Page 18 of Fools in Love

“Yeah, I guess you didn’t. I just assumed. Sorry, that was stupid. Of course you could have sex without dating.” She started talking fast, her words spilling out as quickly as the thoughts came to her head.

“And you?” I turned the tables.

That topic was a little too uncomfortable for me. The number of women I’d slept with over the years and never talked to again wasn’t something I was proud of…anymore. It used to seem so cool, being the guy who could get any girl into bed. I’d worn it like a badge of honor, like I possessed some sort of magical power that no other guy could even come close to.

It wasn’t cool anymore.

I wasn’t proud.

And the worst part was, I couldn’t take any of it back or make the number of sexual partners I’d had in my past go down. I only hoped April didn’t ask for the number because I really didn’t want to lie to her.

“I don’t date,” she said before adding, “And I don’t usually have sex with random guys.”

“You don’t date? Why?” My curiosity was definitely piqued with this woman.

She was completely different than I’d thought she’d be. Her being at the bachelor auction had soured me toward her instantly. And I didn’t really believe her when she said she’d only gone as a favor to Sheila. At the time, it didn’t make any sense. I’d assumed that April was just like every other woman I’d met, looking for a fling, a one-night stand, or a hot guy to fuck and tell her friends about.

“I’m just really busy, you know? I’ve made work my priority for the time being.”

“So, you help everyone else find love, except yourself. Is that what I’m hearing?” I was only joking, but I seemed to hit some sort of nerve.

The smile on her face dropped, and her eyes looked everywhere, except at mine, as her body stiffened. I wasn’t even sure she knew how tense she’d just become.

“Why does everyone always say that?”

I reached out, my hand touching hers. I figured she’d pull it away, but she didn’t.

“Hey. Look at me.” I tried to sound comforting, but she refused to listen. “Look at me,” I said even more stern this time.

Eventually, those hazel irises looked up and right into my soul.

“I was only joking. It’s okay with me if you want to work and find love later. I get it.”

“Sorry. It’s just that I hear that a lot, and it’s so frustrating.” She pulled her hand away from mine, and it took all of my willpower not to take it right back.

It wasmyhand now.

“Which part?”

“Huh?”

“Which part is frustrating?” I asked, hoping she’d clarify and give me another glimpse into her personality, which I was enjoying more than I’d expected to.

Her body visibly started to relax, and I felt myself exhale with relief. For some reason, I hated seeing her so upset. All I wanted to do was fix it.

“It’s like no one believes me when I say that I’m not lonely. Or that I’m not looking for love. Or that I’m completely satisfied with my job,” she explained, her chest heaving with each breath she took. “Why can’t I be happy, just working? I’m the most successful matchmaker in Manhattan. That’s a huge accomplishment. I’ve continued to build this incredible business. But that’s not enough. I think it’s because I’m a woman, so people expect me to want more.”

I shook my head slowly as her thoughts soaked into my mind, and I felt like I understood her. “I think you’re right.”

She let out a fake laugh. “About what?”

“It’s totally because you’re a woman. We’ve been conditioned since birth, you know? You’re not allowed to be successfuland notwant a family.” I spoke the words like it was the most asinine thought in the world… because it kind of was. All outdated and old-fashioned.

“I do want a family though. I want a husband. Kids. All of it.” She spoke softly. Her hand moved to rest on my thigh, and I tried to stay focused on what she was saying instead of where she was touching me. “Just not yet.”

In that moment, a thought hit me so hard that it was almost violent. I knew that the message was as much for me as it was for her, hence the gravity of it.

“Because you haven’t met the right person yet,” I whispered, almost to myself, but she heard me.

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