Page 64 of It's Just You

18

Kane

To saythings were tense at home would’ve been an understatement. You could probably cut that tension with a knife, though I wouldn’t trust Sam with one right now. We were both still pretty pissed, but then, everyone in the house was for one reason or another.

While he’d flat out told me that he intended to step up and help me with Dad, which he then told Dad in no uncertain terms, he refused to even broach the subject of me being with Finn. No matter how I wanted to define my relationship with Finn, Sam wasn’t interested in talking about it.

Despite the fact that everyone was moody, I still sat in the living room to watch TV instead of retreating to my room alone. My thoughts kept drifting, though, back to Finn. Always back to Finn. Of all the people I could fall for, of course it had to be one of my brother’s best friends. But seeing him, knowing him, it was just… How could I not fall in love with Finn?

As terrifying as it was, I was pretty sure it was love. I’d never been there before, but I couldn’t deny how it felt. It was this steady emotion, this all-consuming need to be with him, and it ate me from the inside out when I thought about being apart from him.

It didn’t matter as much whether I was demisexual, even if I still liked having a way to describe myself that others could at least begin to understand. I needed that connection to be with someone, and boy, did I feel that connection with Finn.

I wanted to be with him in ways I’d never even thought possible, wanted to explore what I’d missed out on, and just… Well, I wanted Finn. The closeness and connection I felt with him, the way he’d held me this afternoon and the way he’d been there when he hadn’t had to, it had all blown my mind. It had made me realize just how fucking hard I’d fallen for him.

It didn’t matter that I’d never wanted someone quite this way before. I knew Finn was the right person to be my first in a lot of things. My first love, my first guy, my first in all sorts of sexual activities I was sure he was going to teach me… Fuck, I had it bad.

While I believed — or wanted to believe — he felt the same, I couldn’t be sure at all. I might be setting myself up to get my heart broken once his summer break was over with. I was willing to risk it because I couldn’t see any other options. I wanted him, and I wanted to build what we were creating into something lasting. Yet if we only had a few more weeks together, I wanted to explore what we could be, what we could have. I wanted to be with him in every way possible, and I would damn well make it work.

“Can I talk to you?”

I jumped, my dad’s voice interrupting my thoughts. Slowly, I turned my head, blinking to clear my head. I would’ve liked to have stayed there a while longer, thinking about Finn, but this was my dad. “Sure.”

“I wanted to apologize.” He sat down slowly, gingerly, every movement painful to even watch.

“Why?” I turned toward him, looking at him. The shadows around his eyes seemed to be even deeper than usual. I knew what he was talking about, and I absolutely refused to apologize to him for spilling the beans to Sam. I was sorry it had come out the way it had and that anyone had been hurt, but it wasn’t my fault I’d been under so much pressure that I’d finally exploded.

“Because of everything that happened. We got a chance to talk in the car, but then… Everything blew up. I wanted to apologize for putting you in this position, where you had to hide my condition from Sam. And I’ve told you before, I regret that you had to drop out of college. Sam… Let’s just say we had a rather difficult discussion, and he told me just what he thought of my decision to keep it a secret.” My father winced. “He wasn’t happy with how we’d handled things.”

I hid my smile. I could only imagine how that must’ve gone over. I was just wondering why I hadn’t heard him yelling. Maybe I’d been too preoccupied with Finn. “There’s no need to apologize, Dad. We both know it wasn’t done to harm me. It was all necessary. If anything, I should be sorry I told Sam, but we… Well, things got out of hand.”

Dad nodded and placed a thin hand on my thigh. “Yeah, I gathered as much. He’s still mad at you, from what he said. Something about Finn, if I’m not mistaken?” The knowing expression he wore told me just how much he actually understood, but he was still going to make me say it aloud.

Not that there was anything wrong with it. I’d tell my parents about anyone I was dating, male or female. It didn’t feel as much like coming out as it did simply telling them something they hadn’t already known. They were so open-minded that there wasn’t even a closet to try to hide in. It just wasn’t necessary.

“Finn and I are together. A couple. It just happened, and now… Sam is furious.” I took a deep breath. “I never meant to hurt him, obviously, but then, I never expected to have feelings for Finn. But I do, and he does too. Sam just caught us today when Finn was comforting me. Everything we found out… It hit me hard, and I just needed him. Sam blew up. I get it, I guess, but I just blurted everything out.” I averted my eyes, suddenly ashamed of how carried away I’d gotten.

“It’s okay. First of all, I’m really happy for you and Finn. He’s a good boy, from what I’ve seen. And, of course, he has the best man he could get.”

“Daaaaad!” I groaned. “Don’t start with the birds and the bees now, okay?”

“I guess it would just have to be birds, in your—”

“Oh, come on.” My face was burning with embarrassment.

“I’m only teasing. I’m happy for you. You really deserve to have someone in your life. Though obviously my jokes aren’t welcome,” he teased.

I glared at him, and he turned sober again.

“They might be, eventually, but it’s just so new.” My expression softened. “Thank you, though, for accepting it. Us.”

“There’s nothing to accept, and you know it.” Suddenly, his voice grew harder. “You might run into idiots who will bother you for being gay, but not here. Never here.”

I didn’t think it was the right moment to explain that I wasn’t technically gay, so I only told him, “Thank you, Dad. It means a lot to me. I knew you’d say that all along, but it’s still good to hear it.”

“You’re welcome. I just ruined your tearful coming out story now, I guess.”

I snorted. “Seriously. You’re in way too good of a mood today.”

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