Page 19 of Fools in Love

“Excuse me?”

“You want all of those things in the future because you haven’t met anyone who makes you want them now.”

April stayed quiet, her lips pulled together tight, and I wondered if I’d just ruined the whole evening before it even got to begin. “I never thought about it that way before.”

Start thinking about it, sweetheart, was what I wanted to say but didn’t.

Doing so would have forced us to delve into a conversation that I wasn’t sure I was ready to have or could admit to just yet. Our eyes were locked on to one another’s, both of us trying to read what the other one refused to say out loud. That there was something here between us.

“What about you, Mr. I Have Sex But I Don’t Date?”

I choked a little on the air around us. “What about me, what?”

“Haven’t met the right woman yet?”

“Not looking,” I lied because I was looking right fucking at her. And somewhere deep inside me, I knew it.

“Why not? Too many options for you to settle on just one?” She asked the question with a smile, but her tone bordered on disgusted.

April didn’t want my answer to be yes.

“I’m going to tell you something,” I said.

She sat up straighter as she gave me her full attention. “I’m ready.”

“I don’t think women like me very much.” It wasn’t what I’d meant to say or how I’d meant to say it, but it was what had come out when I opened my mouth.

April’s head tilted to one side, her eyes narrowing. “I thought you were going to be serious.”

“I am being serious.” I huffed out a breath. “The women I meet…” I stopped for a second. “They don’t care about me. They want to screw the hot fireman from the calendar and never talk to me again.” I tried to sound as matter-of-fact as possible, without any emotion, but I wasn’t sure I’d succeeded.

Searching April’s face for any signs of understanding, I waited for her to say something… anything that might make me feel a little less tore open and vulnerable.

“What calendar?” she asked, and I instantly regretted bringing it up.

The damn thing had ruined me and turned me into the kind of guy whocomplainedabout getting laid.

“You know, the yearly firemen calendar? It’s a fundraiser.”

She shook her head. “Ohhh, yeah. I mean, I’ve never seen one, but I’ve heard about them. So, you were in it?”

“I was in it. On the cover actually.”

“And the women…” she started to say, but her upper lip curled up into a small snarl that was downright adorable. “What did they do?”

I could tell by April’s tone that she didn’t like this part of my story. Her arms tensed as she braced for my answer, her hands making little fists, like she wanted to fight for my honor. She hated that I felt mistreated. Even if she never admitted it, her body language gave her away.

“Chased me. Reached out to me in every possible way. At first, it was flattering. I thought I might actually meet someone and fall in love, but I learned pretty quickly that it wasn’t going to be like that. All the DMs, the comments on my social media accounts, the calls to the firehouse—they were all just looking to hook up. Nothing more. No one wanted to go on an actual date or get to know me. They literally just wanted to have sex.”

“I’m sorry.” She put up a hand with an awkward grin on her face. “It’s just that I’ve never heard a guy talk like this before. Actually complain about women just wanting sex with them instead of a relationship.”

I groaned. “I know. Trust me, I know. Do you have any idea how shitty it feels to be used? Like you’re not worthy of actual love?”

It was a question I hadn’t meant to ask. It was more rhetorical than anything else, but she opened her mouth to answer anyway.

“Of course I know what it’s like to feel used. I’m a woman. The shoe is usually on our foot.” She was stating the obvious. “But it’s kind of refreshing to hear someone like you say all of that.”

“Someone like me?”

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