Page 4 of Ward D
She’s right—I should block him. And I will.
Maybe tomorrow.
We turn a corner and the hospital comes into view—it’s a new structure built in a circular shape so that the inpatient units form a loop. It was built to have an ultra-modern appearance, like we’re living in the not-too-distant future. For the last two years, I’ve been taking classes at the hospital: anatomy, physiology, pathology, microbiology, etc. But now we’re finally using the hospital for the reason it’s intended: to see patients and learn how to become doctors. This is what I have been dreaming about for my entire life.
Although Ineverdreamed about becoming a psychiatrist. Of all the specialties I have been considering, that is the only one that has never crossed my mind.
Gabby skids to a sickening halt in front of the busy entrance to the hospital, narrowly missing a man in a wheelchair. “Here we are!”
“Here we are,” I echo, clutching the brown paper sack on my lap, containing my American cheese sandwich and a bag of chips I found in one of our cupboards. The sack crumples under my hands.
“Don’t worry,” she says. “You’ll be fine.”
“I’ll text you when I get inside.” I want to add:If you don’t hear from me every hour, send help.
“Actually…” Gabby twirls a lock of black hair around her finger. “The reception isn’t great there. It’s actually sort of… nonexistent.”
I gape at her. I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse about tonight, but there it is. “You didn’t tell me that!”
“You were already so upset. I didn’t want to make you feel worse!”
I lean my head back and pout. “At least I could havepreparedmyself then.”
“Look,” she says, “if you go into the staff lounge and hold the phone right up to the window—like, actually touching it—you can get a couple of bars.”
Apparently, I am going to spend most of tonight in the staff lounge, with my phone pressed against the window.
“I’ll pick you up in the morning,” Gabby says. “Seven o’clock sharp. We’ll go get pancakes.”
I feel bad dragging Gabby to the hospital at seven on a Saturday morning, although to be fair, it was her bright idea to attempt to carpool this year. So far, it feels like a mostly failed experiment, but we’re still trying to make it work. And anyway, the thought of jumping into Gabby’s car tomorrow morning and driving to the local diner for pancakes will give me something to look forward to.
“Okay,” I say, except I don’t get out of the car. I don’t budge from the passenger’s seat.
“Amy.” She frowns at me. “You need to calm down. What are you so worried about?”
It’s the same question Dr. Sleepy asked me. I open my mouth, wishing I could tell her everything, but also knowing that I can’t. Only one person knows the truth, and that’s Jade. I can never tell anyone else. Not my parents, not Gabby… I couldn’t even tell Cameron before I found out what a jerk he was.
“What if,” I say quietly, “at the end of the night, they get confused and think that I’m one of the patients there and they don’t let me out?”
For a moment, Gabby stares at me. But then, after a few beats, she breaks out into loud laughter. The kind of boisterous Gabby-laugh that usually makes me want to join in, but not today. “Oh my God, Amy. You aresofunny.”
She thinks I’m joking.
I raise my eyes to gaze up at the fifteen-story hospital looming above me. Even though it’s July, there must be rain coming because the sun has already dropped in the sky and heavy gray clouds are forming along the roof of the hospital, giving it an ominous appearance. I’ve never dreaded anything quite so much.
But I’m just being silly. What happened was a very long time ago. It’s a distant memory, really.
This will be fine.
3
EIGHT YEARS EARLIER
Ilove this sweater. Like, so much.
I’ve never been much of a sweater person. But the shade of pink perfectly complements my skin tone. And when I run my hand over the soft fabric, it feels like I’m touching a cloud. I turn this way and that, admiring myself in one of many mirrors of Ricardo’s—a busy clothing store at the mall.
“That looksamazingon you.”
