Page 26 of Letters from the Heart

“Are you having a hard time talking about Darren?”

I brought my glass to my lips and sipped some of the wine, avoiding Ethan’s eyes. How was I supposed to answer that? Of course, I was. I’d now been without him longer than I’d been with him. I felt his hand on mine and I looked up to see him staring at me with kindness in his eyes.

“I know how hard it is,” he said, his voice low.

A tear escaped my eye, and I pulled my hand away to wipe my eyes before the tear ran down my cheek, causing my makeup to smear. “I’m sorry, this year is just harder than it ever has been. Tell me it gets easier.”

Ethan nodded. “It does. Hell, I still have those moments as well. Don’t think for a minute I don’t. I’ll get thinking about her, about what could have been, and then suddenly I’m pulled into that pit.”

“I’d never think that. You don’t seem to be that type of person.”

“I’m human. I think I just hide it better now.”

I nodded, again growing quiet.

“Can I tell you something I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned to another soul, not even to some of my most trusted and closest army buddies?” Ethan asked.

“Of course.”

“The reason I left for deployment and constantly re-enrolled was because I couldn’t look at Melinda. It took me a long time to get over the fact that it was like staring my wife in the face every time I looked at her. She is literally the spitting image of Polly. It’s taken me this long to come see my daughter, to be able to be around her. It sounds horrible, and it hurts my heart to admit that. I have so much time to make up for, I don’t know if it will be possible to do it. So, I understand what type of hardship speaking of Darren can be. Just know that I am still a safe place to talk, okay, even if we are sitting face-to-face instead of hiding behind a piece of paper. And know that if you can’t say something face-to-face, you can always write me an email.”

His words, his expression, the gentleness in his tone and eyes instantly won me over. I didn’t feel pressured, I didn’t feel forced, and I knew he was being sincere. He’d trusted me with a secret that he’d never told another soul. That spoke volumes.

“Thank you for trusting me with that. I’m glad you’re here, and I am glad that you are getting back on the road to building a relationship with your daughter.”

His eyes met mine, and he smiled. “Now, tell me, where is one able to buy a car around here? I can’t keep taking you out in my daughter’s car. That’s just ridiculous.” We both laughed. Then his expression grew serious. “If you want to go out with an older man like me again, that is.”

I couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t a secret Ethan was older than me by about fifteen years, although I didn’t feel that when I spoke with him. He seemed to be no older than me. “There’s a car lot out in Cedar Landing we could go to one day.”

“Perfect. So does that mean you’d like to go out with me again?”

“I say I’d be more than happy to go out with you again.”

“Perfect. Shall we?” he questioned, standing up and waiting for me to join him.

Ethan drove me home and surprised me by walking me to my door. He stood behind me, waiting, while I unlocked the front door, and then I turned to him.

“So, Sunday? Car shopping?”

“Sunday works.”

“Okay, I will pick you up in the morning. We will head into Cedar Landing and go to the used car lot there,” I said, shoving my keys back into my purse.

“Perfect, I can’t wait. Thank you for joining me tonight,” Ethan said, his voice low.

“You are welcome. I had a wonderful time, and I’m looking forward to the next.”

The words had just left my lips when Ethan leaned in, his cologne invading my senses, and placed a gentle kiss on my cheek. I felt my cheeks heat and knew as he pulled away, he would see that I was, in fact, blushing.

“Good night, Peggy. Sleep well,” he said, his hand still cupping my cheek.

“Good night.” I stood there, a little shocked at what had just happened, and watched as he walked down my driveway to his car. Moments later, he waved good-bye as he pulled out of the driveway.

I opened the door and shut it again as I stepped into the living room. I leaned up against it, locking it, and just stood there, letting the coolness of the old wood take the heat from my body. I could still smell his cologne as if he were right here.

As I stood there, my eyes closed, I wondered what it would have been like to have his lips on mine, kissing me. Was he a gentle kisser, or was he a demanding kisser? I let out the breath I was holding and opened my eyes, erasing those thoughts from my head. Then I hit the switch that shut the outside light off and made my way to my bedroom, where I got changed and crawled into bed. For the first time in years, I fell asleep to thoughts of a man who was not my husband.

ETHAN

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