Page 36 of Surrender

I should have kept the other one. He was the good one. You’re just a fucking disgrace.

“Fuck off!” I shout, writhing harder. “Just hit me like you want to! Stop—”

Stop lying to me. Stop making me feel things.

“I don’t want to hit you,” Cristiano says, and his voice is quiet, sad somehow. “I don’t want to bring you any pain that doesn’t feel pleasurable, too.”

“Then fucking shut up!” I shout, angry that he ruined a perfectly good evening, angry that he’s not fucking me, angry that he isn’t letting me just forget everything else. “What do you want?” I laugh hysterically and sarcastically add, “Please, Daddy, I’ll give you whatever you want, just stop talking!”

“Oh, Fox,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss the top of my spine. “Fox, Fox, Fox… I just want to find out everything about you and tell you all the good things all the time until you start believing them. I want you to realize you’re worth more than just being fucked and used and… beaten.”

But I’m not.

I shake my head frantically and blink rapidly, trying to drive off the strange burn in my eyes. “Stop. Please. Daddy, please stop,” I beg more desperately. “I don’t want to hear this.”

Cristiano kisses down my spine, his breathing getting more ragged. “Do you know how beautiful you sound when you beg?” he murmurs. “I could just… listen to that forever. For you to beg for me to stop, to keep going…” He laughs, and the sound is a little dark. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m not one of those good doms I want to be.”

“I’m begging now.” My voice is ragged. “You can do all sorts of things to me. Fuck me dry, spit on me, piss in me—I don’t care, as long as it’s not…”

I’m not good.

If I were good, I wouldn’t be here now.

If I were good, Corbin wouldn’t have punished me as much as he did.

If I were good, there wouldn’t have been a red painting on my kitchen floor.

“As long as it’s not what, Fox?” Cristiano asks, his voice impossibly gentle. “As long as it’s not kind? As long as I’m not telling you these good things about yourself?”

“They’re lies,” I sob, and more sweat drips down my cheeks. I bury my head in the pillow to wipe it away. “Let me go. Please. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“Shh,” he says, stroking my hair. “Shh, Fox. Shh. It’s all right. It’s all right. You can cry, but those things… they’re true. I’ve said nothing that’s not true. You just may not be able to see it that way.”

“I’m not…” I inhale sharply. “I’m not crying.”

Fuck. Just like I didn’t cry the other day. I’d been trying to forget about it.

I shake my head to dislodge his hand, but he keeps petting me softly.

“Do you still want me to fuck you, Fox?” Cristiano murmurs, nipping my back before lifting his head up again.

I sob pathetically. “I don’t know, Daddy,” I answer plaintively. I do know that I want him to shut up, but I don’t want him to leave, and I definitely don’t want to be alone.

He gets up, and I’m terrified he’s going to go for the door. Before I can choke out a single word, though, he goes to the bedside table and pulls out… a bottle of lube.

He squirts it into his hand, and I want to cry even harder from sheer relief. This… This I can handle. I’m familiar with this. I want this.

But instead of just lubing up his hard cock and drilling it into me, he comes back to sit next to me. One hand spreads my ass cheeks, while the other dips slowly into my hole.

“Please,” I beg, trying to spread my legs but too exhausted to get anywhere. “I don’t… I don’t need prep.”

“You do,” he counters. “I don’t want to hurt you. Not like that. I want you to feel things differently.” He sighs. “I think you need to feel things differently.”

I don’t. I just need to get pounded, and to lose myself in the pain and the sensations. But I can’t do anything anymore except lie there and take it. I let out a pathetic moan as he fingers me gently and massages my prostate, my cock suddenly stirring and attempting to get hard in the cock cage.

“How does that feel?” he murmurs. “Should I take the cage off and let you really feel it? Or do you think you need to be denied?” He slides his other hand around me despite his words, cupping the cage in his broad hand.

I sob and shake my head. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

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