Page 24 of There I Find Rest

“I know we’re not talking about marriage, but I guess I just trusted people and got burned. I prefer not to have that happen again.”

“I wasn’t thinking of a partnership. Not really. I was just thinking of helping you however I can.”

“Why?” She tilted her head and looked at him. That’s what she didn’t understand. Why he was here to begin with. Surely he knew that Iva May was her mother when he rented the house. Why? There were millions of houses in the state of Michigan, and lots were along the shores of Lake Michigan. Why had he rented this one?

And why was he helping her now?

It just seemed too...coincidental for it to be for real.

“I don’t think you’re ready for the answer for that,” he finally said, after staring at the horizon for several long minutes.

That didn’t help at all, and she had no idea what that meant.

“But if you’re willing to accept my help, I’m willing to give it. Want to.”

“I’m willing. But I think I need a nap now. Could we...start tomorrow?”

“Let’s do that. Do you know anything about the stable?”

“I haven’t even been in it. Other than seeing you there today.” She still felt bad that he was living above the stable, but there was no solution to that problem, other than her moving out or them getting married, neither of which was a viable solution for her.

“All right. Then let’s plan on looking over what we have tomorrow morning, and then we’ll sit down and draw up some ideas. Then, Sunday, if it suits Griff’s friend George, we’ll go see some horses. Does that sound good?”

“It does.” She nodded decisively. He hadn’t gotten offended when she stiff-armed him, making sure they kept the distance between them that she needed for them to have.

She appreciated that. Probably more than she could articulate even though she didn’t really want there to be distance between them. Which totally contradicted everything she had been thinking, but it was the truth too.

She wished that wasn’t so much a part of her makeup, but it was, sometimes wanting two totally contradictory things. She supposed maybe that was part of being a woman, because men didn’t typically seem to have that problem, but she wasn’t sure what to do about it. She didn’t want to use her weakness as an excuse.

Davis walked her to her door, opening it before she had a chance to do it herself.

She tried not to be charmed, but she was. It was...unexpected and sweet. There hadn’t been too much sweetness in her life, not from men.

“Thank you,” she said, trying not to let him see how much he disarmed her by his gallant gesture. Surely she was too old to be influenced by a little bit of charm and a handsome man’s attention.

“My pleasure,” he said, and the words shivered down her backbone. She tried to push the feeling away. She didn’t want shivery words, or surface charm, or a man’s attention which only faded when he found something, or someone, newer and better.

She’d been there, she’d done that, and she wanted to do something different with the rest of her life.

Except... Daviswasdifferent.

“See you tomorrow,” she said, putting her purse over her shoulder and walking into her house. She didn’t invite him in and didn’t turn to see if he went to the stable after he shut her door. She felt bad enough as it was. There were three bedrooms in her house, and she was just being stubborn by not letting him in. But she didn’t want to go there. Didn’t even want to give the appearance of evil. That’s what the Bible said, and she had determined that she would live according to God’s rules, not man’s. Most of the people she knew would scoff at the idea of balking the way she was, but most of the people she knew didn’t take the Bible seriously either.

She decided, after doing some research, that there truly was a God, and that He loved her and cared for her, and that He’d written the Bible.

If she believed that, if she believed that Jesus was the atonement for sin, the son of God sent as a sacrifice for all mankind, she couldn’t continue to live like it didn’t matter.

Maybe this new baby, she put her hand on her stomach as she put her purse on the table, maybe this new baby was her chance to do things over.

Thinking about that, she kicked her shoes off and dialed Alyssa’s number.

She missed her daughter and wished there was something she could do for her. Even while she knew that like Kim, Alyssa was going to need to make her own mistakes. Unfortunately, Kim couldn’t shake the idea that Alyssa was making mistakes that could have been avoided if Kim had avoided mistakes in her own life. Those were the worst mistakes to watch your child make. The ones that you knew were your fault.

Holding her phone to her ear, she settled on the couch, propping her feet up. Noting that her ankles were slightly swollen. Remembering how tired she had been with her first pregnancy and feeling that same bone-deep exhaustion.

The phone rang, and rang and rang, and she’d about given up on the idea Alyssa was going to answer when she heard a groggy voice on the other end of the line, “Hello?”

Not Alyssa’s voice. It was a man.

---