Page 20 of Matthew

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“You won’t put me in a mental hospital?”

Avir held Matt’s hands and looked him in the eye. Despite puffy, red eyes and his face so pale his lips were scarlet in contrast, he was heart-wrenchingly beautiful. “Without seeing if outpatient therapy will work? I’d prefer to keep you home, Matt, but if you feel as if you need to stay in a care facility—”

“I don’t want to.” Curled in Masok’s lap on the common room’s lounger, Kom hovering over them, Matt appeared childlike. “I probably should, but I want to stay with you.”

“I’d like that too.”

Blue eyes ran over tears. “I was certain he’d come for us when we were in your office. I swear, I saw his shadow over your shoulder, Avir. He was there. My mind said it made no sense, but I saw him, and his hands were covered in blood. He said he’d kill you.”

Hallucinations. Avir’s blood ran cold. Why hadn’t he listened to Kom? Why had he allowed what he wanted for Matt and his clan to discount his Nobek’s warnings? Kom tended to be dramatic and he often exaggerated, but Avir should have paid attention.

“We’ll see what the psychiatrist says, okay? You’ll talk to him tomorrow; I got you an emergency appointment. He’ll give us his recommendations, and we’ll discuss them together.”

“You don’t want to get rid of me? After what I did?”

Avir’s stomach churned at the despair in his expression and voice. “Hell, no. I want to fix this for you. I want you to be happy and stay here forever.”

“Until it happens again. Until it keeps happening. I can’t stop it.”

“We’ll find a way, Mattie. I promise. Whatever it takes.”

He meant it, but the push-pull of Avir’s hopes had returned despite seeing his would-be companion fall apart. Placing Matt in a facility, admitting he’d suffered trauma so severe it might be beyond their abilities to cope?

Avir had been certain a nice home and caring clan were all Matt needed. He and Masok had chuckled at Kom’s overreaction to Matt’s nightmares and shyness. Weren’t many human men doing well on Kalquor with their clans? Why should Matt be different, especially when they were ready to be devoted to him? How could they be unsuccessful when it came to providing for an Earther companion?

No, he wouldn’t let this feeling he’d come up short stop him from helping Matt. Avir was determined to do what was required to free his would-be companion from the devil haunting him. The days spent in the Earther’s presence had endeared him to Avir, and he was eager to discover if the first impulses of infatuation would lead to a lifelong love.

I must do what’s right for him, even if it means a temporary separation. Even if it means admitting I was less than he required.There was no room for selfishness when Matt was so terrorized by the past.

* * * *

First Session Report

Presiding Therapist: Dr. Retel, psychiatrist; also present, Dr. T. J. Sanderson, psychologist and Earther trauma liaison

Patient: Matthew Larsen, Earther, promised companion to Clan Avir

Session Notes: Matthew, who goes by the nicknames “Matt” and “Mattie,” entered into therapy under his own volition, supported by the wishes of his intended clanmates, Dramok Avir, Imdiko Masok, and Nobek Kom. At issue is the trauma of being a same-sex-oriented man who once lived on Earth; chronic abuse by a parent/primary caregiver (his father, often referred to as ‘the monster’ by Matt); witnessing a violent attack by his parent and another family member on a lover (Matt states this was his only lover before his current relationship); fleeing his parent via military enlistment; being trapped on board a rogue Earther warship following the war against Kalquor; forced to watch prisoners, including Nobek Kom, victimized by their captors and being helpless to prevent it; and years of voluntary homelessness, during which he roamed various alien sites in order to “escape” being found by his father, whom Matt is certain is searching for him. He states and Nobek Kom confirms the father, Sven Larsen, is currently residing on the Earther colony Mercy. Also confirmed by Nobek Kom is there being no sign the father has sought contact with Matt.

First impressions: Matt is a gentle person, small for his species but not weak despite being born prematurely (a twin brother died during the delivery) and having numerous ailments as an infant related to his premature birth. He mentions instances of confusing the present and the past when he’s upset, during which he’s convinced his father is present and threatening him and his potential clan. Clan Avir confirms such an episode, and Nobek Kom confirms multiple similar occurrences since reuniting with Matt over seven months prior to this date. Nightmares are an almost nightly occurrence, though Matt is granted some relief when he takes a sedative, which was prescribed for occasional use by a Dr. Doljen on board a cargo carrier Kom and Matt briefly served on.

Matt searches for places to hide in his environment, “just in case.” I observed him examining my office closely, his attention centering on my desk, under which there is a space he’d fit in, and an open closet. When I asked him if they would be good hiding places, he answered in the affirmative.

Matt is musically inclined, which may be used as a tool in his therapy. A recent physical exam, performed by the aforementioned Dr. Doljen, shows him to be in good health. He has an excellent sense of humor, particularly about his height. He alleges his intelligence is below average, citing poor school performance as a youth to state his case. He has some knowledge of spoken Kalquorian, but has yet to grasp any of the written language despite efforts to learn. He often loses track of conversations, has difficulty following three or more directions given at once, and reports “getting lost” in moderately sized areas, such as Clan Avir’s home and the cargo transport he lived on for seven months. On the current home situation, his intended clan shows dedication to his well-being, which will be a positive factor in his attempts to overcome trauma.

Matt has been scheduled to undergo a battery of tests in the coming week: the Nosel Emotional Status Assessment, the Intellectual Disability Assessment, and the Standard Intellectual Grading exam. We suspect he may have a learning disability and an attention deficit rather than low intelligence, which has been exacerbated by the trauma he’s suffered for most of his life. Extreme Anxiety Syndrome and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder seem likely diagnoses, and the Nosel will determine if those ailments are present.

Hospitalization has been inquired about, but we don’t see the necessity at this time. This is subject to change depending on test results and future reactions to stresses in Matt’s life.

* * * *

Matt wandered his suite, the Martin slung on his shoulder, his fingers fretting and strumming a tune that had come to him. His thoughts drifted between the song he was composing and the results of the testing Dr. Retel had performed.

He’d been aware he had PTSD. He’d spoken to a number of fellow Earthers during his years floating from place to place, and many had mentioned being diagnosed. Some suffered from being gay under Earth’s regime. The lifelong terror of being discovered and executed had affected many. Retel’s results of the anxiety diagnosis had also come as no surprise.

Matt had been more surprised he wasn’t as dumb as he’d suspected. He was no genius, but his intelligence scores had been within normal parameters. An attention deficit and difficulty retaining written information had apparently been why he’d been such a low achiever in school. His ability to memorize was somewhat impaired. It explained a lot, like why he got so easily turned around in places where he had no long-term familiarity.

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