Page 16 of Gingerbread Hearts

I’ve always wanted to be partner at my firm, but as I stare at Violet across the tiny table with candles in between us, being with her feels as important. The waiter comes to take our drink order and Violet pulls her hand out from mine to quickly look over the menu again. We order wine and some starters.

“Tell me about your grandmother’s big holiday party plans,” Violet says as she sips her merlot and leans in, elbows on the table. “I’ve never been, only supplied the special cookies.”

“The whole house, inside and out, is decorated. Lights and wreaths everywhere. We have several Christmas trees of varying heights throughout the house. Lots of cocktails, delicious food, good conversation, and someone always sings carols.”

“Always?” Her smile spreads, her rosy cheeks flushed from either the wine or the warmth of the candles.

“Of course.” I continue on, “it’s a party full of people looking to get away from the city and relax. Everyone sings.”

Violet is about to say something else but my phone rings. I check and it’s from a boss, so I apologize to Violet and excuse myself for a moment. After answering a few quick questions, I return to the table. But the atmosphere is different.

She’s now seated more in her chair rather than leaning towards me. The flirty tone is gone. When I ask about her day and the bakery her answers are short. We eat our main courses in almost silence. I don’t know what changed. I wasn’t gone very long. We both decline dessert when the waiter comes, and I offer to pay for dinner.

After we’re situated in the car, I don’t even ask where to go. I just drive her home. A few moments of silence stretch between us. I’m not sure what to ask, but before I can turn the radio on, Violet speaks.

“When I was in college, I thought I had met the love of my life,” she almost whispers. I wait for her to continue. “He was charming, thoughtful, and I thought we were meant to be. I thought I had it all. I was young, living in the big city far from home, and in love.”

“What happened?” I ask, unsure if I want to know the answer. We’re at her house now. I turn the car off, both of us sitting there in the darkness. The silence heavy as I wait for her to reply.

“He chose his career,” she grits out, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Oh, Violet, that sucks.” I reach out to pat her shoulder. She’s like stone beneath my touch. “I’m sorry.” Genuine with my words despite their simplicity.

“I’m happy here. I like living in Kastle Harbor. I like my little cottage home and my job.”

“But?” I ask, looking into her eyes, waiting for the words that could change our futures.

“There’s no ‘but’, Jake. I don’t plan on leaving,” she states. “I thought maybe I’d talk to you about this,” she gestures between us, “whatever this is and seeing what happens. And as much as I would love to see you all the time, I need you to know right now that I won’t be moving.”

THIRTEEN

VIOLET

I wait as Jake sits next to me in the cold, dark car. With the streetlights the only light source, I can barely see his stoic features. After he took that phone call during dinner, I had a glimpse of what our future might be like. Full of Jake leaving in the middle of important dates and events. How I would have to keep weird hours or sacrifice being my authentic self to instead mold myself into his world.

I won’t do it. Despite these crazy feelings I have for him. This connection that keeps pulling me closer towards the fire. Our fates seemingly being intertwined with every meeting and conversation.

I come first. Period.

“You never plan on leaving?” Jake finally states, his words fall flat between us. I can feel his stare.

I turn to hold his eyes, before replying. “No, I don’t. Kastle Harbor is my home, and I don’t intend on leaving for more than a vacation.” I can feel the tension as I emphasize my stand on where I choose to live.

“But Violet,” he sounds exasperated, “you can do so much better than Kastle Harbor.”

Words have never hurt me so much as these. I don’t know if it’s the words or the way Jake is fumbling to explain himself further. I know what he means. I’ve heard it before. My teachers unsure of why I moved back instead of staying in New York or heading out to Los Angeles like the other graduates. From distanced family confused as to my life’s direction, or so-called lack thereof.

But why does it hurt me so much now?

“Jake.” My words are soft as I try to contain the rage slowly bubbling to the surface. “It’s what I want in life. We’re not all cogs in the busy city life machine like you.”

Jake’s features twist into annoyance, perhaps even anger.

“Is that all you think of me?” The upset and irritation both in his words and face.

“All you care about is making partner. More work, more money, more status.” My voice rises in the small, confined space. “More of everything in a place I have no desire to be.” I enunciate each word to a sharp point.

I don’t know what will happen between us. I was willing to sacrifice my normal, comfortable life for extended visits. For weekends, or any chunk of days, to be spent with Jake. Now? I’m stubborn to my core after he’s cracked my heart.

---