly and mentally promised I’d take care of Chance if anything happened to her.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Once again, I was afraid to close my eyes at night. My subconscious spewed nightmares at me about River, or Brynn’s sunken, pale face begging me for help. It was too fucking much.

After Jace had left to go to his place, I connected my cell through Chance’s stereo system and turned on Spotify. “Home” by Edith Whiskers filled the house. I scrolled through my phone, intending to catch up on emails, but my mind continued to return to River. Was she asleep or awake right now? Had those monsters hurt her? Was our baby okay? Pure fear shot down my spine.

One thing was for sure: I’d end Tim once he returned her. He was just as responsible as the person who took River. Regret nudged me. She’d come so far in the months she’d been here. The only person I knew of that had been after her was Logan, but Sutton and Pierce had cleared him. Even Tim hadn’t been a part of the plan.

What I couldn’t figure out, though, was why River? She had moved in with me and put her life together. Hell, she didn’t even know anyone here other than Jace, Chance, and Brynn. She’d met a few of the club employees but hadn’t developed any kind of friendships yet.

I massaged my temples, willing my brain to work. As much as I hated them, I had to focus on the nightmares. There was something there. I could sense it. I shuddered, almost able to feel the ghost of a small hand on my arm. “Goddammit,” I said to absolutely no one. Since Jace left an hour ago, I was floundering in the brutal silence and hazy memories. But … “Focus, Holden.”

When Chance, Jace, and I were sophomores in high school, I’d decided to skip school one day. Everyone else was down with the idea, and we ended up hanging out at Jace’s place. Jace thought it would be funny to imitate his mom, so we all gathered in her office. He whipped out a notebook and pen and pretended to psychoanalyze us. It was all fun and games until he stumbled on an experimental hypnosis technique his mom was studying. More like perfecting.

Brynn snatched the notes out of Jace’s hand and started to read the process. Laughter floated through the room until we realized Brynn’s expression had grown serious and intrigued. Chance suggested that we try it. We were rich, bored kids that were willing to try anything at least once.

Since Jace’s mom was gone for the week, we had the house to ourselves and decided to go for it. What we hadn’t planned on was that it would actually work. Not to mention it was dangerous as hell.

I’d volunteered to go first. Then again. And again. Until I went under so deeply, Brynn couldn’t bring me out of the trance and back to reality. Jace and Chance had hightailed it to the basement and grabbed bags of ice that Jace’s mom stored for parties. When they returned, they dumped it into the bathwater I was submerged in. After that, they made me swear I’d never do it again. But now …

It had been a long time since I’d tried it, but if I could connect with the part of myself that had answers, it would be worth the risk.

I hopped off the couch and glanced at the clock on the wall. The second hand ticked methodically, the only sound in the room. I could do this.

Quickly typing a message to Jace, I let him know that I was going to try the experimental method.

His reply was quick, and in all caps.

Dude, no way. It’s too intense. You remember what happened last time.

I blew out a quick breath, toying with the idea of backing out.

I’ll figure out how to do it without you if you don’t want to help.

His response came almost immediately.

Fuck that. I’m on my way. Be there in fifteen.

I scolded myself for being stupid and willing to try the process without someone experienced with me. The last time I’d gone under had been disastrous, and I’d nearly not been able to break the hypnosis. It wasn’t something that I took lightly, but I was bound and determined to find River. And regardless, if I wanted to admit it or not, somewhere buried in my memories, I had the answers. I just had to risk everything in order to get them.

“This is fucked up, Holden. If Brynn finds out about this, she’ll beat your ass.” Jace leaned against the bathroom counter with his mom’s black, hardcover book in his hands.

I slipped my tennis shoes off and climbed into the bathtub with my jeans and shirt on. “It’s been two weeks since River was taken. I can’t wait any longer. Plus, we have a plan in case I get stuck.”

Jace’s gaze narrowed at me. “Don’t get stuck. Just don’t.” He ran his hand through his hair, obviously nervous. “I’m pretty sure that I already know what your answer will be, but are you sure, Holden?”

I glared at him. “I don’t have a choice.” I sat in the tub and stretched my legs in front of me. If Jace couldn’t bring me out of the trance, then he knew what to do. I began to run the warm water.

“Are you ready?” A grim expression settled over Jace’s features. “If anything happens … love ya, man.”

Jesus, Jace was really spooked. I took a minute and stared at him. “You, too.” My pulse spiked as I realized where he was coming from. My focus was finding River and figuring out the fucking nightmares, but we were at risk of losing almost everyone we loved. And here I was, risking my own life as well.

I closed my eyes, listening to the thump-thump of my heart in my ears. One after the other, I blocked out the fear, the anger, the images that had been assaulting my mind. I blocked out River and Brynn. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

---