But however it happens, losing a mother is terrible, and I don’t wish that on anyone but especially not such a young child.
Cruz gives me a warm look, his gaze sad but grateful. “Yeah. He could really use stability right now and the rotating cast of babysitters just isn’t working out. We want to give him the best. But with our schedules…”
“Of course, no, definitely. I get it. I’m just—you only just met me.” I gesture at myself and at my car. “You just found out I’m…” I can’t say it. “Are you really sure you want to put me in charge of your kid?”
“Well, do you have experience with kids?”
“A lot, actually,” I admit. “I lived with my grandmother and I did a lot of babysitting. Parents could bring their kids over to our place, so it was a way for me to make money without leaving her while she was sick.”
“I’m sorry to hear she was ill.”
“Yeah, it was. It’s been a few years now since I lost her.”
“Oh, fuck, I’m—”
“No, no, please, I’m okay.” I smile. “I promise, I’m okay.”
“Still.” Cruz smiles sadly back at me. “I really am sorry for your loss. Even if it’s been a bit, that doesn’t mean you stop missing them.”
“Thank you.” He’s so confident and earnest. It makes me feel safe in a way I haven’t since my mom walked out and Grandma swooped in to take care of me. She made me feel safe too, in a different way.
Losing her really did hurt, but in a horrible way it was a relief. I didn’t have to wait for the inevitable anymore while the medical bills piled up.
“You looked after her?” Cruz asks.
“Yeah, she got cancer. It was a long battle, so I took care of her. I couldn’t afford a live-in nurse, which was what she needed, so… I took over.”
“That sounds like it would’ve been a challenge. Honestly, to me, Lily, you sound perfect for the job. You have experience with kids and with caring for someone with special needs, I don’t see why that wouldn’t translate to being a nanny. And…”
Cruz shrugs, his eyes warm and kind. “Maybe this is too personal but I appreciate Ben having someone who understands loss and grief that way. He’s really young, so it’s hard to tell how much it’s affected him right now, but Knox has been worried. We all have.”
“You still only just met me,” I point out. “I could be lying.”
“True. We can run a background check and all of that. It’d be irresponsible not to and if it’ll help you feel better about the offer…”
“It would. Please.” I don’t like relying on charity and especially not when it means I’m invading someone’s home and family life.
“Great. I’ll drive you over, if you want, and you can meet the guys and Benjamin, see how we all get along?”
I don’t have anything else to do. I was going to head to the library to use the computers for more job searching. I’ve been spending all day there, enjoying the air conditioning, the free romance novels, and the internet with ports to charge my phone.
But if this offer ends up being real…
“Okay,” I say. “If you’re really sure.”
“I am. Let’s get your groceries out of the car, we can keep them in our kitchen in the meantime.”
I chose non-perishable foods, but it is best that they’re not in a hot car. I take them out and let Cruz get me back into his car. “You’re allowed to tell me no, by the way,” I inform him as we drive off. “I don’t want you to think you’re stuck with me now.”
“No, I know. We’ll have to see how the rest of my pack likes you, and Ben of course, he’s the most important.” Cruz might not be Ben’s biological father, but the love and warmth in his voice when he mentions the kid is truly parental. It warms my heart in response.
Cruz heads directly for the uptown part of the city, way out of my price range. I try not to stare wide-eyed out the window as we get into fancier and fancier neighborhoods, everything from the parks to the grocery stores becoming nicer.
“Was it your grandmother’s death that led to… your situation?” Cruz asks. I appreciate that he’s trying to ask me questions without being inconsiderate.
“No. I mean, in a way. She died years ago, but the medical debt I took on didn’t go away with her. Since then I’ve been struggling with minimum wage jobs. I wasn’t able to go to college because I was taking care of her and a lot of places that pay better require a four-year degree, or even just an associate’s two-year degree, and I couldn’t balance community college with work hours, not enough to make ends meet.”
Cruz looks angry on my behalf even as he stares out at the road. “You deserve better.”