Page 37 of Bernadette

“You don’t fuck around when it comes to the armed forces on Kalquor. That’s a mandatory prison sentence unless there are overwhelming mitigating circumstances.”

“Did Doljen realize that?”

“According to the court papers, he did. He told the judge he knowingly and with full intent broke the law.”

“What happened to bring him to that point wasn’t considered an overwhelming circumstance? People lose their shit when it comes to grief.”

“Our lawyer would have argued for that very point, if Doljen had allowed it to go to trial. But he was determined to go to prison instead.” Tumsa’s voice cracked.

She gaped. “He wanted to be incarcerated just to avoid you?”

“I was a brutal asshole in my misery and guilt. It was ugly, Bernadette. I deserved to be taken out and shot for how I treated Doljen. Nothing I said afterward would sway him. He was done with me and Halmiko, for very good reason.”

Bernadette’s brain swam with the irony of it. Doljen had given her reason to stop running from herself and her past at the very instant he was doing all in his power to escape his own life.

“You and Hal. What went down between you two?”

Tumsa shrugged. “All of it. We’d allowed Zakla to die. I’d said unforgivable things to my Nobek, as nasty as what I’d said to Doljen. We’d lost our Imdiko. Everything we’d had was blotted out. With nothing left except anger, hurt, and blame, we had one last ugly fight, then went our separate ways.”

After witnessing how they’d looked at each other, Bernadette wasn’t so sure the two men’s feelings for each other had been erased. Damaged, most certainly, perhaps beyond repair, but not gone.

She had a bigger priority, however. “I can’t believe Doljen vanished into thin air. Damn it, he’s somewhere. How am I supposed to find him if neither of you knows where he went?”

They were quiet, staring at food and coffee gone cold. Bernadette’s thoughts rattled in her head as if caged, but she couldn’t come up with an answer beyond knocking on every door on Kalquor and hoping for a miracle.

Unless Doljen makes contact with any of us himself, it’s hopeless.After years of silence, it was unlikely the runaway Imdiko would reach out.

Tumsa’s reluctant voice broke into her musings. “I might have an idea.”

“Of where to find him?”

“No. But there might be someone I’m acquainted with who has the resources to locate him. It’s a longshot. Probably no help at all.”

“A longshot is more than I have left.” She poured appeal. “Please, Tumsa. I have to speak to him. Even if it’s to close that chapter of my life for good, I have to see Doljen again.”

“When you had so little time with him? How could you fall that fast?” He didn’t sound accusing or look at her as if she was a lunatic. His interest was genuine.

He’d asked a reasonable question. It was also difficult to answer. “I doubt I can make you understand. I can barely explain to myself how a life’s worth of connection on an unfathomably deep level, at least on my side, was forged in the space of a couple of weeks. I’m well aware it sounds ridiculous.”

He considered her for another beat. The torment remained in his expression, but there was a note of understanding. “Doljen was special. He could make you feel like you’d been friends forever within a few hours.”

“My experience was a little different from yours.” She managed a wry smile. “But once the walls came down between us, yeah. I felt as if I could tell him everything. In fact, I did.”

They gazed at each other. A familiarity born of having a shared loved one spun a connecting web in the silence.

Tumsa drew a breath. “All right. Give me a day or two while I find out if there’s anything my friend can do.”

* * * *

Bernadette returned to theRogue. She was glad to there was no sign of Fod around the Adraf freighter in the next dock, but a couple members of his crew were there. A blond Adraf and buzzing Dantovonian stared at her as she neared the hatch of her ship. They smiled unpleasantly. The Nobeks who rounded out her security complement, Burken and Dakmo, were keeping an eye on them. They chorused a growled warning, but Fod’s pair continued to watch Bernadette.

“Assholes,” she muttered. Just inside the hatch, before she shut it, she turned and gave them a double-finger salute.

Normally, she wouldn’t have given them the satisfaction of a reaction. Tumsa’s lack of knowledge about Doljen’s whereaboutsand recitation of how his clan had fallen apart had been upsetting, and she was in a foul mood.

She met Kom on his way out. He appeared stormy too. “What? What happened?” she demanded.

“Nothing, yet. Your pal Hal is in a temper. He tried to pick a fight with Fod’s boys for no reason other than them eyeballing him. I told him to take an hour, put his fists through some walls, then patrol.”

---