Page 42 of It's Just You

12

Kane

Confused didn’t even beginto cover my emotions. I was completely lost.

Finn had taken up a place in my thoughts and refused to let go. Whatever the fuck it was with him, I couldn’t get rid of the images I got when I thought about him. The worst part was that I kind of wanted him.

Well. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel him against me. I wanted to be close to him. It didn’t make any sense. I’d never felt like that before, never wanted it, and to feel that with a guy… That made it even more confusing.

Somehow, there was some kind of joke centering around me being attracted to the same guy I’d dismissed at the bar that night.

Now, though, I wanted him, but something was bothering him. I didn’t know if I’d offended or insulted him, and I didn’t have any friends I could work this out with. Sam would have a total heart attack if I even mentioned wanting Finn, either because he’d laugh his ass off or he just got pissed off. It wasn’t like I was going to tell my other friends or colleagues that I had limited experience and had gotten attached to someone for the first time. No way.

I’d end up as the laughingstock of the gym. Well, probably not, but I’d steered clear of all kinds of personal discussions for the past few years, and now wasn’t a great time to start trying to open up to anyone.

So that left me with exactly… nothing.

I could always ask the internet, though.

“Are you going to spot me or wait until I kill myself?”

I focused back on my client, Marc, who fortunately sounded like he wasn’t upset.

“I’m sorry! I got totally lost in thought. Won’t happen again,” I promised.

He smirked at me. “At least tell me it was a good daydream.”

I laughed. “Don’t you just wish I’d tell you all about it. Come on. Let’s do those weights.” At least he couldn’t do that and talk at the same time.

“Cruel. Anyway, spot me?”

“Of course.” I took my place behind the bench. “Come on. You can do ten?”

Marc nodded, now completely concentrating on his workout. “Ready?”

“Yes.”

With that, I pushed every thought of Finn out of my mind, instead watching Marc sweat and grunt. He was a nice guy, having been coming here for longer than I’d been working here.

Since I had to keep a close eye on him, I couldn’t help but notice how his body moved and tightened when he lifted. The t-shirt that clung to his body left nothing to the imagination, but while I technically knew on some level he would be considered attractive, I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn’t want to hug him, kiss him, feel him against me… let alone have sex.

There wasn’t anything at all.

So it was just Finn.

I didn’t let my eyes wander too much, and while my mind wandered a little, I was careful not to get lost in thought again. I’d never really noticed my lack of attraction to anyone. I guessed I couldn’t really miss something I hadn’t realized I was missing, but now, I was aware of it.

How could I have gone all this time without realizing something so basic? Could I have been that blind, or that stupid, or whatever? I felt like I’d been missing the obvious, and apparently, I was just that oblivious.

Now I needed to make it through work, see what I needed to help Dad with when I got home, then do some research.

Marc had finished his set, and he sat up. “Thanks for not letting me die.”

I laughed and bowed deeply. “My pleasure, sir.”

Marc joined in my laughter and grabbed his towel, wiping off his face. He started to remove the weights from the bar, and we worked in silence as I tried not to let my thoughts wander again. I’d done it so many times that I was going to give myself a migraine trying to figure this out.

I ran a hand through my hair and went looking for another guest who might need help. Most worked on the machines by themselves, but some needed me to check that they were using them right and to make sure no one got injured.

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