Page 72 of Bernadette

“I insisted you babysit a grown man who knew right from wrong. Zakla knew he was fucking up. He also knew where the rehab hospital was. He could have done the right thing and checked himself in, cleaned himself up. He chose not to, and that was on him. He died because the drugs and the game were more important to him than his own life. Or the damage it would do to those who loved him. It had nothing to do with you two.”

“He was a good man underneath it all,” Halmiko said.

“He most certainly was. He was also a selfish shit. I loved him anyway. I always will.” Tumsa drew a breath. “The same as I’ll forever love the clan I chased away with my stupid accusations. I beg you to consider restoring us as a clan, because I’m fucking lost without you.”

There was a few seconds’ silence. Bernadette swiped impatiently at the tears rolling down her cheeks. Doljen had bowed his head. His long hair had fallen to hide his face, but Tumsa caught a glint of his eye watching him through a part in the heavy cascade.

Halmiko grimaced. “I thought I made my position clear yesterday before these dope-happy doctors sent me off to la-la land. I don’t want to de-clan, and I’ll fight you in court if you try it, no matter what it costs me. I want my Dramok and Imdiko. I want to be the Nobek I should have been for the last eight years. I’ll hound you both to the grave before I quit us again. That’s all I have to say about it.”

A rush of gratitude washed through Tumsa. One of his clanmates was giving him a second chance. That left it up to Doljen.

He couldn’t say he was optimistic on that account.

Chapter Twenty-One

Tumsa held his breath as Doljen’s head rose. He shook his hair out of his face and glanced between his clanmates before gazing at the woman in their midst. “I’m staying with Bernadette.”

In the short time he’d gotten to know her, Tumsa had learned she could be bald about her opinions, rarely softening her tone when she delivered news that someone might dislike.

She smiled and was gentle with Doljen on this occasion. “Hal is part of my crew. He’ll be with us on theRogue. Tumsa has asked to join as well. Though it’s been a short acquaintance, he’s proven so far to be a worthwhile addition to my life. I want to find out if that’s true.”

“You’re saying I have to go back to them to be with you.”

She shook her head. “That isn’t my call. It’s up to you. But Hal has come to mean the world to me. Whether you return to your clan or not, you’ll have to share me with both of them. Because given the chance, I think I’ll fall in love with Tumsa as I have you two.”

Tumsa didn’t miss the heartfelt emotion that filled Halmiko’s features before he regained control over himself. As for himself, his pulse quickened. Bernadette held him with the same esteem he felt for her? She wasn’t using him as a mere means to an end?

The future was beaming brighter by the second, but there was still Doljen.

Bernadette wasn’t finished. Her dark gaze was level. “Tumsa, I realize you’re a Dramok whose every instinct is to lead, but theRogueis my ship. You come on board, you answer to me where that’s concerned. Can you handle obeying a female Earther captain if I train you and put you in charge of acquiring cargo and scheduling pickups and drop-offs?”

For her, for the chance to repair his clan, he would have bowed to anything she wanted. He voiced none of that, answering with a simple “I enthusiastically agree to your terms, Captain Miller.”

The gentle expression returned as she focused again on Doljen. “The ball’s in your court. Come with me and share my life. It would offer you the opportunity to see if there’s anything left to salvage as far as your clan’s concerned. Or stay here on Lobam, and I’ll visit you when I’m able.”

Tumsa wondered if she’d stick to her guns if Doljen made a case for ‘them or me.’ He couldn’t breathe as he waited for his Imdiko’s answer.

Fearful uncertainty was stamped on the other man’s features. He stared in silent appeal at Bernadette. When she showed no sign of relenting, he gazed at Halmiko. Hurt filled his eyes, but Tumsa thought he saw yearning too.

Then Doljen looked at him, and he braced himself for his clanmate’s closed-off look, the metaphoric door slamming shut against him once and for all.

It didn’t happen. Longing remained.

You’re fooling yourself.

Doljen’s voice was quiet, so quiet he had to strain to hear it. “I’ve missed my clan. Without it, without Bernadette, I’ve been an empty shell. I was willing to live this way, because I’ve been certain there’s no hope, that there’s no use in chasing what can’t be.”

“It sounds as if a second chance is a very real possibility. Tumsa and Hal are ready to try. It’s you who have to be willing to allow it a chance.” Bernadette’s voice was as soft as his.

He gazed at her with open love. “I’ve struggled with what you told me I needed to do. To face up to what happened. Everything in me is fighting against it, because it’s so painful. But for you…” he glanced at Tumsa and Halmiko “…for what we once had…”

His voice faltered. Bernadette took his hand and waited. They all waited.

He drew a breath. “Bernadette, I’ll join your crew as theRogue’sdoctor. I’ll stay with you as your lover. I can’t lose you again.” There was another long pause that stretched Tumsa’s nerves to screaming before Doljen gazed at him again.

“I’ll see how we do as shipmates. I’ll give us the chance to discover if what we had is still there. I can’t promise I’ll be easy to be around—”

“I think that’s supposed to be my line.” Halmiko smiled.

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