Page 61 of It's Just You

“You have that… It’s an expression, one that somehow lets me think you’ve drifted off to much more fun thoughts,” Kane replied.

“It’s scary how you can read me.”

“You have an absolutely open face. And I might have spent some time getting to know you.” He smiled, hugging me close.

“I guess I need to work on my poker face then.” I wasn’t even sure what to think about it. He’d managed to read me more easily than anyone else, Micah included — which was kind of scary.

“No, you don’t. I like it.”

“I’m not too sure if I should be happy about that,” I told him.

Kane smiled. “Well, I am.” He held me close, making no move to let go of me, and I fucking loved it.

With other men, it had mostly been about sex. But with Kane, even though I wanted him so much it hurt, it was more. He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get to the sex part, for one. And because of how he was wired, I’d gotten to know him so much better without sex in the mix.

It was weird, so fucking weird, but I still loved it.

We laid there for a long time, just talking and being there, relaxing. I still believed Kane was exhausted from the day’s events, and I was getting tired. Being just like this was the right thing.

Okay, I was hard as well because I wanted him, but today wasn’t about being sexual. Kane didn’t make any moves, and I didn’t want to pressure him. Instead, we just spent time together, as we’d done before we’d finally realized our feelings went beyond friendship.

And it was way more intimate than sex had ever been.

I finally leftKane’s before dinner time. He’d invited me to eat with them, but there were a lot of things the family needed to talk about. Even though he’d wanted me to stay, I thought it would be best to leave them to their own private time.

I also had my own stuff to deal with — mainly my own family — and I also needed to think through some practical things. Mainly, how to go on with my relationship with Kane. There wasn’t any doubt now we’d try to make this work, but it would be long distance. I’d never even considered something like that. But it wasn’t like I could move back here, and he couldn’t leave. It would be hard enough for me to visit, having to stay with my parents more often, which just brought back too many memories.

Distance seemed to be the death of every relationship, and I’d rarely heard of people making it work. One day, the temptation would be too big — for comfort, closeness, sex, or any kind of mix. Then again, he’d always turned inward, and he didn’t need sex, which put the pressure on me to make sure I didn’t fuck up. I wasn’t the cheating type, but I did crave closeness and sex. It left us with a big problem, one I couldn’t solve alone.

I probably needed to talk frankly with Kane about it and see what he thought, but I wasn’t going to dump it on him right now. He had enough to deal with, and he’d probably need a few days to come to terms with both his father’s diagnosis and his fight with Sam. He was going to need everything he had to help his family through this, and I didn’t want to be a point of stress.

I wanted to be there for him no matter what, and if I couldn’t step back when he had so much going on, I wouldn’t feel worthy of being with him at all.

For now, I’d turn it around and around in my head, to see if I could find a solution.

I was back at my parents’home before I even realized it.

After sitting in my car for at least ten minutes, thinking some more and trying to figure out a way to avoid my mom — who I’d already spotted looking through the curtains — I finally left my car. I didn’t want to deal with her right now, but I didn’t see a way out.

My steps were heavy as I walked up the stairs to the front door, once again realizing how much I hated it here. I hated the way the house looked, so much less welcoming than Kane’s. I hated how much it stifled me to be at home with my parents, to have them so close they saw what I did all day… Theoretically, at least, since I was out and about all the time anyway. I loved them, but it was better and easier when we weren’t close together.

My teeth were already clenched when the front door swung open before I could even touch it. “Hey, Mom,” I ground out, trying to keep my eyes from rolling. Subtle.

“Oh, hey, darling. I was going to see if the mail had come.” She looked past me, trying to pretend to look at the mailbox and doing a piss poor job of it. “Didn’t know you were already home.”

Now I couldn’t help myself. I did roll my eyes, and she caught it.

“What was that for? The mail comes so late sometimes…” She trailed off.

Like I hadn’t seen her.

Sometimes, I wasn’t even sure if she believed I was that stupid, or that she simply tried to make her world like she wanted it to be. It was probably the latter, but it still stung anyway. I hugged her briefly, dutifully. “Yeah, the mail’s been running late, but you know, email is a real thing these days.”

She grinned. “Smartass. I know that. But some things simply can’t be emailed.” She pulled me inside.

“How was your day? Did you spend it with friends? Sam?”

I nodded. “Yeah, Sam and his brother Kane. They’re both really nice, you know?” It wasn’t a complete lie, even if Sam was currently pissed at me and I wasn’t going to tell her what “spending time with Kane” meant.

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