Page 9 of Smolder (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter 29)

“Your reaction was honest, don’t be sorry for that,” Asher said, but his voice held bitterness that made the words a lie.

“It wasn’t for the reason you think.”

“Now you will tell me that I don’t know my own mind. You do have the arrogance of youth and beauty.”

“I’m young but I’m not beautiful, not compared to you,” Peter said.

Asher made a sound that was too bitter to be a laugh, but I didn’t have another word for it. He pulled away from my hand and I didn’t fight him over it. I had my own issues to work today, I didn’t have enough energy left over to deal with one of Asher’s famous fits. He was gorgeous, but eventually beauty and great sex aren’t enough.

Peter said, “You’re so good at hiding the scars with your hair that I forget they are there.”

“Good that you can forget that I am ruined.”

“All you let me see is the perfect parts of you physically. Nicky lets me see the scars where he lost his eye now, so it’s part of him, but you never seem to treat your scars that way.”

“Oh, they are very much a part of me, a part that I can never forget. I have wished often that vampires had no reflections like in movies, because then it would not be a constant reminder of what I have lost.”

“If that is how you feel, Asher, then why don’t you go back to consult with the plastic surgeon? He was hopeful about helping you,” I said.

He just shook his head hard enough that his hair moved but never showed any of his face. Peter was right, Asher had spent centuries using his hair to shield his face. He always seemed to know where every shadow or patch of light would hit him and what it would show. He used all of it to keep his scars hidden. The scars didn’t cover that much of his face because he could keep the hair over it while looking at someone with both eyes and most of his face, but it wasn’t my face, it wasn’t me who had gone from the kind of beauty that would make people gasp in wonder, to scars that made people gasp like Peter had.

I felt Jean-Claude like a distant dream down the metaphysical connection between us. He was being subtle because if Asher sensed his presence then he would say that I didn’t want him except through Jean-Claude’s eyes. Since I was beginning to agree with that, it was hard to argue. I’d only been in an off-again, on-again relationship with Asher for a few years; Jean-Claude had been trying for centuries. That breath of power asked me in emotions to please try. Jean-Claude could have simply spoken in my mind, but that much power between us and Asher would have sensed it happening.

I reached for his hand. He startled, his hand tensing under my touch. He darted a glance at me, a flash of those ice-blue eyes through the wilderness of his golden hair. “Why would you want to touch me when you have unblemished youth before you?”

I settled my hand more securely in his; Jean-Claude was gone from the part of me where I could feel it, because touching made all our powers stronger. If Asher realized that it hadn’t been just myidea to hold his hand, then it would have made things worse. “You know that Peter and I aren’t an item.”

“Only a lover will defend someone’s honor so swiftly and so decisively.”

“Any suggestions, Ted?” Peter asked.

“You made the mess, you clean it up, that’s the rule; besides, this isn’t the part of Anita’s life that I help out with, and I’m good with the division of labor.”

Peter took a few steps toward us and my hand in Asher’s kept him from moving away. Peter took the hint, though, and stopped where he was, giving the vampire the space he seemed to need. “Somewhere in all that talking, did you imply that you’re jealous of me?” Peter asked,sonot what I thought he would lead with.

Asher laughed, and it was so bitter it felt like broken glass in my ears just to hear it.

“No vampire mind tricks,” Edward said, “or I will join in, and you don’t want that.”

“No,” Asher said, “I do not. My apologies, for losing control for a moment.”

“You didn’t go off your meds, did you?” I asked, because this was the moody Asher of old, not the one who had taken his therapy so seriously that they’d found meds that worked on a vampire, which hadn’t been easy. The doctor was writing a paper on it because it was a first. Finding meds that evened out Asher’s brain chemistry had made an amazing difference. He was healthier than he’d ever been, and we were all happier for it, except for Kane, apparently.

“No, I did not go off my meds, but I can understand why you asked.” He squeezed my hand gently.

“If the meds are still working, then what’s wrong?” I asked.

“The medicine clears my head and helps my heart be less tempestuous, but now the true work of therapy begins. I am finding that working on internal issues is far more challenging than I had imagined.”

I squeezed his hand back and said, “I’m proud of you for working your issues, instead of letting them work you.”

“It’s so hard to do the work in therapy; I’m sorry that I made it worse,” Peter said.

“You are young, you don’t know any better.”

“Let me try to do better; first can I say something without you taking it as flirting, because I don’t like men, so I don’t mean it that way, but I want to try and explain.”

Asher laughed again and it was bitter, but it didn’t hurt to hear it. He was trying, too. “You are safe from my advances. I would not want to be with anyone who reacts to me as you did.”

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