Page 53 of The Amazing Date

“She has no idea what she’s missing out on.” His words cause a laugh to bubble out from my chest. My hand moves on its own, landing high on his thigh. I freeze but don’t remove it.

“I don’t care about yesterday.” His eyes darken, and the corners tighten in concentration. “I don’t care about tomorrow.” His index finger traces up my arm from my elbow to my shoulder, the affectionate stroke leaving a path of desire in its wake. “I care about you, Rylee. I care about this moment. It’s about time I’ve told you. That I show you.

“I didn’t give you a five-star hotel, a six-course meal, or a certified masseuse, but I can give you a morning that will be better than all of those things.”

My head shakes as tears fill my eyes. I stare into the eyes of the man who has haunted my dreams and nightmares for four long years as he says the words I never thought I would ever hear.

“I can give you me. You are wanted, you are desired, you are needed.” His words are foreign. No one has ever said them to me. No one has ever made me feel them. Tears cloud my vision as his face fades into a blur of colors, yet his words continue to repair my heart. “Will you have me?” His warm hand cups my face. Through tear-filled eyes, I know he is staring at me, waiting for me. Wanting to know my decision.

Four years ago, there wouldn’t have been a second of hesitancy. Four years ago, I lived on impulse and reaction. Even though my heart wants to say yes, my head hesitates.

“What are you asking?” The foreign words slip out to buy me time to figure out what is going on, suppressing the words on the tip of my tongue Yes, Roberto, I want you. I’ve always needed you.

“I’m asking you not to think but to feel. Not to overanalyze but to react. To live in this moment with me, tomorrow be damned.” His voice fills with need and nervousness. This is so unlike him; this is not the carefully cautious Roberto who is the protector of everyone and everything, including his own heart.

This is me. At least the old me. This is an impulsive, live-for-the-moment type of move I was known for before I realized that as exhilarating as impulse and desire are, there can be a downside.

He’s asking me to not think, and that’s all I can do. I think of all the pain I’ve caused. All the heartache I’ve caused. I think of all the work I’ve done since Puerto Rico. The checklists, the planning, the preparation. How I’ve broken down every aspect of my life and have redefined it. Every action needing to be thoughtful and planned in order to march toward a goal. Fear controlling my life. The fear of messing up again. The fear of my carefree actions leaving a wake of destruction behind.

Then I think of my life. What have the checklists gotten me? I’m not the top account manager at KLC Media. I wasn’t selected for the ballet account. I’m not hanging out with NYC’s elite, sleeping with famous models or even a Broadway star’s understudy. I’m not leading my best life but am deferring years in hope the future is better. Maybe it will be, but why the hell can’t I enjoy the moments along the way too?

He’s not promising me a tomorrow. He said he doesn’t care about our yesterdays. He’s only offering today. Who am I to turn down a day of happiness?

“Tomorrow be damned,” I whisper, knowing it risks a planned future. Knowing I’m giving this man a get-out-of-jail-free card to my heart.

Yes, I once lived fast and loose with no thoughts of consequences, but back in Puerto Rico when I broke his hand and he abandoned me, it did something to me I never expected. It also broke my heart. And it never recovered. By offering him this free pass without commitment, I know it never will. I’m ignoring the pretense of a future; our only commitment is today.

It’s a move I thought I stopped doing. One that often led to a strange man crawling out of my bed in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again. Roberto has claimed he is not that guy, and maybe he will prove me wrong, but he’s discarded me once before. Left me on a foreign island without so much as a goodbye.

Yet, here we are once again. I’m not only accepting him in my arms, in my bed, in my heart, but I’ve given him a free pass to walk away once this is over.

Is my desire for this man so overpowering I forget everything? That I’m willing to take him on these terms? I lean into his kiss, the swirl of his fragrance clouding my head, forcing me to forget the questions that seemed so important seconds ago.

I breathe in and focus on the moment. On the man.

Tomorrow be damned.

Chapter 32

Roberto

The greatest moments in life are rarely planned. I’ve been unable to suppress the smile on my face for the last thirty minutes as I replay this morning over and over in my head.

Gabby’s words haunted my fitful sleep, her courage to decide to quit her job and chase her happiness paling in comparison to the challenge in front of me: to let Rylee know I have feelings for her.

When I returned to the hotel room last night, she was sleeping like an angel. A beautiful angel who I didn’t dare disturb. With a small, pleasant smile on her face, I pictured her dreaming about us.

I drifted to sleep staring at her, only to rise at five in the morning with an overpowering need. A need to talk to her, a need to hold her, a need to share and connect. Not willing to wake her, enamored by her peaceful sleep and beauty, I did what I always did when inspired: I drew.

That simple act, that simple pleasure, lowered so many barriers for me. Drawing someone I have an emotional connection with is almost always one of my most pleasurable acts. The more I drew, the more I realized how much I missed drawing things that inspired me. Not commissioned portraits of rich people who could hire the work out to anyone. Sketching Rylee’s unique curves and spirit brought me back to Puerto Rico and our first kiss, our first dance, our first everything. It was the last time I felt free, so unencumbered with the restrictions I’ve placed on my life. It was like jumping into the deep ocean without a vest; it was like sliding off a waterfall, not knowing what lies beneath. That crazy rush of the unexpected, yet knowing an unforgettable joy awaits on the other side.

When her alarm rang and her eyes opened, I knew it was time. In a million years, I never would have pictured Rylee and me making love in a Motel 6. Gun to head, I would have selected dirty alleyway outside a bar before selecting a Motel 6. Rylee always has me crossing lines I never thought I would. Making love in Fort Capron is high on that list. At least I had the presence of mind to move up the time on her alarm and give us ample time to enjoy the moment.

We had sufficient time to cuddle and whisper into one another’s ear for half an hour before she rose and disappeared into the bathroom. I’ll never forget the look of excitement and wonderment on her face when she raced out the bathroom dripping wet, smile on her face, pen back in her hand as she scribbled two more entries into her notebook. She then grabbed me by my hand and pulled me into the bathroom, leading me to the shower, where we made love once again, two more items checked off.

By the time we left the hotel room in disarray, Rylee had filled three pages of her notebook.

I don’t even realize I’m holding Rylee’s hand as we approach the race mat, but Ronnie does. “Looks like we weren’t the only ones getting busy last night,” he says to his wife, nodding in our direction.

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