Page 40 of It's Just You

“He can’t kiss?”

I snorted. “Moron.” Then I went on to explain. “Nothing like that. He can kiss just fine, but he’s… we met when I hit on him in a bar, and he insisted he was straight. Then we figured out he’s Sam’s brother and saw each other again. Well, we spent time with each other, I flirted some, we talked some and hung out, and then he kissed me.”

“So he’s not straight, at least not completely. What’s the problem here?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Okay, you haven’t answered, so… do you need time to figure it out?” he asked a moment later.

“No, I think I need to work through it, so bear with me, okay?”

I rolled back to my back, trying to figure out how to answer Micah’s question.

“I… I was with a man, back when I was waaaay younger. He was straight, or at least claimed to be. He’d… I was in love, and he treated me like his dirty little secret, you know? Later I found out he had a girlfriend at the same time, and got married shortly after I dropped him, because I caught him cheating on me with a girl. Not his girlfriend, btw. Anyway, I promised myself I wouldn’t mess with straight guys anymore, and that’s exactly what Kane claims to be, too. It took me forever to get over my ex, to accept it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t give him what he needed, what he wanted. He did a real number on me, I guess. So, I’m just wary, especially Kane is so confusing… and I–hell, I have no fucking idea what to think anymore.”

“I totally get it and I’d be wary too. Think Kane will be the same?”

I snorted again. Kane was about as far from Steve as possible. “No, not really. But he’s straight, and I like him, and I’m really worried he’s going to hurt me, that I’m just a joke or he’s just using me to figure himself out or…” I paused after sending that. “I worry I already like him too much. I mean, I know I do, but until now, I knew nothing would happen, because, wrong equipment. But now he’s curious, which I might have done with my flirting or whatever, and I’m… I have no idea what to do.”

The three dots appeared, then stopped. Then again. It took Micah obviously a few tries to figure out what to say. Finally, his text popped up. “There was a lot of information in the last message, so let me start from the beginning. You’re worried he’s going to hurt you. That can happen in any relationship.”

I scoffed. What did Micah know about people getting hurt in a relationship? He was with Carter, who seemed like the most perfect man alive. Too perfect, really, but even so. “How would you know that?” I sounded a little rude, but I couldn’t help it. Really, how could he know what it was like to be in a relationship where things were flawed?

“Daddy and I don’t always agree on everything. :-)”

Of course he had to include the smiley face. The three dots appeared again.

“Anyway, it happens. It’s part of being in a relationship. It’s just a matter of whether you think that person is worth the potential pain.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t know Kane well enough to make a decision one way or another. But he seemed like such a good guy. He didn’t seem like someone who would keep secrets or use me… yet I couldn’t silence those damn words in my mind.

Then again, come to think about it, I was pretty sure Kane was keeping some big secrets from Sam. Of course, if Sam would open his eyes, he’d see the truth right in front of his face. But what did I know? Maybe he knew and was just dealing with it in his own way?

That didn’t matter right now, though.

“If he wasn’t Sam’s brother…”I stopped typing, not even knowing where I was going with it. I hit the send button anyway.

“Ouch, yeah. Maybe you should talk to Sam first.”

No, that wasn’t going to happen. At least, not until I got things sorted out in my own head. I couldn’t talk to Sam about something that might happen, and I doubted he’d be thrilled to find out that his own brother had kissed me. I groaned. Yet another reason this was a terrible idea. So why was I still thinking about it?

I really needed to just drop the whole thing and move on, to spend the remaining weeks hiding in my room or anywhere but around Kane or Sam, then go back to college and forget about ever kissing Kane. That would be the right thing to do. The reasonable thing to do.

Except for the whole hiding in my room part.

I clearly wasn’t even close to being reasonable, because I hated everything about the thought. Even just thinking about not seeing Kane again… I dropped my head onto the pillow for a moment. It was fucked up. No matter what I did, I would end up being fucked, and not in the good way.

“I can’t even stomach talking to Sam, tbh. What should I tell him? Sorry I think your brother is fucking hot, I want him to fuck me until I can’t spell my name, and I think I flirted so much with him that he kind of got bisexual?”

It took Micah a moment to answer. “I’m pretty sure you can’t get kind of bisexual. You either are or not.”

I snorted. “Seriously, that is all you have to say to my message? And yes, I know. Fuck. I just have no fucking idea what to do now.”

“Talk to Kane, first of all. You need to know where he stands on it, because I’m pretty sure you didn’t talk to him about any of it. You’re too used to this being easy for you. ;-) Suffer like us mere mortals.”

“Like you suffer when your Daddy says no to you? :-)” I couldn’t help myself, I needed to tease him. It was way easier than facing my own issues.

“So much, Finn. I suffer so much. I don’t know how I survive it. Now stop trying to change the subject.”

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