“Yeah. Hot. Successful. Kind of nice—when you’re not busy being a jerk.”
That made me laugh. And the laughter gave me a break from all the heaviness I had been spilling out to her. So, I did what I seemed to do best and changed the subject…again.
“Do you like any of the things on our date?”
“Wait, what?”
It was like I’d given her emotional whiplash, moving from one topic to another abruptly and without warning, but it was the only way I could refocus my own brain and get it back on track.
Otherwise, the next words out of my mouth were going to be me confessing to this woman that I was falling for her and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. But I was not in a good place to have her reject me, so I had to keep my mouth shut.
DESSERT FOR DINNER
APRIL
Robbie was a master subject changer. I was sure he thought he was slick about it, but he wasn’t. He was obvious. Getting a little uncomfortable or things getting a little too real… and cue the subject change.
I could have called him out on it, but he’d touched on something that I’d tried to ignore, something I’d done my best not to breathe much life into even though it had been simmering in the back of my mind since the night we had first met.
I had feelings for him.
And the way he had just opened up to me was like seeing him in a whole new light. A room filled with so much brightness that I needed to squint to look at him head-on. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling for him was truly real, had any kind of lasting potential, or if it was just a passing fancy brought on by what he’d just shared with me, but regardless, there were strong emotions bubbling just underneath the surface. If he scratched too hard, it would all come pouring out and drown us both.
“All the things that we’re supposed to do tonight—do you like any of them?” Robbie continued with the new topic of conversation, and I tried to keep up even though my mind kept replaying him saying how he felt used and unworthy of love.
This gorgeous man didn’t think he was worth loving.
“Oh.” I shook my head as it clicked into place what he was asking. “Well, I’m not opposed to Serendipity. This girl loves a good frozen hot chocolate. But I could really take or leave the rest. What about you?”
“Tavern seems a bit much. So serious, you know? I don’t ice-skate, and I really don’t want to. The last thing I need is to get hurt doing something like that and not be able to work while I recover. I’d be miserable.”
I hadn’t even thought about that before. The fact that, if he got hurt, it would stop him from helping others. If anything happened to me, I could still hobble into the office and sit behind my desk all day, making matches from the comfort of my oversize chair. My life wouldn’t change if I broke an ankle, but Robbie’s would be put on hold.
“That makes sense. I didn’t even think about that. Sorry.” I felt like a jerk for not even processing the severity of his job and how much it meant to him.
“Nothing to be sorry about. But, hey, I’m always down for dessert,” he said before he looked straight into my lap, and I felt myself flush.
Was he flirting? Was he not? I hated that I couldn’t tell.
I bit my bottom lip, taking it between my teeth as I smiled, deciding to push my luck. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
His face paled slightly but enough that I noticed. I felt stupid that he was definitely not thinking what I was, so I tried to recover and play it off.
“Dessert for dinner?” I asked, my tone insecure, my words a little shaky.
His face returned to its normal color. “I’m definitely down with that.”
“I’m a little overdressed.” I looked at my outfit before running a hand across my flat stomach. I’d barely eaten all day, knowing that I’d most likely overindulge this evening.
“You could take it off,” he blurted out, leaving me more confused than I had been seconds ago.
“Then, I wouldn’t be dressed at all,” I fired back, daring him to say more.
Had I misread all the signs I thought he’d been giving me since he’d stormed out of the limo and appeared at my side, all fire and lust in his eyes? The look on his face reminded me of our moment in the restroom the night of the auction. He had wanted me then. Before we were interrupted. I knew he had.
I was definitely rusty when it came to picking up on social cues when it came to myself. For other people, I could read them like a book regardless of how they tried to act or what words they said. But for me, it wasn’t as easy. I had no idea what Robbie was thinking, what he wanted, or how he felt about me.
“April…” Robbie said my name in a breath, forcing me to ignore my inner dialogue and give him my full attention.