Page 24 of Flirting with Sunshine

“I’ll see you later tonight, if that’s okay.”

“It is,” I said even though I knew I’d be exhausted.

There was no way I was letting this opportunity pass me by. I could have told him no, or blown him off, or maybe made him work a little harder, but playing games wasn’t really my style. And a part of me knew that Tony hadn’t intentionally been trying to hurt me; he simply didn’t know how to move on after what had happened with his wife.

He leaned down to give me another kiss, like we’d done it a million times before. Like we’d get to do it a million times more. “I really am sorry.”

“I know,” I said as my heart filled with empathy for him and all that he’d gone through alone.

“Don’t think I don’t know that you’re way too good for me,” he said.

I grabbed his arm when he went to pull away. My fingers gripped the tendons and held on tight, stopping him from leaving that way.

“We don’t know that for sure. Maybe you’re too good for me,” I offered with a laugh.

He shook his head. “We both know that’s not true.”

“You’re right. I’m definitely the good one. You’re the grumpy one.”

That got an actual laugh out of him. “I’ll see you tonight, Ava. And thank you.”

I squinted my eyes in confusion. “For what?”

“Giving me a chance,” he said before walking straight out the back door without looking back.

This version of Tony was a million times better than all the previous ones I’d met combined. I’d take it every day of the week, but I’d start with tonight.

TRYING TO MOVE FORWARD

TONY

I’d spent the last day and a half wallowing in a pit of despair. I’d been wrapped in memories of the past, trying to reconcile them in my head. I wanted to forgive myself for what had happened with Lydia that night, but I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that.

I had been the one driving. I’d taken my eyes off the road. Those were the facts. Yes, it had been an accident, but I was the one who had caused it. The biggest issue was the belief that I could have changed the outcome if I’d only done one thing differently. Lydia didn’t have to die. If only I hadn’t been staring at her, I could have seen the ice and avoided it—or at least slowed down.

I honestly didn’t know if that was true or not, but I’d been considering it for almost twenty-four hours straight. With one conversation about the accident, I’d been tossed back into a period of time where I was stuck, no longer moving forward, watching it all play out in my head on repeat.

If I couldn’t sort through all the guilt, how was I ever supposed to move on?

I also hated the termmove on, which was why I’d snapped when Ava said it the other night. It felt disrespectful. Like I was leaving Lydia behind and putting her away like she hadn’t mattered.

And she had mattered… so damn much. The woman had been my lifeline. Living without her at first had felt so impossible that I wasn’t sure how I’d do it.

You haven’t been living though, my thoughts reminded me.

They weren’t wrong. What I’d been doing since she had died didn’t really count aslivingby anyone’s standards. Existing, yes. Living, no.

I’m not here anymore, baby. It’s okay to let go.The voice spoke the words softly into my head, making me think I was losing my damn mind. I wasn’t sure if Lydia’s spirit was hanging out with me or if I was just imagining all the things that I needed to hear.

To be honest, I wasn’t any closer to an answer when it hit me that I wanted to at least try. Before Ava, I hadn’t wanted to do much of anything. She was a walking ray of sunshine, and a part of me couldn’t bear to pretend like there wasn’t something brewing between us. Not without a fight. Hell, not after that kiss.

Go tell her you’re sorry, the voice instructed. Lydia or my subconscious. It really didn’t matter which one it was because either was right.

Patting Barley’s head, I told him to be a good boy and that I’d be right back.

I didn’t even stop to check my reflection before going to Ava’s restaurant, and it was a good thing too. If I had seen my face, I wouldn’t have gone until I cleaned myself up, and honestly, I’d already wasted enough time.

Talking to Ava had gone better than I’d expected. If she had told me to get out and never come back, I would have listened and understood. But somewhere deep inside of me, I had known that she wouldn’t. Her heart was as big as they came, and for some reason I couldn’t explain, she was giving me a shot with it.

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